Friday, October 16, 2009

Witness me melting the hell down.

I've ignored a lot of laptop stickers.

I've gazed past Tshirts and pretended to be paying attention to traffic when faced with window clings.

I've conducted my blog-following life in Reader and so have been widely ignorant of web badges of all types.

In fact, I've made a practice of being outwardly ignorant about all these blogging and webby monikers and acronyms.

NaNoBloMo? What is this thing you speak of? Surely *I* don't know. Sounds sort of erotic, if you ask me.

NaNoWriMo? Is this something made up by Apple? I see product placement all over this.

365 Days? OK. I realize that's not an acronym, but what does it mean?

I'll tell you what ALL of these mean, folks, WORK.

Hard, busy, slaving, soul-crushing, self-doubting, finger sweating, anxiety-inducing, sleep-sucking, creativity-sponging, daily time-rationing WORK.

And because I have finished the training and running of two half marathons already this year and have only the hehe I'm not training for that 5K Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving upon which to set my goal-driven sights and apparently need something personally and mostly uselessly stressful in my life, I finally gave in and admitted that I knew the meaning of one of these nerdy acronyms.

And by "gave in" I mean, I stopped ignoring emails from close friends encouraging me to take part in said acronymic event, stopped searching my calendar *to the bone* for somethinganything that would keep me legitimately tied up for the month of November and unblocked the websites in my browser that had been hiding behind the firewall as though they were full of porno and I was my own eight year old kid.

Which makes no sense. And also I didn't do that last one because, can you even do that?

Anyway, what I'm saying is that I held out a really, really long time and feigned ignorance until I was weak and impressionable and finishing up my second week of the glorious Post-Race Break Week with just a little bit of guilt wandering in and out of my goal-free mind when I finally decided to stop being such a fucking pussy and just sign up already.

Sign up for what, you ask? Well, hop over from that reader or just lookie at that sidebar and you'll find out.

Finger too tired to click? Eyes too worn out to look right ----> over -----> there ---->?

I signed up for National Novel Writing Month.

Finally. After three years of pretending I didn't know what it was. Pretending that people on the Internets were all crazy and who has time like this and what would I write about and oh please as though I can work, run, sleep, blog, eat, garden, have Thanksgiving aaaaaaaaaannd write 50,000 words in a month. Please, now. Don't say crazy things.

Well, the crazy is out of the bag for you all to see. I've succumbed to peer pressure for the whateverTH time in my life and, rather than trying a new gateway drug or going under the bleachers with a football player (sadly - never happened), will be torturing myself to the tune of 50,000 words in November with the expressed written intent of being a "winner". Which means I actually write something with 50,000 legitimate words in it.

The prize? I think there's some sort of web badge. And, hey, I'll have 50,000 of my own words to keep me warm at night when Bubba's out of town. And, uh, I can scramble them all up Lorem Ipsum style and print them onto fabric at Spoonflower and then make myself a straightjacket?

Yeah, so there's not really a prize.

Unless you've thought that one day you'd maybe if you get a good idea or have a life-changing experience or an epiphany or witness something unbelievable write a novel and then TEE DAH! have managed to turn 31 without writing more than what one would consider readable squat and could really use written proof that you're not a total lost cause.

THEN - that is the prize. Proof that you're not a lost cause. Good enough for me.

Also, then, I maybe won't sign up for any more long distance races this year because you know how I get.

So, what this means is that my posts in November may cover topics like the merits of quiet Mac keyboards vs super clacky ThinkPad ones, the maximum recommended daily dosage of Excedrin when combined with black tea and those so-good-they're-fucked-up truffles from TJ's, whether any of you know how to train dogs to type, if you know where I can find a fuel belt with a laptop attachment and whether there's an app for NaNoWriMo and whether it's worth trading in my Blackberry to get an iPhone so I can use it.

It probably won't mean I'll give up blogging, though, even though it seems like one couldn't possibly average 1,800 words a day PLUS blog PLUS work PLUS whine like a snively bitch, but I'm here to tell you that I think I can.

