OK, before you get all I KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO GET CHICKENS YAY!, let me tell you that these are not my chickens.
I'm not getting chickens.
I can't eat that many eggs/Bubba would leave me/Jada would eat the chickens/Rocket would stage a coup/I have nowhere to put them/etc.
That said, could you just DIE at the pantaloons on my neighbor's hen, Bitsy, right there?
I mean, honestly, girlfriend just flaunts those poofy buns at every opportunity. She's quite the chicken whore.
|She's the real inspiration for all those YouTube videos.|
So, yeah, I don't know what that makes me, since the first thing I do when I let them out of the coop for their afternoon of mad patio shitting, is chase Bitsy around until she cows and I can scoop her up for YAY! CHICKEN CUDDLE TIME! which I daresay she does not enjoy the way I do.
|The only reason she's not smiling is because chicken beaks don't do that. THE ONLY REASON.|
Meanwhile, check out this FAT pad that was handbuilt by my super handy neighbors.
|Why yes, that IS a nesting box annex off the side there, below their private viewing window.|
|Also, an antique clock so that they know, you know, when to start hassling the neighbors and shooting out eggs.|
See, a few weeks ago, my neighbors went back to NY for a week and emailed me to see if I wanted to pretend I was a chicken farmer for a week.
OBVIOUSLY I DID.
And obviously it was way fun. Just walk down to their house, collect eggs, let the girls out for the afternoon and then, later, lure them back into the coop with whatever treats I had lurking in my crisper or the garden.
|L-R: Poppy and Carmella. They're very busy. And they can lay waste to a LOT of old kale.|
|Petunia being fancy with her ultra contrasty feathers. She was more of a fan of the blossom end rot tomatoes. Because *that* is fancy for chickens.|
|Bitsy strutting her poofy pants.|
|LOOK AT MY PANTS THEY ARE AWESOME.|
|The blue egg is Bitsy's because her fanciness does not end with the pantaloons. SHOW OFF.|
Which, does that sound weird to you? Yeah, same here.
I'M NOT GETTING CHICKENS.
Phew. Sorry, just thought I'd be clear.