Thursday, December 22, 2011

On the eleventh day of What the Effmas... the 11th hour, this snowwoman waited patiently on her bedazzled widow's perch for her long lost snowhusband to return from sea.

Or so I can only assume based on the inexplicable goings on with other decorations (see every post below.)

a 10 foot high train track makes an iffy descent,
9 candy canes contributed to a eyeball searing Christmas-themed rave,
8 cars were inconvenienced in the taking of this photo because OBVIOUSLY,
7 choices were set out for the dog's festive dumping,
a 6 foot polar bear kidnapped an unidentifiable inflatable creature,
5 snowmen taunted me from around this off-season May pole,
a 4 foot high elf busted in on Santa taking a merry crap in the most festive of outhouses,
3 deer randomly perched on the roof of this house and ate sprouting sky debris from the gutters,
2 bitches set this tree on fire,
and there was this traitorous douche with his infuriating countdown.

OK, so that's a long way to go to put an 11 at the beginning there, but I think you see why I had to include this photo SOMEHOW SOME WAY.

Every time I've driven past this thing I've wondered whether they're trying to make a statement with their haphazard arrangement or they're lazy or cracked out on an unorthodox blend of meth and LSD or actually have a snowman out at sea with a lonely snowwife left in their attic.

Or are they fans of dramatic suicides?

No, that'd be too crazy and disturbing.

Maybe they really want the world to know that they have something akin to a widow's perch even though they live in suburban San Jose? LOOK HOW FANCY WE ARE?

I don't know, people, I'm just spitballing, here. Obviously the people decorating this house are whacked out of their skulls. Though, their whacked out-ness has been increasing in the last few years because they used to only do this with their decorations.

As you can see, things have changed in new and terrible ways. Much like the rest of the crap that inspired What the Effmas to begin with:
  • A Christmas countdown machine OF DOOM
  • Pyromaniacal angels
  • Lost roof tile-eating wildlife
  • a Coprophagous dwarf
  • Pagan snowmen
  • Kidnapping bears
  • Laxative trees
  • Psychotic gumdrop forests
  • a Christmas rave
  • Non-standard railways

You'll just have to wait until tomorrow for that one.

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