Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Do you like SPICY women? [PRIZE]

A friend of mine has a hysterically poor-mannered husband.

He's known for sharing colorful stories at inappropriate times and in the presence of his and other people's children.

I, of course, find him endlessly amusing and often recycle his stories and comments in my own life and to much the same type of responses. Mostly looks of highly satisfying horror or, in the case of my beloved Bubba, wails of laughter.

God, I love that man.

Case in point, the story of his childhood cleaning lady/housekeeper/maid/whatever they called them back in the late 70s.

The woman was a total kook. She hailed from somewhere in Latin America, but due to his story telling skills and lack of personal interest and therefore knowledge, he has no idea where, exactly. He just says she's from Mexico, but who really knows. We know she spoke Spanish, but that's pretty much it. She just wouldn't say.

Anyway, this gal worked for his parents at the house for a lot of years doing what I imagine full time housekeepers do: clean, cook, whip ill-mannered little boys with broom handles - you know, back then you could do whatever.

The unique thing about this woman was that she was a wild saucy spirit, a characteristic not often associated with hard-working cleaning ladies, and she foisted this wild saucy spirit onto her subjects. Specifically, my friend's husband and his brother.

I don't know all the details, but the two that I *do* know have gotten a lot of mileage in my house and the house he shares with his wife (my good friend) and their three kids.

1. The woman referred to herself as "The Sexy Mexican Maid". (Note: She was not sexy, in the conventional way, and she never told him from where she *actually* hailed.)

2. She used to taunt him and his brother by squeeling, "YOU LIKE SPICEEEEEEEY WOMEN?" when they'd arrive home from school with their friends, pick up the phone to make a call or basically do anything where another party was present so that the embarrassment level would increase significantly. She'd then cackle uncontrollably and go back to vacuuming or whatever.

So, yeah, these two bits of the housekeeper story were told in separate intervals, with the kids nearby and at a very high volume, on numerous occasions and have, as such, worked their ways into regular conversation at our house.

And so now let's grow jalapenos.


That was my smooth segue into the PRIZE portion of this otherwise fully random post about the unspoken comedy in the world of undocumented labor.

See, a friend of mine sent me a link to this fabulous type of jalapenos that are specially bred to be super stuffable. Basically, they're jalapeno popper peppers. Like, you could stuff them with cheese, roll them in breading and fry them and have the best white trash bar treat in all the land.

OBVIOUSLY, I had to have them. Because I am a spicy woman. Do you see the connection now? I knew you would. FYI: This has nothing to do with any sexy Mexican maids.

But, when I was on the site buying these seeds, of course I had to do a little looking around in their shop to support their cause and all and came across their awesome looking book that tells you how to best grow, cook and use the peppers.

Why, yes, I DO think I need that, too.

Especially since this will involve me starting seeds indoors and then moving them out of doors, which is something we all know I suck at.

But there was something else I decided I needed in order to get through this whole growing of SPICY peppers exercise - someone else growing them with me. So that when mine totally croak and fail, I can see whether my friend's seeds have croaked and failed and then not be suicidal.

Or perhaps we both grow so many jalapenos that everyone gets pickled jalapenos or stuffed jalapenos for their birthdays.

Whatever - I need a partner in crime for this, is what I'm saying. Be my pepper friend? Do you like spicy women? IS ANY OF THIS GETTING THROUGH?

The prize though, and how to win it...


Do YOU like SPICY women and/or peppers?
Do YOU want to maybe make some WT appetizers for a late summer BBQ?
Do YOU want to discuss the legal and ethical implications of undocumented labor?

If you screamed YES at your computer for either of the first two questions, you should first look around and make sure no one saw you do that because - douche - and then you should leave a comment to the effect of, "Yes, I'll grow peppers with you, Finny and also I don't care what your POV is on undocumented labor because that story was still funny."

If you had any reaction other than, "Er. No." to the last question, please forget you read this post and just come back another time. I only say that because *I* don't want to talk about undocumented labor, I just want to make fun of it in a juvenile and ignorant way.

