The Fence Post

(Witty Title credit goes to Bubba)


Here's a little game I just made up. It goes like this:

The following sentence, "As soon as the fence goes in..." falls into which category:

1. Precursors to heavy sedation
2. Things you never say to your neighbors
3. Words I never want to say again
4. Reasons to drink heavily
5. All of the above

With a triumphant and overly dramatic eyeroll, I'm happy to announce that this line item from our Big List of Shit to do With the House is finally being crossed off. And I can I just say,

"GAH!"

Ugh. Really people.

Between the nitpicking banter from the neighbors who are "too cheap" (their words, not mine) to split the cost of a fence, the raised eyebrows from other neighbors who are suspicious as to whether our contractors are using "galvanized" nails, the disheveled state of our backyard and the OMG so much of a douche bag contractor, I'm about to run screaming into the woods with a G&T in one hand and a noose in the other.

Thank god all of our house projects don't involve these people. I'd never make it.

I can say though, that I do like our fence. It looks nice. Plus, there aren't any boards falling into my yard. No snaggly nails waiting to snare my dewy flesh. No antique rusted chain link fence growing through age old tree stumps. And NO DAMN IVY.

It's also blessedly tall enough to keep the fabulously irritating neighbors from peering over and yammering with us about any old thing they seem to be thinking about. You know, like the fact that they want "their old fence back."

Um. No.

And so, here's to a lot of weekends where I'll be holed up in my backyard with no one but Bubba, Rocket and the Future Dog to drink deal with.

Cheers.