Monday, October 12, 2009

Craft FAIL | Knitting SUCCESS

So, 'member (Bubba hates that) when I was all, "Hey, look at my amazing thing called Corks!"?

And I thought I was so smart for using my old corks to hold my stitches on my knitting?

Yeah, you remember. It was one in a long string of super modest moments. I'm so humble.

Anyway, I reveled in the discovery like a professional reveler. I mean, I was always giving myself a mental high five every time I took out my knitting (which has been pretty often given the cooling off of the weather) because I'm such a smartie that I managed to reuse two of my five billion corks in a useful way and, at the same time, had avoided losing stitches to the evil knitting gnome who lives in my knitting bag and likes to yank my project from its needles as it sits innocently by the couch.

These were precious moments, folks, when I felt smart about myself for five minutes.

Anyway, in my typical Queen of Forcing It fashion, I took my smartie-pantsness too far yesterday as I tried to set aside my knitting so I could focus my anger on the 49ers as they insisted on allowing the Falcons to remove their heads in a bloodbath to the tune of 45-10. And in the process of this "setting aside" I thought I had an amazing idea.

One that would keep the sleeves of my project from coming off their stupid double pointed needles.

One that would use the existing awesome cork stitch holders in a new and awesome way.

And that idea was to take the three points on one end of the project and jam them into the sides of one cork and then take the three points on the other end of the project and jam those into the sides of the other cork thus creating a virtually impenetrable fortress of safety for my stitches from the evil bag gnome.

Do you get what I'm saying here?

Well, if you don't, don't worry - I'm about to show you why this is an awful idea meanwhile you will probably see what I was going for.

It would have been great, I tells ya.

Yeah, so, had this worked and my amazing Hulk-like strength had not burst forth from my ripped guns, I would have had three needles covered on both ends with two corks. Real fancy good use of two old corks, I thought.

But, instead, I had three needles covered on both ends with two corks and then YAY broken in the middle to form a soul-crushing little tent-like thing.


Because, of course, bamboo needles are made of bamboo and not, say, steel or some other not-super-breakable material, and so when you go applying force from both ends and then twisting even the tiniest bit, well, they snap like my ankles before a cold pre-dawn run.

These stitches are now living on a too-long circular needle. It irks me.

And the sound is nearly as sickening. I swear it to you.

Anyway, the FAIL here is easy to see, because DUH, there are the broken needles right there, but thankfully this was paired with a Knitting SUCCESS otherwise someone other than a certain SF tight end might have had their head removed. By moi. GRRR.

The knitting success, which maybe you already guessed at on your side of the computer screen, was the fact that this bastardized sweater pattern is totally working out because I've moved onto the sleeves!

Which I totally wouldn't have done if I'd tried it on only to find out that it fit like some other piece of crap that I knit in the past or maybe a new horrible incarnation of horseshit knitting.

I have never let myself dream that I could knit a fitted garment, but there you go.

So, yes, the body of the sweater fits perfectly, which is a huge and surprising success, and now all I need to do is knit the sleeves while contemplating whether to finish the hem and cuffs off like I did on Bubba's sweater.

I can't decide. You decide! What do you think: Do I ...
Keep in mind that the neckline will be the Au Natural Rolling way because the fancy turning technique is not going to work up there given the giant neckline. So you know.

I haven't been able to decide because I've been too busy ordering more yarn (What? You need more yarn to turn a Tshirt into a long-sleeved sweater? Oh. Right.), replacement DPNs and Addi Turbos in even more sizes.

Because, even though I've had a love/hate relationship with these guys in the past, I'm currently in the Love camp because they make this mind-numbing sleeve knitting process just OH SO MUCH faster.

Really. They do. I believe that's why they call them "Turbo".


That's about it for the trials and tribulations of my small knitting while watching football and breaking shit lifestyle. I hope to be back with a fully executed Perfect-For-Me sweater of my own bastardized design soon.

And I will share the pattern changes I made so maybe you, too, can knit one of these things if you so desire, and without the ritualistic snapping of nice needles.



  1. I vote for not hemming and keeping them all "hey I'm hip and sexy and swear and yell at the TV when the fucking Niners bend over and take one from another team."

  2. That is a really nice sweater. Like, most people would pay $40 for it at a store.

    Not me, of course, because I'm too cheap, but it looks really professional, is what I'm saying.

  3. Ouch! Those broken needles are painful to even look at. Love the new sweater -- I'm voting for the pretty rolled edges!

  4. I have to start off with Thimbleanna's profile pic- kind of disturbing. Like that image will haunt me when I sleep. Super.

    Anyways- roll the sleeves. Because otherwise people might think you've gone completely nuts and just didn't know what you were doing with the neckline. And we don't want that. I mean, my neighbors would totally jeer you. :)

  5. How about a basic ribbed neckline or reverse stockinette? I knit that pattern several years ago, and that rolling neckline never quit bugging me. Then whatever you decide to do, you can match the sleeves to it.

  6. It's a very Nice sweater. Whatever you decide it already looks good. I'm just always for dragging out the adventure. All projects are decidedly less fun when they're finished so cable a trim all around that bad boy or work an I cord embellishment three rows around like a coil.

    Time consuming yes but once you're done with this project what are you going to do? You're going to start another project that's what and after that another and another...might as well just continue with the same one.

  7. Know what?

    It looks cute sleeveless.

    I bet you about barfed when those snapped, but I'm glad you were able to save the stitches!

  8. Decca - I'm leaning in this direction for sure. Though I won't be leaning forward at all. That's for the Niners to do. UGH.

    Kris - The sad thing is, that with the cost of the yarn and the, ahem, new needles, it'll end up costing more than $40. *Sigh* What I do for my craft ;)

    But thank you, I like how it's coming out so far.

    Anna - So far, I'm with you on this. We'll see...

    Sara - OK - I'm pretty convinced now. Because your neighbors are, like, the scariest people ever.

    Zarah - Is your sweater up on ravelry? I want to see this magnificence.

    Treadler - Do you have an example of how this i-Cord deal would work on a sweater? I can't even imagine it, but it sounds cool. Me? I'm more for the Get It Done and Put It On Forever approach, but I'm willing to try new things...

    Cure - Yeah, I already have a sleeveless one (which I do love) - so now I need a sleeved one that I can wear in the winter without having to slide a long sleevy shirt underneath.

    And you're right, I did nearly barf. GEEZ MAN!

  9. Oooooo! I love the sweater!!! Make me one! lol

    I love it just the way it is. I can't even imagine it with sleeves. It fits you freaking perfect!

  10. Oh my goodness, I would have cried. But the sweater fits you so very well. BEAUTIFUL!

  11. Very fabulous. Very cute sleeveless. Also voting for the no-hem method. Also wants one!

  12. I vote for au-natural. Like the rolling. It's a great looking sweater!

  13. I am impressed that you were able to snap all of those needles like little twigs! I have never caused any damage to a knitting needle in the 10 years I've been knitting. You must have super guns!

    Your sweater is lovely!

  14. Sweet sweater!

    (I know the cold ankle snap you are talking about. It's the one that makes me think my neighbors think I'm running drunk. After the first 25 yards, I'm fine and running semi-normally.)

  15. Well I think two is (are?) better than one and you should leave it as it is. It looks super cuter with the cap sleeves. And I like that color on you too. Nice work sis!

  16. um, love. i love rolled edges too. they are so chic.


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