And then I want to grow peppers while one of you grows them, too, and while the rest of you stand around going, "These douches are totally going to blow this. I'm glad I choose Team Melons because THAT'S where the rubber meets the garden."

You guys are such judgers. Also, that Team Melons thing doesn't really make sense, so HA!

Alright, I'm losing it. Cast your comments to win the book and a packet of these seeds by 4/1 and I'll announce the winner on 4/2.



  1. Yes, I like Spicy Women AND I'll grow peppers with you, Finny! And I just put that book on hold at the library, in case I don't win it.

  2. Oh man! I would really love to grow peppers with you! I am all about a WT appetizer..

  3. hey - i would love to grow peppers and become a spicy type.. but do i get to play as i live in NZ??? - (where there are plenty of spicy sheep)

  4. Jess I will grow spicy peppers with joo!

    But I will need lots of pepper seeds because I have ravenous Mexican snails who delight in demolishing White Trash Appetizers...

    I have no idea what I just said. But count me in!

  5. I would like to be an undocumented spicy woman in a next life and so to fully prepare for that, I feel I need to win this.

    Somehow, it'll all come together and I may even wear an apron doing it. Maybe.

    But it'll give me something to marvel at while I have my dry heaves from running in my yard. I won't just be staring at dandelions.. I can stare at peppers.

  6. Si, senorita. Me gustan mujeres picantes y los jalapenos son mis favoritos! Quiero cultivar jalapenos. Vamos cultivarlos juntos!

    In otherwords, PICK ME!

    "Yes lady. I like spicy women and jalapenos are my favorite! I want to grow jalapenos. Let's grow them together!"

    Also, I can't wait to hear more about the bees!

  7. Finny, I don't just like spicy women, I AM a spicy woman! Plus, I want to grow sexy mexican peppers with you. Is it just me or does that sound vaguely inappropriate?

  8. Mmmmm. Spiceeeeey. Mmmmmm. Pepperssss. Nom nom nom. Off to the fridge now.

  9. I would LOVE to. Partially so I could have awesome poppers at my very fresh disposal and partially so I could walk around all spring and summer calling myself a SPICY woman. Hee.

    Sadly, peppers are one of the things that don't grow very well in our "we never get above 80 degrees" climate in the PNW, so please don't count me in for the prize. I just wanted to express my support for spicy women and awesome WT treats in the backyard.

  10. ALL - Just thought I'd check in and let you know that YAY! I'm glad everyone who said that they were interested in growing peppers with me will be put in the running to win - regardless of where you live. If you just came here to say that you're spicy, too, that's awesome as well.

  11. I, too, live in the chilly, damp PNW...but jalepenos seem to LOVE the climate on my patio, so count me in! Any time I get a chance to be both spicy AND WT, I'm all in!

  12. Not spicy. I think I must have extra taste buds or something--can't handle heat of any kind. Boo. It's a great failing I have.

    I will be growing jalapenos, of course, but only for my salsa and to pickle for other people who aren't such pussies about spice. So, no book for me, thanks.

    But I will be following along on your spicy jalapeno adventure, with a bowl of mild salsa at my side.

  13. I would love to grow spicy WT treats with you, but I would have to grow mine in a window box - will that be acceptable?

  14. I have a WT style of jalapeno stuffing and bacon wrapping that results in great nommage. There are bamboo skewers and ziploc bags involved. Thankfully, Food City waters my peppers for me, because I have black thumb.


[2013 update: You can't comment as an anonymous person anymore. Too many douchebags were leaving bullshit SPAM comments and my inbox was getting flooded, but if you're here to comment in a real way like a real person, go to it.]

Look at you commenting, that's fun.

So, here's the thing with commenting, unless you have an email address associated with your own profile, your comment will still post, but I won't have an email address with which to reply to you personally.

Sucks, right?

Anyway, to remedy this, I usually come back to my posts and post replies in the comment field with you.

But, if you ever want to email me directly to talk about pumpkins or shoes or what it's like to spend a good part of your day Swiffering - shoot me an email to finnyknitsATgmailDOTcom.