Wednesday, November 19, 2008

This pattern is such a joker.

Well, that took a while. The knitting of the body of this sweater.

This was totally a Step 1: Remove engine process and I really couldn't be happier to be on the other side of that one line in the pattern.

The line that was like, "Once you've increased to X point, continue in garter border pattern until piece measures 37.5 inches" or something like that.

Oh really, is that all? Just, like, knit 37 and AND ONE HALF inches of this one billion stitches per row pattern? Well. That will be lovely. I can't wait to go to the grave knitting this sweater. By then perhaps it will have become one with my lap and we won't have to worry about burial undergarments.

Whoa. Morbid.

Anyway, in honor of my finishing the body of this sweater, I'd like to take this opportunity to amend the pattern to read, "Once you've increased to X point, just knit forever. And if you run out of yarn, which you probably will, buy more yarn in increments of one half ton and continue until your finger bones poke through the skin. Make 2."

Ha haha ha!

Sorry, that whole "Make 2" bit is my other favorite knitting pattern punchline. Jerks.

So, it's obvious that this sweater is driving me ever closer to official insanity, but the good news is that I am done with, what I imagine (and enthusiastically hope for godssake GEEZ), is the most mind-numbing part and can now move on to more bite sized parts of this project like sleeves and a belt and some belt loops and some seaming business with the hood.

I may have to reorder yarn in the mean time, since I only have 1 1/2 skeins left somehow (yes, somehow indeed - SWEATER THAT ATE A FIELD OF COTTON - you know who you are), but I'm deep down hoping that, by some miracle, I can eek out the rest of this monster sweater with what I have on hand.

Because wouldn't that just suck the bag to get down to, like, the last belt loop and be like Whoopsy, I'm all outta yarn and now of course this yarn is back-ordered or doesn't come in this color anymore and gee I wish I woulda bought more when I thought of this...

Yes, that would suck. Not that I'm going to do anything about it, like order more yarn NOW, because that would be silly. What if I got to the end and DID end up having enough and then suddenly had EXTRA? What then?!

Horror, that's what. I don't like waste. And sometimes Extra = Waste in my pea brain, so of course I have to cut it close and inevitably piss myself off. But that's later.

For now, I can just worry about what if I'm putting my heart and soul and finger bones into knitting a sweater that turns out looking like horse shit when I go to try it on. And believe me, I worry about this pretty much constantly from the moment I cast on.

I'm telling you, folks, being inside my head is not always fun and gin cocktails.


  1. "Well, that took a while." AYKM???? It seems like you just started that sweater! Great progress -- I'm still working on a sweater that I started three years ago!

  2. OK, see now, I just finished my very FIRST knitting project: a beer coozy. So, even though this here newbie knitter feels completely dwarfed by your talent, please give yourself a well-deserved pat on the back. I look forward to the day when I hurt my brain from attempting to knit a sweater.

  3. shit, sister. That sweater rocks. I don't knit so it all just seems like magic to me. And if you have extra, you could knit a somethin' for your Montana blog pal. It's cold up here....

    You *PRIZE* was shipped on Monday! Let me know when you get it.

  4. Lovely... I will also get some good yarn from Joann Fabrics to my mother & tell her to make such beautiful sweater for me.

  5. Oh my! You must just knit all day and night, cause how else would you get all that done on a sweater that fast??? I'm still not done with my measley little dishcloth, um that I started how many weeks ago? Crap, you make me look like the Slowskis.
    (I just know you have seen that Comcast commercial, please tell me you have!)

  6. And this is why I don't knit. Because I have the attention span of a house fly with ADD. I couldn't possibly do anything that took this long. I'd enjoy it for half an hour and then throw it across the room and beg Husband to watch a movie with me. Meanwhile the cat would take up residence on my two-inches of smooshed-together yarn and it would end up with cat lick all over it. Nope, doesn't sound like fun.

  7. Anna - Thanks for the pep talk. I think I'm knitting more because of The Fear I won't get it finished. Ever. Like my other sweaters.

    scmtngirl - Let us all pat ourselves on the back for the torture we put ourselves through in the name of fiber arts.

    dig - Oh you just wait. I'm going to send a woolen invention to you to guinea pig. PREPARE THYSELF.

    Bailee - I think that is the wisest choice. This thing is taking forever.

    Claudia - Don't feel bad. This is the third sweater I've attempted to destroy. The other two are still languishing at the bottom of my stash. We can be Slowskis together (PUSH IT REAL GOOD!). Of course I've seen these ads. :)

    Decca - Yes, that sounds like a bad idea. Also, Rocket is not allowed near the bag of sweater. Which is what it is right now. Because it only has 1/8 of a sleeve so far.

  8. Do you know I have friends who regularly refer to you as "Finny, you know. The funny blogger." As if I needed a reminder to who Finny was.
    And also? As if I needed a reminder to the funny: the sweater that ate an entire cotton field." HA!

  9. almost done! love it. i know you knit forever, I stopeed at 35 inches I think, then blocked it at the length. can't wait to see it on you!


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