Monday, October 27, 2008

I love kids!

I realized a lame thing about myself this weekend - I fit in better with my friends now that they have kids.

Not because I love kids or can connect with my friends on some sort of parental level (Opposite Alert!), but because my friends are all so exhausted from caring for their spawn that hanging out has become a lot less intense.

See, I'm socially lazy.

I don't like bars. Or clubs. Or noisy places where there's nowhere to sit down or have a conversation without screaming "WHAT? YOU PIERCED WHAT? I DON'T SEE ANY PIERCINGS..." I also suck at shoving my way in to get a drink at the bar because the bartender always ignores me because I'm sure he can tell that I don't really want it like the other, more professional social people do, and then I get all self-conscious about what am I so ugly I don't deserve a drink and it goes downhill from there.

It's all just very awkward and I've decided that I just don't belong OUT with the normal people.

But now that's all OK!

Because my friends have all started having kids, so by the time we're all able to get together, they're all so worn out from MOMMY!MOMMY! that they're content to just sit around and chat and drink and eat something bad for us and then maybe go for a walk on the beach.

See, this I can do.

I'm a pro at pissing away a whole weekend at the beach with entertainment no more stimulating than a college football game or a hunt through the neighborhood to find a corkscrew (Dear Rental Home Owners, Please supply corkscrews. Love, Finny). I can totally do this. And the best part is that when I'm sleepy at midnight, after having eaten my body weight in Mexican food, I'm not the first one to go to bed. And then, when I emerge at 8am, with only a slight margarita hangover, I don't have to "quietly" roam around the house looking for someone to "accidentally" wake up to keep me company. They're all up and awake and doing things because they never get to sleep anymore due to the babies so their sleep clocks are broken.

It's rad!

(I realize this makes me a bad person. You don't have to remind me.)

So, sure, I have nothing to add when the conversation inevitably turns to diaper blow-outs or what kind of activity checklist you get from daycare, but in those moments I'm just grateful that I can hear what these people are saying without them having to scream it over an awful house band.

Who knew the solution to my social woes would be kids? That's a funny one.


  1. So I'm guessing that none of said kids were actually with you this weekend. Or if they were, then your friends are awesome parents and don't have spoiled, whiny things interrupting with Mommy mommy mommy every 5 minutes. 'Cause that shit's worse that any crappy house band.

  2. Having some babies around also makes potentially awkward social situations (hello, family reunion) much less awkward..Sorta gives everyone something else to concentrate on..

  3. Yup. I dig the fact that our friends now have to leave at like 10 p.m. Which is still an hour after my bedtime (hi, I'm 90 years old), but a hell of a lot earlier than the 2 a.m. I used to have to endure. Love you, babies! As long as you stop sucking on our admittedly nipple-shaped fireplace andirons! Ew.

  4. I like the observation. But I rarely see my friends who have kids now because they're all hanging out with other people who have kids. And because I don't find potty training stories amusing. Because I hate the word "potty." Because our house is completely non-childproof as evidenced by some recent friends who visited with their son who proceeded to try to put the table, several books, a flashlight, and part of our cat into his mouth.

  5. Amen and amen. Having spent many years on the w/o kids side (and now having crossed over), I was so happy when hanging out over coffee became an event, because that was my idea of a good time anyway. And that people started becoming somewhat early risers, because I was already up. Always.

  6. Oh Finny, I love you. And I can't wait for my kids to go to Aunt Finny's house in the summer to be thoroughly corrupted and sent home with bellies full of organic veggies. (And mouths full of swear words.)

  7. I also like to say things like, "who wants jelly beans?????" The kids love Aunt Nell for that one.


[2013 update: You can't comment as an anonymous person anymore. Too many douchebags were leaving bullshit SPAM comments and my inbox was getting flooded, but if you're here to comment in a real way like a real person, go to it.]

Look at you commenting, that's fun.

So, here's the thing with commenting, unless you have an email address associated with your own profile, your comment will still post, but I won't have an email address with which to reply to you personally.

Sucks, right?

Anyway, to remedy this, I usually come back to my posts and post replies in the comment field with you.

But, if you ever want to email me directly to talk about pumpkins or shoes or what it's like to spend a good part of your day Swiffering - shoot me an email to finnyknitsATgmailDOTcom.