Friday, April 13, 2012

My soil is magically delicious

Alright my lovelies (see how I'm nice? Spring does that to me.), it's time to test your fucking soil already.

Oops, mean again. Oh well.

Know what's not mean? The results from the soil tests from my newly mushroom composted soil.

A rainbow should be shooting out of this photo right now.
Seriously, I'm expecting a fucking leprechaun to jump out of the damn beds with soil tests that rich.

And then! I will demand to see this alleged pot of gold and also find out why all of the marshmallows in that hideous cereal taste the same and get jammed up in my molars when I forgo shame and actually eat that shit.

But my shameful sugar cereal addiction from childhood is not the point here, the point here is that my soil is THE MOST.

Yeah - see all those crossed out 0s? That means I don't have to add ANYTHING to my soil.

Nothing. No bone meal. No creepy vampire astronaut food (dried blood, obviously - GET THERE FASTER, PEOPLE). No wood ash. And, not even any of the aluminum sulfate which I was *going* to add except that it's grody so I'd want to use peat moss instead and also because I don't need it since I changed what I was planting in that bed and those Good Time Vegetables are OK with a pH of 7.0.

Good kids, those.

Though, you will notice that the pH across the beds is a skosh high when compared to last year.

BUT ONLY A SKOSH. Nothing to be worried about.

And just because I like to show off my super high tech methods for soil testing, check out my collection of used flower vases that now serve the purpose of holding soil and water samples so that I can do all four beds' tests in one sitting rather than running back and forth from bed to hose to table to whatever like a fucking lunatic.

Perhaps this is not what the ProFlowers people had in mind with their Free Vase offer.
Feel free to use this shortcut WHEN YOU'RE TESTING YOUR SOIL, too because it speeds up the process a bit so that you don't fry your back in the recently emerged with a vengeance spring sun.

Not that I've ever done that.

And hey, if you need a soil test kit, amendments or whatever - I have handy links to those in my sidebar. Though that will mean that you can't use the excuse that you couldn't find the test kit in the one aisle of your hardware store that you looked in so oh well maybe next year but, come on, peckerhead. Just test your soil already.

Then let's get down to this business of growing a lot of tomatoes.


  1. And yay Bubba, for getting you the compost.

    I don't test my soil (yeah, I know, badbadbad), but I DO add tons of sheep-shit straw to it every year, so I really don't worry about it. Let's hear it for organic matter! Even when "organic" means smelly, disgusting shit-infused sheep bedding. Gross. But the plants don't think so.

    1. Well, if I've learned anything from this year's mushroom composting experiment, it's that adding a bunch of organic material to the beds is as good as adding amendments - if not better. Though I'll wait to see what the results of the garden are before passing 100% judgement. But - imagine if you tested your soil AFTER adding in all that sheep shit. IMAGINE THE COLORS.

  2. Maybe you have it somewhere and I am illiterate but can you share what type of testing kits you have? I have a tester for pH but would love to test the NPK. I totally agree with testing soil! It's super important.

    1. I've used the Luster Leaf Rapidtest - it's linked from my sidebar and...right here :) Are you blogging your soil testing? I wanna see!


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