Monday, February 09, 2009

Craft:along February - An example of my crazy.

Dear Donk,

Let me first be honest with the crafters out there and come clean about the fact that I sorta (totally) begged you to pick the fabric bowl as one of our projects this month

I did this because as soon as I saw it in my Reader, I knew I was going to make it anyway and wouldn't it be better for everyone if it was also a project I *had* to do for our craft along rather than just another project that took time away from things I should really be doing around my house like weeding the back .40 so that I don't almost die later?

See, I knew you'd all understand. Bless you.

It's just that I knew immediately that it would answer a question that had been plaguing me for a very long period of time. 

A very important question that'd had my brain achurnin', unproductively, for some months already. 

A question that would resurface every time I set the table for a nice din-din with Bubba. 

A question that was driving me slowly and ridiculously insane in a way that wasn't even related to the question's inherent ridiculousness.

Prepare yourself...

How can I make the tub of Smart Balance less ugly on my table?

Yes, people, this is the question that has been rattling around in my pea brain for, let's say, 3 months. In there with such other useful, world-changing gems like how to train the dog to wipe her paws before she comes inside and how to best organize the toilet paper under the bathroom sink to allow for optimum storage space saving. (Dog - 0, TP - 1!)

And now you see why I haven't gotten to more important things like world peace and reviving the economy - because I've been trying to make my dog's feet clean, the TP neat and the butter tub pretty.

Yeah, my frivolousity is sometimes amazing even to me. I know. Shame, eyerolling, etc...

But I know you're all curious to see what I did because deep down you've all wondered yourselves how to make that tub of Smart Balance (or Country Crock or whipped butter or whathaveyou and I don't want any lip about the fact that we eat this stuff, so can it) look less crappy on your table when you set it up all nice with proper utensils and maybe some clean linens, too, riiiiiiiiiiiiight?

Yes. You have. Just tell me you have because it will make me feel less like a jackass.

Smart Balance says, "Don't I look less ugly? Thank you."

I only used about 25 ft of cording (rather than the 50 feet the pattern called for) and all the scraps left over from a skirt and this trash bag (another frivolous brain pattern) to make it, including the two extra mini-handles to hold !TAH DOW! the butter knife.

Because, obviously, one can't have a butter tub TUB without a butter knife holder, can one? No.

So, totally excuse me for letting my brain run amok with table setting silliness instead of more important world-fixing things, but wouldn't you find this a more pleasing setting at which to dine than one set all perfect-like except with a giant tub of Smart Balance slammed down amongst the otherwise uninterrupted prettiness?

Again, just say yes.

See, you barely notice the butter tub, there. It blends, y'all.

And as long as I don't take the tub of butter with me in the car (where the trash bag lives) on a day when I'm wearing my Barcelona skirt sewn from that same Amy Butler fabric, no one will witness the extreme nature of my obvious and far-reaching Crazy.

And FINALLY my butter tub is pretty!

Yay. I'm insane.



  1. Very Nice Finny. You must never underestimate the value of an attractive butter tub LOL!

  2. I think being insane with a pretty tub o' butter bowl on your table is much better than being insane with an ugly tub o' butter on your table.
    Okay, that was a mouthful...just saying.
    *sturthy* was the word verification for me today. I kind of like that word. We should try to use these words in a sentence know like, um...Your new butter bowl is really sturthy.
    Now who's insane???

  3. For the record, I don't think that trying to cover a Smart Balance tub is frivolous. I think it's genius. I mean, as genius as anything relating to tub butter can be.

  4. So, was this terribly hard to figure out? IT looks so pretty, and I'd love to make one for my mama for mother's day. That said, it looks daunting. Tell me otherwise.
    Happy butter. :)

  5. Wow. Just, um . . . wow.

  6. Yes, yes, and yes! I love it!
    But I'm with Kelli - how tricky was this--give us the low down!

  7. Oh come on! With the knife holder, even? Well, I love it. Yes, I, of the bag of shredded cheese set out right on the table instead of placed in a nice bowl, like it. A lot. And getting a basket that high and tight isn't easy, either, so you really rocked this thing all the way around.

  8. Anna - While I felt like a frivolous fool for spending all my brain power trying to hatch this thing, my table *did* look prettier! That's enough for me.

    Claudia - I agree! People will be less likely to call out my insanity if they are wooed by my pretty butter tub. Maybe THAT is stirthy?

    Christine - Yes, I'm all about focusing my genius on disguising faux butter products. It's a niche, but I like it.

    Kelli - Dude. Not at all. Seriously, the pattern was easy to follow and I didn't even have to read it twenty times like usual.

    I did only use half as much cord as the pattern called for, so that's about the only change.

    And the pattern says that if you want more height to your bowl, all you have to do is hold it at a more extreme angle, which totally worked.

    For the record, I eyefucked the placement of the handles, which anyone can do :)

    Kris - You love it. I know you'd never eat anything shameful as Smart Balance, but you'll be happy to know that the set dining room table shots actually have a whipped butter tub in the new tub Tub, so don't worry.

    Rohan - See note to Kell above, but it's wicked easy. Try it out!

    Meg - I've been guilty of the bag of cheese, too, but we were also having our neighbors over, so I tried to hide my WTness as much as possible :) Plus, this tub Tub looks so cute in my fridge.

  9. I think the tub tub is awesome. Plus you get to say "tub tub", which is fun.

    I used to use Smart Balance. Until the day I forgot to put it back in the fridge and it melted and separated, and when I looked at it I literally gagged. Now I use Promise, which does not melt on the counter. Which scares me, too, but at least I don't gag.

  10. What pretty pictures! And, you have a really nice dining area!

  11. You know, I quite understand the need to prettify the butter dish. This is really a very clever idea and I love how your bowl came out.

  12. Seriously, I hate that my lovely meal is often ruined by my ugly condiments. You are not alone, Ms Finny! I'll have to make one of these, but bigger for my huge vat of Country Crock.

  13. Dear Finny and Donk,
    I recieved my first issue of Craft magazine in the mail just a couple of days. Let me tell you it was even better than I imagined it would be. Thanks again for the fabulous prize.


[2013 update: You can't comment as an anonymous person anymore. Too many douchebags were leaving bullshit SPAM comments and my inbox was getting flooded, but if you're here to comment in a real way like a real person, go to it.]

Look at you commenting, that's fun.

So, here's the thing with commenting, unless you have an email address associated with your own profile, your comment will still post, but I won't have an email address with which to reply to you personally.

Sucks, right?

Anyway, to remedy this, I usually come back to my posts and post replies in the comment field with you.

But, if you ever want to email me directly to talk about pumpkins or shoes or what it's like to spend a good part of your day Swiffering - shoot me an email to finnyknitsATgmailDOTcom.