Saturday, September 22, 2012

Our powers of delusion at work again

Did you know that we hate ourselves over here in Finny and Bubba Land?

Because we do.

Otherwise how can you explain why two people who have been through many annoying household construction projects after which saying that we'd NEVER DO ANY CONSTRUCTION PROJECTS AGAIN EVER are now in the midst of the biggest pain in the ass construction project ever?


I can not explain it, yet here we are.

And HEY FUN there's a hole in the floor and the cleaning lady refuses to clean the toilet during construction.

We are, in our sub-1,000 square foot 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom house, completely remodeling our bathroom.

Let me allow the significant parts of that sentence sink in for you in case you didn't fully embrace the potential for madness on the first read...


Yes. We have (or should I say had) one single solitary mostly awful bathroom in our tiny ass house that we'd been staring at with loathing YOU'RE NOT LONG FOR THIS WORLD eyes since we moved in back in 2005.

This is when it was brand new. Even then - HIDEOUS. Also, nice staging, losers.

Staring at the stupid time capsule shower with its too-shallow shelves that nothing fit on, rickety plastic sliding  door made of warped "privacy" plastic, ugly white tile countertops on the off-the-shelf shabby chic vanity from the clearance aisle of Home Depot, vinyl floors with faux Travertine tile pattern...blech.

I like how the seller tried to tell us that this shower was "Of the era" for our 1918-built house. RIGHT. Like they knew how to time travel in 1918.
For seven years we've looked at, bathed in and HATED TO OUR VERY CORES this single solitary bathroom in our tiny house.

Until we couldn't take it anymore.

We'd beaten around the bush long enough. We'd done the other distasteful but not ridiculously awful projects and let ourselves feel accomplished for having done those and let ourselves off the hook on the inevitable bathroom project that we just.could.not.face.

Because it was going to be such an impenetrable pain in the ass.

Then, well then, about a year's time passed after remodeling the breakfast nook into a bar which gave us enough time to block out the relatively mild pain and misery of that project, plus lots of space between us and our previously more painful and miserable other projects (Hi, kitchen, garage, front porch, fireplace, fence and back patio - you all were SUPER annoying), so that we could approach the bathroom remodel in our 1 bathroom house with some modicum of delusion.

See, for a project like this, one does not need patience, understanding or even an impressively stocked bar (though, that did help WHILE IT WAS STILL ACCESSIBLE BEHIND ALL THE CONSTRUCTION DEBRIS). No, one needs delusion.

Delusion that tells you that, "It won't be that bad.", "It won't take *that* long.", "We've endured worse.", "We can always just get a kiddie pool for the yard and shower out there with the hose and won't that be fun." and also that "This bathroom is so awful that it will be worth it."

Honestly, people, now that we're going on our sixth week without a fully functioning bathroom in our house, that old bathroom is, in my fading memory, looking less hideous and unacceptable than it did when we started out.

Oh wait, no. Still awful. HATE YOU TILE COUNTERTOP.
Because back then I remember what it was like to be able to take a shower without first rolling up a change of clothes with a clean towel and hiking across the street to our neighbor's house hoping that I wasn't going to interrupt a peaceful time in their day with my incessant showering.

I remember what it was like to not have to restock the bathroom with TP every five minutes because the contractor seemed to find it the best tool for dealing with construction spills and touch ups and whatever else he does in there which I do not want to know about.

That morning the TP was brand new. WHAT HAPPENS IN ONE DAY?
I remember what it was like to not have people traipsing in and out of our house, over the paper runway taped to my wood floors, making a holy fucking mess out of every other part of my house and yard in the name of improving the smallest room in my house.

I remember these things NOW, yet somehow the All Powerful Delusion of Bathroom Hating allowed me to forget them at the crucial moment when Bubba and I decided that we'd redo the bathroom.

Just like that we were all, "You know, it's really time we redid the bathroom."

And then neither of us argued, which is very unlike us.

Because if there's something that we both hate more than that old bathroom it's having people up in our grill in the house making a mess.

We're not good with it. Our house is small, cleaning sucks and we really like to shower regularly.

Anyway, that said, we're in the throes of it all right now.

The project seem so innocent when we were picking out finishes.

And then they unearthed the largest vent pipe in creation.

And ANOTHER pipe that's totally not connected

And Ice Cream Sandwich plaster and lathe.

And who doesn't love waterproofing that takes a solid week to install and dry?

I love that, when I took this photo a few weeks ago, I thought this was bad. It was BEFORE the tile saw moved in permanently. 

I'll ask you to forgive me for taking pictures with my phone. 

The real "After" photos will be much better. Promise.

With any luck we'll have a working shower in our house in a few weeks and then maybe by the rapture we'll have the project done and the contractors far away where they can't rinse out their paint cans on my salvia plants or use all of the TP in mankind.



  1. Ohhhhhh... I feel your pain! :::shudder:::

    But it's gonna be pretty!

    And, after about a year, you'll forget about the pain (until you read somebody's blog about it - then you'll have, like, a major flashback and start searching for the closest bottle of hooch!)

  2. So, I was thinking that I've seen so much worse, but then I saw that gorgeous tile you've selected and it's clear why you don't like the original. Can't wait to see the end result!

  3. Oooh, that bathroom is going to be so pretty. Glad it is finally coming along and I hope it gets finished sooner than later! Miss you!


[2013 update: You can't comment as an anonymous person anymore. Too many douchebags were leaving bullshit SPAM comments and my inbox was getting flooded, but if you're here to comment in a real way like a real person, go to it.]

Look at you commenting, that's fun.

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Sucks, right?

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