Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Today on Finnyknits: We learn a thing.

Once upon a time, Bubba gave me a pile of dirt. Remember?

Yeah. Me too.

And let us also remember that I got all eager beaver crazy puppy over it and, before thinking or adequately scouring the internet for information about it or heeding the warning of my knows-a-lot neighbor, I just went shoveling it merrily into my vegetable beds.

Oh.

Because I thought - OH WELL I'LL TEST THE SOIL AND THEN ALL WILL BE RIGHT WITH THE WORLD.

Sort of. Things are sort of right.

Also, things are sort of wrong.

Overall, things are meh.

Right things: The cucumbers and peppers are happy as muther fucking clams.

Happy
muther effing clams

Meh things: The tomatoes and potatoes are not.

Just whatever.
Um, those tomatoes should be a hedge by now. Whoops.


And why do we think that is, class?

Because jackass over here (that's me) took one look at the magically delicious soil test results with their "YOU DON'T NEED TO ADD A DAMN THING TO THE SOIL" readings and went, pffffffffft, we are so done here.

TOO MAGICAL
Except that I did need to add some stuff to the soil.

I mean, I thought about it, but then based on the information in the soil test kit about what pH level the vegetables liked, I just left it all alone.

I should have added some peat moss to the tomato beds to bring down the pH. That was a mistake.

So, as a result, this year's tomato harvest is looking a lot like last year's cucumber harvest - potentially sucky.


So, that thing we learn today: Tomatoes like a pH between 6-6.5 and cucumbers like a pH around 6.5-7. and mucking about with those numbers too much is bad business and results in lackluster plants who can't absorb the nutrients in the soil adequately because things are just not right for them.

PICKY BASTARDS.

No, I kid. I love the bastards very much. We'll make it just right next year.

And, there - don't say you never learned anything from Finny.

Oh! Bonus thing to learn: What does Finny do when the tomatoes are sucking ass but the cucumbers are being all LOOK OVER HERE AT US AREN'T WE CUTE?

Almost too cute to pick. ALMOST I SAID.

We pickle.

Every cucumber that comes out of the garden.

NO ONE IS SAFE.
Is it just me, or do these look like poos in there?
Pickling to fend off feelings of failure. Pickling to soothe the cries of WHAT HAPPENED I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS that I scream at the tomatoes. Pickling because that's also what I do in the summer because LO we never have enough pickles.

Do you guys eat a lot of pickles? Apparently we do. And my family does. They're the first things to disappear from the cupboard every winter and the first thing I'm chomping at the bit to get back in there.

Enough stories about pickles, though, you get it. I have cucumbers. I have made pickles. They are in the cupboard.

Also, the tomatoes and potatoes are in revolt because their soil is too alkaline wahhhhhhhhh. Except for the dirty hippie who was spared the drama in the raised beds by living in its weird spot elsewhere in the yard.

OK, that's as disjointed as I'm willing to be in one post.

12 comments:

  1. OMG, you make me laugh so hard!

    Better luck next year with the tomatoes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Let's hope the three remaining plants do *something* because otherwise it's about to get dark around here.

      Delete
  2. My daughter asked me if she could eat a pickle instead of her peas and who am I to argue? It's a veggie, it counts.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Maybe I should test my soil. My harvest totally sucks this year. Everything is slow growing especially the tomatoes and cucumbers. Gave them some organic veggie fertilizer and things seem to be perking up. We are hoping for the best now. Those pickles look great. We made them for the first time this year and fell in love. The three jars we made only lasted 2 days.

    ReplyDelete
  4. What will you add to the tomato beds to make them happier?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, they'll have had a year to mellow out when I plant them next spring, so that will reduce the pH. If I test and they come back with a high pH again, I'll add peat moss to bring it down to neutral. :)

      Delete
  5. Next time you visit, I want to walk through testing soil, etc. Also? I kinda hope I'm going to benefit from those pickles. See how I make everything all about me? I AM SUCH A PAIN.

    Also -- love and miss you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolutely on all of the above.

      Delete
  6. Hate to admit this, but it just *might* be a suck-tastic Tomato Year in SanHoe. I, too, performed the Finnyknits-Test-And-Amend-Ritual(TM), prior to planting, but I'm not getting the AMAZING results I expected.

    Might it be the weather? We've only had teasing "hints" of summer down here (down the road apiece from you - that's Farmer-Speak for "We are practically neighbors!").

    Anyhoooo.... My mater plants have NOT gotten as monstrous as they should be, by now (although they *are* starting to produce). My friend, D (also in SSJ), who benefited hugely from the "My eyes are bigger than my yard" Shopping Frenzy @ the Master Gardeners Sale. Anyway, HER plants are still puny, too - but she's harvesting boatloads of maters (and zukes) in spite of it!

    I guess what I'm sayin' is: You are not alone in the "Why aren't my Tomatoes Threatening a Coup?" mystery.

    Now I'm *wishing* I'd planted Cukes (actually, I think I might have - but the snails must-a gotten 'em). If you *happen* to find yourself with - ahem - an "Excess" lemme know, k?! I want to try pickling! (Swap ya for some peaches, maybe?! :-)

    -QT

    ReplyDelete

[2013 update: You can't comment as an anonymous person anymore. Too many douchebags were leaving bullshit SPAM comments and my inbox was getting flooded, but if you're here to comment in a real way like a real person, go to it.]

Look at you commenting, that's fun.

So, here's the thing with commenting, unless you have an email address associated with your own profile, your comment will still post, but I won't have an email address with which to reply to you personally.

Sucks, right?

Anyway, to remedy this, I usually come back to my posts and post replies in the comment field with you.

But, if you ever want to email me directly to talk about pumpkins or shoes or what it's like to spend a good part of your day Swiffering - shoot me an email to finnyknitsATgmailDOTcom.

Cheers.