Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Let's guess some more because that was fun.

Ah, you know my shame.

And it's not the shame of a Christmas tree skirt, a Snuggie (formal or otherwise), an outfit for a concrete bird or yard gnome (I'm now frightened of the Midwest), an outfit for a choir boy or any person of the cloth (yeah - I think the church has a Shoot on Sight order on me), a giant dog doo bag, toilet seat cover (yeesh, those things freak me out) or a pirate shirt.

And while "Halloween costume for a friend's child" is a close guess (nice, Kris), CLP and Nutsy Coco were right on the money.

I'm making, or rather have made, a Halloween costume for Jada.

Feel free to think mean things about me or judge me if you're a big fat Judger, because I've gone over to The Other Side of pet ownership by creating an item of clothing for my dog.

I KNOW - it's retarded - BUT she comes to work with me and at work we love Halloween so much it's like everyone here is seven years old and since I'll be dressing up for Halloween and, of course, bringing her to work with me, I thought she could dress up in a coordinating (not matching - *coordinating*) costume so that we could (brace yourself, this is where it gets more shameful) enter the Group Costume contest, or at least I could enter her in the Pet Costume contest because we have one and it's funny.

Of course, until now I considered the Pet Costume contest to be ridiculous and retarded and oh how sad that pug is dressed as a lobster and it doesn't make any sense, but when I thought up my own costume in a moment of bridesmaid dress reuse brilliance, a coordinating costume for Jada fell right into place.

Sound absurd? Oh, it is. I'll assure you of that.

How absurd though? Well, let's guess...

Using the shitty clue of the above collage as guidance (and yesterday's, too, if you want), please feel free to guess at the costume I created out of scraps in my stash for my, until this year, uncostumed dog.

And yes, these tightly cropped photos were taken as she modeled this costume for Bubba and I, her tail wagging all the while.

Sure, I lured her from the comfort of her enormo doggie bed with handfuls of treats before I festooned her with this Halloween finery, so maybe that's why she was so super cheerful, but I daresay she pranced the catwalk (dogwalk? no matter) for Bubba and I and appeared to not be bothered by the bizarre new nightly rituals taking shape in our house.

Before now, the most "dressed" this dog has gotten is when it's raining and we torture her with a doggie rain coat. This sounds stupid, too, just like a Halloween costume, but I am not lying when I say that she takes five seconds to dry off after a walk with the doggie rain coat and that is a lot shorter (hours shorter) than when we dry her off after a no-raincoat walk.

For a short haired dog, she's awfully absorbent.

Anywaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay - enough about my poor abused dog, who is, like, the best sport ever.

You all feel free to guess at Jada's costume, which is ready but for just a final top stitch, and if you're real good and want to go out on a limb, go ahead and guess at both of our costumes using the following consistently shitty clues:

1.The bridesmaid dress I'm reusing this year is orange.

2. Our costumes go together thematically, but do not match. Which is obvious given that her costume doesn't contain any orange. Hey! Another shitty clue.

3. Our costumes only share one color: white.

4. Both of our costumes, combined, will only cost me a total of $24.99, as all of the materials/bits/pieces/details were sourced from around the house except for a new pair of shoes for moi because HELLO I don't have any shoes in *this mystery color* yet.

Not helpful? If you can guess Jada's costume, I'll tell you what the theme is and I bet you'll guess our Costume Shame pretty quickly.

I will, however, not be telling you what Bubba's calling our costume theme, because it makes me feel sad and like I wish I'd have thought through the implications of our theme a little better so that I could avoid adopting one with such unfortunate associations.

Yeah, I'm sure that's not super helpful.

Start guessing!


  1. Ok, Jada is going as a Tootsie Roll. I dunno what you're going as. A Tootsie pop? Candy corn? One of those weird pumpkin candies that's related to candy corn?

  2. Well, my poor little mind wandered off at #1, trying to fathom orange bridesmaids. Therefore, I have no clue!

  3. I'm also going with Tootsie Roll and candy corn. And since you said you won't tell us I suddenly really need to know what Bubba is calling the canine-assisted shamefulness.

    Also, Decca...? What the hell kind of theme would incorporate both tootsie rolls and vaginas ?

  4. No judging here - I'm tempted to spend perfectly good money on a hot dog costume for my 2 wiener dogs every time I go into Target.
    Jada must be going as a Tootsie Roll!

  5. I have no idea what costume you're stuffing Jada into, but I'm glad she seems so happy about it. And I can't wait for the photos.

  6. tootsie roll and candy are needed

  7. "Vagina" - LMAO!

    So Jada's a Tootsie Roll (COOL!), and I'm thinking you might be a candy corn?

    Or a vagina.


  8. Jada is going as the circus clown and you are her monkey assistant?

    Wait...that sort of sounds mean...I don't mean it to be mean, it's just that the picture on the bottom right looks like one of those ruffley clown collars. All I can think of to go with that is the monkey assistant.

  9. I give up, purely and simply give up. But it's going to be fun learning what you're up to.

  10. (sorry if this comes up twice from me)

    But if Jada is a tootsie roll, you could always be the owl from those commercials.

    I was thinking "Licking the dog to get to its center." that's a terrible association.

  11. Alevin - You're a genius.

    Anna - Right?

    Decca - I'm scared that your vagina looks like any of these photos.

    Amy - You're genius #2. And I will tell you what Bubba called us if you promise not to also call us that.

    Rohan - You're genius #3 and I'm glad you dress your Dachshunds as hot dogs because that makes sense. A Bernese mountain dog dressed as a hot dog does NOT make sense.

    Kris - Forthcoming...

    Quilted Kris - You're genius #4, but with such conviction that I'm likely to call you The Genius.

    Jeph - Winner for funniest comment of the day. And for covering all your bases and getting it right. Genius #5!

    Claudia - You're wrong, but you're funny so that's OK! Plus, I thought the ruffles looked clownish, too, so we're even.

    Junie! I expected you to get this one no problemo with that creative mind of yours. I think you just want photographic proof.

    Nutsy - What happened, friend? You were *right there with me* until now.

    Yellowpansy - I like this idea. Except Jada would have to be a Tootsie Pop. Which could happen. Next year. Or when I figure out how to make a costume for myself. Again, maybe next year. The terrible association is what makes the idea great.


[2013 update: You can't comment as an anonymous person anymore. Too many douchebags were leaving bullshit SPAM comments and my inbox was getting flooded, but if you're here to comment in a real way like a real person, go to it.]

Look at you commenting, that's fun.

So, here's the thing with commenting, unless you have an email address associated with your own profile, your comment will still post, but I won't have an email address with which to reply to you personally.

Sucks, right?

Anyway, to remedy this, I usually come back to my posts and post replies in the comment field with you.

But, if you ever want to email me directly to talk about pumpkins or shoes or what it's like to spend a good part of your day Swiffering - shoot me an email to finnyknitsATgmailDOTcom.