I realized a lame thing about myself this weekend - I fit in better with my friends now that they have kids.
Not because I love kids or can connect with my friends on some sort of parental level (Opposite Alert!), but because my friends are all so exhausted from caring for their spawn that hanging out has become a lot less intense.
See, I'm socially lazy.
I don't like bars. Or clubs. Or noisy places where there's nowhere to sit down or have a conversation without screaming "WHAT? YOU PIERCED WHAT? I DON'T SEE ANY PIERCINGS..." I also suck at shoving my way in to get a drink at the bar because the bartender always ignores me because I'm sure he can tell that I don't really want it like the other, more professional social people do, and then I get all self-conscious about what am I so ugly I don't deserve a drink and it goes downhill from there.
It's all just very awkward and I've decided that I just don't belong OUT with the normal people.
But now that's all OK!
Because my friends have all started having kids, so by the time we're all able to get together, they're all so worn out from MOMMY!MOMMY! that they're content to just sit around and chat and drink and eat something bad for us and then maybe go for a walk on the beach.
See, this I can do.
I'm a pro at pissing away a whole weekend at the beach with entertainment no more stimulating than a college football game or a hunt through the neighborhood to find a corkscrew (Dear Rental Home Owners, Please supply corkscrews. Love, Finny). I can totally do this. And the best part is that when I'm sleepy at midnight, after having eaten my body weight in Mexican food, I'm not the first one to go to bed. And then, when I emerge at 8am, with only a slight margarita hangover, I don't have to "quietly" roam around the house looking for someone to "accidentally" wake up to keep me company. They're all up and awake and doing things because they never get to sleep anymore due to the babies so their sleep clocks are broken.
(I realize this makes me a bad person. You don't have to remind me.)
So, sure, I have nothing to add when the conversation inevitably turns to diaper blow-outs or what kind of activity checklist you get from daycare, but in those moments I'm just grateful that I can hear what these people are saying without them having to scream it over an awful house band.
Who knew the solution to my social woes would be kids? That's a funny one.