Mostly because my snivley bitchitude is pretty strong. And I believe that it can fortify me in times of stress, much like some runners gain strength from the adrenaline of other runners in a race (not me, I cry inside instead). And also because you well know that I can't bear public shaming and this is pretty public when the counter is right there (or will be) for everyone to see and judge.


Now, what happens to my 50,000 word digital fish wrap come December 1? Dunno. I guess we'll just have to see if I live through the experience and have any hair left. Why is hair important?

When is hair NOT important?

I don't know why I feel so strongly about that last part.

Wow. I just realized how poorly this might go. Yay for December.


  1. I once dreamed of being a writer. Then I just gave up and embraced Vicodin and laziness. I signed up for one of these things once and ended up like Jack Nicholson in the Shining. But you, I think, can do it. (Yeah, only a little jealous.)

  2. Go for it, Finn. I'll just keep on with my lazy, short, daily posts, because I do not have a novel anywhere inside me. But I want to read yours when it's done.

  3. But why did they pick NOVEMBER?!? Not only is there Thanksgiving to contend with, most of us are ramping up for xmas too. I plan to participate, but not until February, when I'll be desperate for something to distract me from what every year feels like The Longest Winter in History. (And maybe that will be the title!)

  4. Ok, I've hung in there through your grass plug planting, and hung in there through the cucumber in your G&T, and that dough overflowing in your fridge, and the running dear God the running, but now I think I can safely say: you are a crazy person. Come over to my blog and have a slice of Crazy Pie, my friend. A nice big slice of Crazy Pie. How do I know you're crazy? I tried NaNoWriMo and it broke me.

  5. Duh. That would be

  6. My brother just talked me and Joey into doing this! We tried it once when I had just started homeschooling with Joey, but I was so overwhelmed with getting her to do ANYTHING that we totally gave up.

    Also, do you know that you can print up a paperback book on Blurb (I think it was blurb) starting at something like 3.95? I'm not mentioning that to Joey, though, because it might just be too much pressure. But if she produces anything that she doesn't hate, I'm totally printing her up a book.

  7. I signed up for NaNoWriMo too!

    Good luck!

  8. You are a nut. No wonder I can't help but come back all the time!

    (I just mentioned to Joe a few mins ago that he and I should sign up for a turkey trot and not tell my friends or sisters who would want to join us. Is that mean?)

  9. Yayy NaNoWriMo! If you need a NaNo godmother, I'm your gal.

  10. I took on NaNoWriMo last year and it kicked my ass. Not just a little bit either, a big whopping is-that-you-or-a-mangled-puddle-of-viscera-on-the-floor?-Oh-wait-it's-both type ass-kicking.

    But that's not enough to stop me. I've gathered my smeared viscera and I'm trying again this year. Only this time with a secret weapon. (A plot!)

  11. I've known about this project for many years but have never pursued it. Each year I tell myself "this is the year". I'm tickled you're doing so. Maybe I'll get off my butt and do it this year. In fact, I'm going to pop over and sign up. Then, like you said about making it public, I'll have to do it.

    Happy writing!

  12. P.S.

    You inspired me to go ahead and sign up. I'm now an official participant. What to write is now running crazily in my head.

  13. Any chance I could add you to my NaNoWriMo buddy list?


[2013 update: You can't comment as an anonymous person anymore. Too many douchebags were leaving bullshit SPAM comments and my inbox was getting flooded, but if you're here to comment in a real way like a real person, go to it.]

Look at you commenting, that's fun.

So, here's the thing with commenting, unless you have an email address associated with your own profile, your comment will still post, but I won't have an email address with which to reply to you personally.

Sucks, right?

Anyway, to remedy this, I usually come back to my posts and post replies in the comment field with you.

But, if you ever want to email me directly to talk about pumpkins or shoes or what it's like to spend a good part of your day Swiffering - shoot me an email to finnyknitsATgmailDOTcom.