2:24:11

Yes, that is a PR right there folks.

A PR that is 10+ minutes faster than last year's Rock N Roll Half WOO!

Now, I realize it's no super sprinter time or anything, but I did finish with the top half of the female participants and also IMPORTANT! did not die or make a shameful pile of myself.

Had I been wearing American flag shorts, an orange State Corrections jumper or been a barefoot stripper - then we may have been worried about shame, but thankfully there were others taking care of that for me.

See, folks, not everyone seems to be running this race for a PR or for the pride of finishing. No, it would appear that some people run this race to be ridiculous. Some people set out their running clothes the night before and instead of choosing the boring black Nike shorts like someone (me), they choose shorts cut from the cloth of Old Glory. And then they run around throwing peace signs while also slapping hands with the spectators wearing McCain/Palin Tshirts and not at all seeing the irony in it.

Some people run in full costume, as though running a half marathon weren't uncomfortable and distressing enough. They pull on a full length long-sleeve safety orange State Corrections jumper and dirty blond wig and go around screaming "I didn't do it!" a la Richard Kimball.

And then there are people, some might call them strippers, who forgo almost all running attire, traditional or costume, and choose to run in the smallest spandex shorts seen in the light of day and then no shoes at all. And then these people tie their hair up in a very high ponytail and run at an annoyingly quick pace right in front of me for the whole 13.1 miles cheering on everyone as their feet slap the pavement in rhythm with their heaving sports bra.

I did a lot of hoping that she'd take a break along the way so that I could put some distance between myself and the slapping of her bare feet on the pavement, but alas, she never required a break. And that is when I became entirely appreciative of my decision to run with the iPod this year.

See, last year, I was all oh, well they say real runners don't wear headphones when they race so I won't either and then I had to endure the not good bands every mile and listen to people talk on cell phones or have strained pointless conversations with their running buddies until I was about to burst with annoyance.

And I was not willing to do that again this year. I wanted to run and try to enjoy myself and not have homicidal thoughts as I was rounding mile 12 and that turned out to be a very good decision indeed.

When I rounded mile 12 yesterday, with Bubba and the dog cheering me on, instead of being ON FIRE WITH HATRED FOR THOSE AROUND ME, I was having a very satisfying realization: I was going for a PR.

My watch was a bit behind gun time, thanks to the half mile between my corral and the starting line, so when my watch read 2:16:somethinrother, I knew I was going to get to the finish line WAY ahead of last year's time of 2:35:28.

So, between the wagging dog, the cheering Bubba, the time on my watch and the short distance between myself at mile 12 and the finish line at mile 13.1, I used all the juice I had left (not a lot) to pull myself together for a respectable last mile. Which was increasingly difficult given the cement coursing through my thighs.

And then I shoved my headphones into my waist pocket and fled for that finish line like I'd be racing like a real runner the whole way. Because even if my time doesn't show it - the finish line photos might - Look! A real runner! She's not wearing headphones! My vanity knows no limits, folks.

Whatever.

Real runners probably don't go have Race Fries and then nap through half a 49ers game on their couch BUT WHO CARES because it was the best afternoon ever. Especially after I took some Tylenol Extra and remembered I didn't have to run at all this week.

DONE.