Friday, May 30, 2008

Here's something I didn't fuck up (hint: I didn't knit it)

This picture, of my prettiest hummingbird feeder with its newly upgraded flower drinking holes, is my proof that I can do some crafty things without totally fucking them up.

Because, let me tell you that The Thing I Have Been Knitting is not looking so hot and it's making me sad to think that I may just not be cut out for the knitting thing anymore. I think my fingers/brain forgot how to do the knitting or forgot how to measure or can't read English or have finally started to revolt against All Things Math because I'm *thisclose* to being done with my sweater and it is just not right.

The damn neckline is huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge.

Like, maybe this could be a cowl-neck sweater, kind of huge. Like, maybe I'll wear it off both shoulders with a hot pink tank top underneath and my hair in a side ponytail because it's suddenly 1982, kind of huge.

Mind you, the rest of the sweater is mostly fine. I mean, the sleeves, once they're hemmed, could be a little bit longer and the body could also be a little bit longer, but if the neckline were right, I'd love the whole thing and probably be wearing it right now. BUT NO - the neckline is so wide and huge that it won't stay up on my shoulders and when I tried it on I became very sad.

My one million dollar yarn was not looking nearly so beautiful as it hung limply from my shoulders or scrunched in as a makeshift cowl. Not attractive. Not at all indicative of the amount of time I spent carefully stitching away. Not representative of the fancy Addi turbo needles I bought special for the sleeves. Just not at all good or right.


Thankfully, there is the invention called Ravelry that gave me hope that with some careful frogging I *might* be able to fix the neckline to the point where it'd fit. Because apparently this Giant Neckline Through Which One Could Drive a Truck is a common problem with this pattern and has since developed something of a knitting fixer-upper following. I love very much that there are 767 (actual number) other knitters out there who have either finished or are in the process of working through this pattern and have pictures and stories to tell me about what a bitch this neckline is.

"Be careful!", they say.

"Knit extra neckline decrease rows!", they say.

But do I listen?

Well, yes, actually I do. Because I'm not in the business of ignoring people when their instructions could save me a lot of time and aggravation and precious silk yarn. But somehow it's still not working out, so now I'm going to have to go back to that neckline and make some adjustments. But I don't think I can do any adjusting until all the other finishing bits are done since I'll get too despondent looking at loose ends and gaping armpit holes while I'm trying to adjust the neckline that I'll probably throw the whole thing on the ground and throw the aforementioned shit fit right on it.

So0o0o, I'm thinking that if I get through my two sewing projects this weekend and make the strawberry pie from all the berries in our farmshare and then get the dog to the beach and run my 9 miles and make a new chard recipe PLUS FAVA HUMMUS - I *may* finish the rest of the sweater and see what I can do about going back and frogging that neckline into something that looks halfway decent.

If not, I may the route of Ms. Nell at Chicken Knits and reknit that yarn into a Wicked.

On the bright side though, I was able to shine up my favorite old, previously discarded as useless, hummingbird feeder with some handy dandy lemon juice (yeah, I just said handy dandy) and then bring it into the world of Useful Bird Feeders by carefully painting the copper flowers with red and yellow acrylic paint and a coat of clear nail polish.

The hummingbirds have been ALL OVER this feeder ever since.

And since it's a lot prettier than it's cheap but popular predecessor, the very KUH-lassy plastic $4.99 Home Depot model which only held a cup of food and was covered in bird shits, this one act of craftiness alone leaves me with a glimmer of hope that I'm not a totally useless crafter. I can make some things, as long as my tools are Cover Girl clear polish and paint in a tube.

That's something.


  1. You know, I was planning on spending the weekend knitting a hummingbird feeder. Now I'm all freaked out. I mean what if I make the little suck holes are too big? What if it's so huge that the birds get swallowed up by them? What if the sugary red watery goo seeps out through too-short sleeves? What then?

    Screw it, I'm going to a movie. Alone. With unshaven legs.

  2. LOL you crack me up! The only time I tried to knit something I spent more time taking it out than putting it in (the stitches).

    The bird feeder is very pretty!

  3. It's like I say... I think I just like the *idea* of knitting, not the actual act itself. Though, I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out.

    And isn't it amazing how one failing project can make you doubt your craftiness? I love that you used clear nail polish. That is so something I would do.

  4. Gorgeous bird feeder. I'm putting one on my list of garden things to add to our pathetic balcony.

    Yeah- That neckline is a bitch. I hope you can fix it. But I do have to say, I thoroughly love my Wicked. So I'm of very little help this time.


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