Tuesday, March 13, 2007

What tree?

I have a weakness for proprietary power tools, I won't lie.

Show me a machine that will do any one task perfectly - and I want to try it. Produce a tool that will make a lot of noise while creating a masterpiece of machined efficiency and you better be ready to either show me how to use it or get shoved out of the way.

Which is why this past Saturday, while I was a skoshe sad to be taking down a tree (albeit a dead one), I was also swooning over the buffet of power tools set before us.

Hedge trimmer - Meooooooooooow! Granted, it's electric, but it's brand new and ready for deployment on our mass of hundred year old ivy (A pox on whoever planted this loathsome vine.)

Reciprocating saw - An old trusty friend. I first experienced the raw cutting power of this fine machine when Bubba let me saw the top off an old Volkswagen. Oh there is just nothing like sawing through steel. Love.

Chainsaw - Hello new friend! You are scary and dangerous and many movies make reference to your massacre-esque nature - however I love you very much. And, by the show of male neighbors circling our house, you appear to have some sort of man-drawing power. Weird.

Bolt cutter - Ok, so you don't have an on-board engine. That's ok! The fact that I, a woman of tiny hands, can snip easily through heavy duty chain link without tearing a muscle or throwing a tantrum in the yard ranks you right up there with the likes of our aforementioned saw friends.

Myriad other tools that were used/destroyed in the yard demolition - A for effort.

What it came down to this weekend was the removal of one full sized dead avocado tree (never produced a single avocado either - boo), one extra large sumac stump, one medium sized sumac stump carefully interwoven with chain link fence, one yard length stretch of chain link fence buried a foot beneath the soil line and a mound of ivy which finally formed a Prius sized mound in our driveway.

Why did we do all this? I assure you that it was not for pure amusement.

We're getting ready to start the long, likely frustrating, neighbor involvement heavy task of replacing our fence. And in order to do so, had to first get rid of all the nasty along the fence line.

And, despite my promises to the contrary, there aren't any interesting injuries to report. Although we did lay to rest a few of our yard work friends.

In fact, despite Bubba's laborlicious efforts, he wasn't even bleeding when we finished the day. Que milagro.

And so, Fence Man is coming this week to estimate for me how many of my limbs we'll have to remove in order to replace our fence with a new one. Thankfully Bubba is handy with all aforementioned tools (Who do you think shows me how to use all these things?) and is capable of holding me down in the event that our estimate is delivered with too many zeros.


  1. I am intrigued by power tools also! Sadly, being a renter and newlywed, I only own a drill, which has never been used. There is nothing to drill when you are only living in the apartment for a year...
    Maybe my next place will be drillafied!

  2. I, too, love my chain saw. It's a little electric one, because I'm not strong enough to p-u-l-l the rip cord on the gas ones. Every now and then I get ambitious and wander around the creeping foliage and CUT IT OFF!! I can't think of more fun. Of course I cripple myself every time, but that's of no consequence.
    AND, it's really tricky to type those nonsense words to prove I'm not here just to cause trouble.

  3. Great post, as always. I sympathize as today I suddenly realized I have clients/guests arriving today and not tomorrow like I thought (call it 10 days prior to wedding distraction) and found that the toilet seat was broken beyond repair. WTF? I spent a good hour using a mini-saw to remove the rust-encrusted screws. Che palle! But now there is a beautiful new "throne," and just in time!


[2013 update: You can't comment as an anonymous person anymore. Too many douchebags were leaving bullshit SPAM comments and my inbox was getting flooded, but if you're here to comment in a real way like a real person, go to it.]

Look at you commenting, that's fun.

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Sucks, right?

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