Tuesday, March 04, 2008

I think The Old is happening

When Bubba and I were out standing in our field (as always - ha!) pontificating about where my new veg bed would go and where The Fruit Tree of Bubba's Dreams would go, we were having a really hard time picturing any of it because of all these damn weeds.

When the convo turned to "lets just fucking nuke them and be done with it" I wasn't thrilled, per say, but I wasn't really putting up a good argument to the contrary. What am I going to do anyway, pull them all myself? By hand? I mean come on, let's not be a hero.

But as time wore on and the weeds got taller still and I spent more time sitting out in the empty veg beds with my morning brew staring my deadly laserbeam evil stare at the weeds, I couldn't get *right* with the idea of spraying chemicals all over the place and especially not right near my veg garden with its organic this and companion planting that and and also not where we're going to plant a fruit tree that will hopefully grow fruit that we will eat.

I mean, I'm not perfect and I'm not even, like, mostly acceptable most of the time, but the contradiction of brewing an organic garden with all of my heart and soul over here and then nuking the ever loving crap out of the weeds right next to it over there was becoming impossible for me to justify.

What kind of a two faced loser was I anyway? And, plus, what if in the Rounding Up some of the chemical cooties got into the garden soil? What then I ask you?!

Horror and tragedy, that's what.

So, last Saturday, while Bubba was off being a very good friend and moving house for his BFF, I summoned all my naive courage and also my mud shoes and best gardening gloves ever and walked out to the back .40.

"Fuck you weeds. Your asses are mine."

Oh yes, I really said it. Out loud at 8:30am. Probably loud enough for my neighbors to hear. And then I pulled weeds for, like, four+ hours.

For a while I was pulling and filling up the yard waste bin and dragging it to the street and dumping it out and doing it over again and thinking, "Huh, this isn't SO bad. What was *my* problem?"

And then after doing that three times I remember thinking, "Huh, this is taking much longer than I expected and how big is this street pile going to get and also my back is kind of hurting."

And then after the fourth trip and finishing up the back area and moving on to the front of the yard and also mowing I thought, "Yeah, so I'll probably be a *little* sore tomorrow, but it's still worth it!"

Oh what a mighty underestimater I am.

It would appear that The Old I've heard so much about (thank you Bubba for these kind and constant reminders) may be finally starting to manifest itself in certain areas of my body. Like, for example, my hamstrings. My hamstrings that feel like they're stretched over a drum. A really big drum that's on fire and also totally immune to the numbing effects of, say, extra large doses of Advil, gin, heating pads, more gin, some PainAid from the first aid kit at work and "therapeutic easy jogs".

It is now Wednesday, a cool five days after The Pulling of a Billion Weeds (four days if you're being generous since I finished in the afternoony hours) and I'm still mostly incapacitated. The dog's walks have been stilted and lackluster. Our chase sessions in the park have been more like "You run around and I'll make growly noises at you from the bench, OK?" sessions. My coworkers think I'm either secretly 90 years old or Frankenstein since I groan when I sit down and walk without bending at the knee. This morning when I went on a mad closet hunt for my favorite flip flops (Yay! Sunny!) I had to ask for help getting up.

I'm only *a little* worried.

But as long as I can hobble my sad self out to the veg beds this weekend and plant the seeds for the Yet Still Organic garden, I'm OK with it.

Take that! Stupid asshole weeds.


  1. You rock!
    Too little too late I think, but for next time, consider smothering the weedy bastards. I use livestock feed bags opened up. You can use newspaper or black plastic. It kills the weeds and then you just compost their pathetic remains or simply pile your soil and organic matter on top. Voila, no yankin spankin.

  2. You're freaking awesome! I'd have given up after about 10 minutes. 30 tops.

    Reading your gardening adventures is making me want to plant tomatoes. I just wish they wouldn't take over my deck like something out of Little Shop of Horrors though.

  3. Damn, girl. I am wildly impressed. You are a beast, and I totally mean that in a good way. Here's hoping you get rid of the old & creaky before the weekend.

  4. Oh my goodness, that is amazing! That is seriously a HUGE pile of weeks by the street!

  5. And now you understand why the concept of "your as young as you feel" is horrifying. The body, she does not lie. Welcome.

    The garden, though, she looks fabulous. You'll be walking briskly again in no time, and look what you have waiting for you out back!!

