Thursday, December 15, 2011

On the fourth day of What the Effmas...

 ...this elf busted in on Santa taking a merry crap in the most festive of outhouses.
3 deer randomly perched on the roof of this house and ate sprouting sky debris from the gutters,
2 bitches set this tree on fire,
And there was this traitorous douche with his infuriating countdown.

The fact that an outhouse was deemed worthy of inflatable-izing has me doubting the sanity and collective brain power of all those at work creating holiday decorations.

Just why?

Why, firstly, would an imaginative childhood holiday character taking a shit interest anyone?
Then, why would that be cause for celebration?
And then why would you want to immortalize that on your front lawn and call yet more attention to it with additional strings of lights and HELLO a giant inflatable Christmas tree?
And, finally (because I have to stop sometime), why would whatever maniac who invented this offense think that all it needed "To really make it sing!" was an elf busting in on Santa while he was dropping a deuce?


If there is a greater holiday lesson, tradition or otherwise that I should be aware of, someone please let me know.

If there is a December risk of having small people barging into bathrooms afoot, also please tell me now so that I can start carrying a firearm to the loo.

But if this is just someone's holiday decorations gone horribly wrong, let us all join together to seek out and *disappear* the maker of this particular inflatable holiday fugliness.

Oh my! I think Santa snagged my copy of this month's Hustler!


  1. I have to go cry for humanity now.

  2. I dislike inflatable decorations of any kind--as you know--but this is, without doubt, the worst I have ever seen. I really hope these people don't live next door to you.

  3. This has really gone too far.
    (Feel free to read that sentence using any intonation or emotion you wish. There is nothing too derogatory you can do.)

  4. Wait - so does the door open and close too or did you just get that second picture from a different angle?


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