Thursday, March 29, 2007

The Fence Post

(Witty Title credit goes to Bubba)


Here's a little game I just made up. It goes like this:

The following sentence, "As soon as the fence goes in..." falls into which category:

  1. Precursors to heavy sedation
  2. Things you never say to your neighbors
  3. Words I never want to say again
  4. Reasons to drink heavily
  5. All of the above
With a triumphant and overly dramatic eyeroll, I'm happy to announce that this line item from our Big List of Shit to do With the House is finally being crossed off. And I can I just say,

"GAH!"

Ugh. Really people.

Between the nitpicking banter from the neighbors who are "too cheap" (their words, not mine) to split the cost of a fence, the raised eyebrows from other neighbors who are suspicious as to whether our contractors are using "galvanized" nails, the disheveled state of our backyard and the OMG so much of a douche bag contractor, I'm about to run screaming into the woods with a G&T in one hand and a noose in the other.

Thank god all of our house projects don't involve these people. I'd never make it.

I can say though, that I do like our fence. It looks nice. Plus, there aren't any boards falling into my yard. No snaggly nails waiting to snare my dewy flesh. No antique rusted chain link fence growing through age old tree stumps. And NO DAMN IVY.

It's also blessedly tall enough to keep the fabulously irritating neighbors from peering over and yammering with us about any old thing they seem to be thinking about. You know, like the fact that they want "their old fence back."

Um. No.

And so, here's to a lot of weekends where I'll be holed up in my backyard with no one but Bubba, Rocket and the Future Dog to drink deal with.

Cheers.

12 comments:

  1. oooohhh, I've never been the first to leave a comment...Two things...1st good fences make good neighbors and yours is a right good fence. 2nd is it possible your cat Rocket and my cat Mini Me are long lost not so identical twins? Mini Me also grooms my husbands head and sleeps in any open luggage she can find...hmmm..

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  2. very, very nice fence. glad you can cross it off your list.

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  3. Looks awesome! Now you can bask in the delight of your long-awaited fence while gloriously sipping G&Ts without aforementioned noose in hand. Grazie a DIO!

    Can't wait to visit and see it for myself. Your veggies this year are going to be awesome, I can already feel it.

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  4. I have to say, I totally think it was worth the effort. That fence looks so great! Nice team effort you guys.

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  5. nice work!!Great fence = reason to BBQ = reason to have house party = reason to drink..

    Cheers!!

    -Steph

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  6. Your neighbors should be worshipping the ground you walk on for installing such a beautiful fence! The whole neighbor thing is part of the reason our fence is still just a plan.

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  7. Good fences make...you can finish that.

    Did you get any grief about the height of the fence? Or is it the same height as the one it replaced?

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  8. Heidi - You are quick like a cat! Not my cat though. Rocket is a mean slow beast. I would like you to please advise my neighbors that the fence could be a lot worse. And that they should also shut their yappers. Thank you.

    lera - you and me both, doll. Now I will go hide in my yard behind the fence and talk to no one.

    Shelley - I can't wait till you can come sit and ogle the fence with me. In silence from the crazy neighbors. I have high hopes for these veggies. As they will be born in peace ;)

    Kell - Fanks, Donk. We're proud :)

    Thanks Ash!

    Fury - You are absolutely right.

    Pedal - You know this plan has been in the works for two years. We finally gave up trying to please everyone with chatter and theorizing and pulled the trigger. Fat lot of good that did. At least we have a fence now to block out their whining.

    Bill - Well, that's an interesting question. The old fence was a different height every few feet. Ranging from 0 feet (where the boards had come completely free) to 6 feet - and everything in between. So, technically the final height of the new fence (7 feet = 6 feet of board + 1 foot of lattice) is about a foot taller than the previous fence's tallest point.

    Does this mean I'm wrong?

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  9. Wrong -- as in 'shouldn't have done it?' No, not at all. I was just wondering, given your comments about your neighbors preferring the old one, why they preferred it. Some folks, I gather, can be righteously offended by high fences (Whassamatter,doncha like us ennymoah? Um..no, actually.) and they take out that angst by legal means. I know that some places actually have rules about how high a fence can be (Any Fence shall be of a height not equal to nor greater than the minimum glide height of any Aircraft on final approach to any airport within three (3) (holds up three fingers) nautical miles),which can be a real bother.

    Good fences make for good lawyerin...no, wait, thats not it...

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  10. Bill - Yeah, I could *almost* see the "we want our old fence back" bit IF they had:

    1. Not said that our plans for the new fence (which we provided and discussed in great detail) were "just fine" OR

    2. Had a decent fence of equal height to begin with

    One thing on our side here: If they're too cheap to split a length of fence, they're probably too cheap to hire a lawyer.

    They'll just spend the next decade bitching about it. And we'll be on the other side of the fence not listening.

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[2013 update: You can't comment as an anonymous person anymore. Too many douchebags were leaving bullshit SPAM comments and my inbox was getting flooded, but if you're here to comment in a real way like a real person, go to it.]

Look at you commenting, that's fun.

So, here's the thing with commenting, unless you have an email address associated with your own profile, your comment will still post, but I won't have an email address with which to reply to you personally.

Sucks, right?

Anyway, to remedy this, I usually come back to my posts and post replies in the comment field with you.

But, if you ever want to email me directly to talk about pumpkins or shoes or what it's like to spend a good part of your day Swiffering - shoot me an email to finnyknitsATgmailDOTcom.

Cheers.