  6. holy shiznit. That's a lot of weeds. I'd rather go the route "John, you do a much better job of pulling the weeds. AND I'll let you sleep in for a 1/2" I'm pretty much the man at negotiating like that ;)

    But, kudos to you for taking on all that work by yourself. Hopefully you'll be feeling less old soon! ;) I'm sure that it's nothing a nice margarita can't fix.

  7. Oh honey. Just another reason I must live closer. You know I would have been there to help! I am so sorry you are still feeling the effects. That said? Your plot looks fabu and you didn't give those Roundup folk one penny. I am so proud, I'm beaming!

  8. Oh. My. God.

    You are AWESOME.

  9. Great job! It looks beautiful and healthy and ready for your veggies.

    Yeah, I'd hate to tell you that it just goes downhill from here... Sorry.

  10. holy mother of god. I can't believe you did that! you are a hero. wow. not even a speck of grass to be had.

  11. Oh, that looks beautiful. Yay for not using round up. And I feel exactly that way every time we go out dancing. I think I'm going to die (or wish I would). Ya, getting old sucks.

    And, I agree with Anonymous. If you ever face this situation again... sheet composting really is awesome. There's a book about "lasagna gardening" that describes just putting down a quarter inch of wet newspaper right over the weeds and then following it with layers of various compostable materials. The weeds become part of the compost and you end up with awesome black dirt and no weed pulling.

  12. Ok, I know you're in pain and I feel for ya, I really do. But oh man, I'm jealous too. I so want a garden of my own, even if it makes me sore.

  13. Anon - I am def. keeping this method in mind for next season in the event that we don't get our shit together and do all the landscapy that we're planning on and I end up with another huge crop of weeds. Thanks!

    Keri - My tomatoes do the same thing, as you'll hopefully see again this summer. I find that it is worth it and I tend to try to live *around* the tomatoes for the better part of the summer. Good luck!

    Dawnie - I *think* I'm on the mend. I was able to walk the dog this morning without wincing and while walking at a normal speed. This is an improvement and I have high hopes for Saturday.

    Lynn - RIGHT?! It was bigger before they wilted. I was very impressed with myself.

    Meg - I'd like to be as young as I feel AS I'm doing the weed pulling rather than AFTER I do it. I was feeling like a million bucks! *Sigh*

    Katie Jean - You might be right. I may need something stronger than gin and Advil. Perhaps tequila is the way to go.

    Africankelli - Um, yes. You should live closer for many reasons. Only one of which is helping your apparently very old friend weed her yard. I pay in pickles!

    Kathi - Aw shucks ;)

    Lera - Always Johnny on the Spot with the reality check - but thank you, I guess this is when the Old and Grey starts?

    Katie - Not a speck!!! I was even tempted to till after this. Can you imagine? I'd be in the hospital.

    Wendy - I will so try that method if I ever end up with a crop like this again. Hopefully we'll finish our landscaping plans and not have a wide open canvas for the weeds to fill this winter. One can hope...

    Stephanie - Hey - I knew what I was getting into and I also knew it would be worth it. Being sore all week is so worth having a chemical free yard for my veggies to roam. :)

  14. *shhhhh* I have been been known to cheat and use either:
    A) boiling water if it's a small area
    B) vinegar
    C) salt water
    D) All 3

    Course I still have to deal with my carpal tunnel from the squirt bottle the next day, but it's better than the hunched over old woman walk. ;)

  15. Good for you. That Round-up is some NASTY shit. To be avoided at all costs. Sore bones are nothing a margarita can't heal. Just sayin'. I have a garden full of grass to pull up myself...
    got the blender reader?

  16. You know, Forrest and I are always up for a work weekend. We're just a phone call away.

  17. GREAT decision.NOT to use ROUND-UP.I know it's advertised as SUPPOSEDLY practically natural/organic but it is NOT.My friend used it in her beloved garden beds and received DEAD soil in return :( NOTHING will grow there now:( Just make sure you cover that bare ground with SOMETHING..ANYTHING (black plastic,newspapers,mulch...something..BEFORE the weed seeds germinate...GOOD LUCK :)

  18. I know what you mean about the old creeping in. oy.

    holy hell that must be so satisfying!

  19. What beautiful bare space to start from scratch! Nice work!

    Alot of those "weeds" looked like geraniums? I'm guessing they're some weed you folks over on the west coast have that I don't see over here?

    Too bad you don't have a compost bin going - you could've cooked those up into some healthy compot for your garden in months!


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