Tuesday, March 25, 2008

I don't even want to talk about it + I CAN'T WAIT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

I started this post at least three times already. Trying to recount, in a way that didn't make me want to barf, the other pipe explosions we had after Pipe Explosion #1.

I've given up.

It's sad, too, because I even managed to take pictures of the other ruptured pipes and the big pudding puddles they created in our yard, but I am, like, SO over busted pipes at this point that I don't even have it in me to make jokes about it or even scream swears.

Sure, some people spent Easter Sunday prancing in meadows wearing floofy lavender dresses searching for magic sparkly chocolate eggs while we were up to our shoulders in filth muck hunting for the hole in a rusted 100 year old pipe BUT WHATEVER. I'm barely even annoyed anymore.

Like I said, I'm over it.

So, rather than sit here and bore you with my flagrant ranting (which, by the way, was going to be some pretty first class ranting by the collection of "shits" and "fucks" that got picked up by the spellchecker), I am going to move on to happier topics like my fourth vegetable bed.

Don't worry - I'll try to work in some flagrant ranting for flavor's sake.

After the Pipe Explosion That Will Not Be Named on Easter Sunday morning, Bubba and I made our traditional trip to Home Depot to get the goods for veg bed #4. And because we know that Easter Sunday is the best day of the whole wide year to shop at Home Depot, we took our long list that even included 24 cubic feet of soil and were STILL in and out in half an hour.

It was really pretty awesome. Even for Easter Sunday at Home Depot.

Have I told you about Easter Sunday at Home Depot? Let me derail for a moment. You'll thank me.

Easter Sunday is the best day of the entire year to shop at Home Depot. I'd wager it is the best day of the year to shop at most stores, if they're open, but it's especially sweet at HD given the unbridled mayhem in that store on any other day - which goes twice for weekend days.

Easter Sunday, when all the good and decent people are at church and doing the aforementioned frolicking with magic eggs, the heathens like Bubba and I descend on the vacant aisles of Home Depot with our long lists and focused flatbed carts.

Because this is the day when you can *gasp* push a cart down the aisles without having to scream or kill anyone. You can actually get a look at the whole rack of miscellaneous breaker box covers without having to shove a crazy old woman out of your way. Or worse, her cart with the two ravenous Chihuahuas in it.

This is the day when you can show up, park closer to Home Depot than to your house, and stroll in without having to say "excuse me. Excuse Me. EXCUSE ME. MOVE YOUR FUCKING ASS!" two feet after crossing the threshold.

If you do not believe me, then I encourage you to skip church and fruity egg hunting next Easter and try it out. Bring your long list and leave your patience at home - you won't need it. Just the list and your debit card. You can do a year's worth of HD shopping in an hour and never have to come back all year.

In a word, it is Grand.

So the point of this year's Festive Easter Shopping at Home Depot was to get all the stuff to make veg bed #4, which I am proud to say IS IN.

It is in, and plumbed and seeded and not yet growing so I'm not going to get too crazy about photographing it because it will just be boring to you and probably me too a little bit. I will tell you however, [Alert Thimbleanna] a couple of the runners up from Adopt a Crop made it into the #4 bed.
I am hoping like hell to have:
  • Rainbow chard
  • Snap peas
  • Sweet peas
  • Perfecto radishes
  • Black seeded simpson lettuce
  • Bell peppers of unknown variety
  • Ugly marigolds
  • Token nasturtium
So far we have nothing but dirt and sprinkler heads, but I have hope. It's mostly hope that no more pipes burst so that I don't have to run naked and screaming onto the freeway during rush hour, but it's also hope that this will be my favorite time of year: the time when I do nothing but watch the garden grow and get ready for my REAL FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR: when the harvesting happens.

Like I've told you - my life is vurrrrrry glamorous, dahling.


  1. Wow, that brought back memories of my trips to HD when I lived in LA. The memories of wanting to stab myself or someone else with the nearest sharp tool.

  2. yes, sounds nice. I am so jealous right now! we still have so much snow here, very dirty, very ugly!
    HD does sound like fun on easter. We love going.

  3. WOOHOOOOOO!!!! DEEEE-TROIT BEETS!!! (OK, I have no idea what DETROIT beets are, but they're BEETS and that's all that matters.) Really, to quote your famous phrase, "you'll thank me" when it's time to harvest and you're munching on divine beets. Ah Lurve me a beet! Sorry about the pipes. I'll be looking very forward to New Bed #4 updates throughout the spring!!!

  4. Due to your enthusiasm over gardening I have planted my very first green thingy -- a raspberry cane, actually two. Wish me luck.

  5. I'm glad you think marigolds are ugly too. My husband bought me a $2 pot of marigolds for Mother's Day last year, and had no concept that it didn't count as buying me flowers. $(#$%*$

  6. You are quite productive when it comes to gardening. You already know how jealous I am of that!

  7. Good tip on the ho depot. I really despise that place and avoid it at all costs but if I need to go I will go next April on a particular Sunday. I am jealous of your weather. I woke up to 4 inches of snow this morning. argh.

  8. Wow. You are one crazy Easter-shopping gardener!
    On another note? How great does that new fence look in your backyard?

  9. LOL we got home so late from spending Easter Sunday at Lowe's (90 miles away) that we ended up having nothing but champagne and potato chips for dinner. Well, Joe had beer. ; )

    I'm so envious of everything already going in your garden!



[2013 update: You can't comment as an anonymous person anymore. Too many douchebags were leaving bullshit SPAM comments and my inbox was getting flooded, but if you're here to comment in a real way like a real person, go to it.]

Look at you commenting, that's fun.

So, here's the thing with commenting, unless you have an email address associated with your own profile, your comment will still post, but I won't have an email address with which to reply to you personally.

Sucks, right?

Anyway, to remedy this, I usually come back to my posts and post replies in the comment field with you.

But, if you ever want to email me directly to talk about pumpkins or shoes or what it's like to spend a good part of your day Swiffering - shoot me an email to finnyknitsATgmailDOTcom.