Friday, September 05, 2008

Adopt a Crop Finale: Pickle Visitor

Unfold the rickety sofabed and put away the good liquor because someone is getting a Pickle Visitor.

(As you can see, I'm a fantastic hostess. Ahem.)

First, let me thank the random chooser thingee for its unbiased randomness. I prefer it this way so that no one blames me when they don't get a Pickle Visitor. It's not my fault! Blame the random chooser!

And if you still want to be sad about not getting a Pickle Visitor, imagine how fun it'd be to get a Pumpkin Visitor or a Pepper Visitor or a Visitor of some other vegetable variety that you prefer? Because I think I liked the Adopt a Crop bit we had going here and I think I'll try it again next season so that y'all can choose another random (from a list of four of my choosing which is sort of random) vegetable for me to plant, torture, trick into growing and then ship off to you - future potential recipient of a Vegetable Visitor. Tune in around February to get on the excitement and inappropriate joke-making from the start.

See? It's hard to be sad now. Think of the possibilities! Think of all the vegetables that look like penises! We could make a million jokes.


If you're Betsy from Apples and Onions - you don't have to be sad at all. And that is because you are the illustrious winner of a Pickle Visitor!


I know you're excited. At least you should be. Because it's possible that these pickles are decent. Now, I'm not making any promises because I haven't tasted them yet (which I think you'd prefer given the possibility of contamination by finger cooties if I were to root around in your pickles), but I did actually follow a recipe on this one and didn't go fucking around with it like I normally do because of The Fear that I'd do something horrible to my beautiful cucumbers.

SO - odds are, they're edible. But, if they're gross, let me know so that I can give my Ball Blue Book of Preserving a big middle finger and start over next year with another recipe.

Unless we don't grow cucumbers (pickles) together again next year. I mean, you guys could choose ANYTHING for Adopt a Crop 2009 (from a list of four of my choosing which is sort of ANYTHING). Hell, we could be growing loofah squash for all I know (let's not) and I don't even think you can preserve that shit.

So, let's everyone give Betsy a big hand and wish her well for her forthcoming Pickle Visit. Betsy, if you wouldn't mind, please send me your mailing address to finnyknitsATgmailDOTcom and I'll get Fluffy started on his journey.

And then you can prepare yourself thusly because, I'll tell you now, this pickle is a handful.

HA! OK, that was my last phallic pickle wiener penis dick joke for the season.


  1. Damn. I didn't win. I guess I'll have to find my own pickle. I know I left one around here somewhere.

  2. There appears to be a bra in your pickles' suitcase, which leads me to believe that either your pickles are female (and that seems unlikely for a pickle), or they are crossdressers. What a lovely image.

    And also, what is that spiked thing swinging off a rod (HAHA) from the suitcase? It looks like a mace (a medieval weapon, in case you were wondering). What kind of pickles are you making over there, anyway?

  3. YAY!! I can't believe it..haha..I'm really excited now..

  4. Round of applause for Betsy! YAY!!
    Kristin, I'm thinking that it could be a balssiere instead of a brassiere. Hmmm, got you thinking now didn't I?

  5. Love What's the dill yo? Love it. A lot.

  6. YAY, Betsy!

    No more cucumber/dick jokes?!?!?! Say it ain't so!

  7. Hey. We could trade a jar of peach butter for a jar of pickles.

  8. Curse you Betsy! I thought Finny's pickle had my name written all over it!

    I tell ya what though - just between you and me Betsy? I think Finny's pickles have BOTULISM!! (GASP!)

    Oh, and Fin? Years ago a coworker gave me some luffa seeds. I forgot I planted them in my major mess of an overcrowded attempt at doing The Three Sisters technique (corn, runner beans and squash all together, providing support and nitrogen, etc for each other). Well at the end of the season I thought I must've misplaced where I tried growing one of my cucumber plants - I was cleaning through the corn area, all covered in vines, and came across and UUUUUGLY "cucumber".

    Lemme tell ya - luffa do NOT taste good!! BLECH!

  9. Wendy - I hope that when you find it that it's not covered in cat hair. That's what'd happen in my house anyway. Ew.

    Kristin - I think it is obvious that Fluffy the Pickle is a pimp. A pimple, if you will. And, yes, Bubba just enlightened me on the proper name for "that stick with the ball that has points on it" after watching Lord of the Rings recently. And I was so excited to know the proper name, that I included it right in the suitcase.

    Betsy - SEND ME YOUR ADDRESS TO finnyknitsATgmailDOTcom so that I can ship you your prize :)

    Claudia - My mind is boggling.

    Dig - I'm glad someone appreciated that. I was throwing around a lot of ideas there and that's the one that stuck. Too bad I didn't use some of the more "questionable" ones. Funny!

    Nell - Don't worry, I'm sure I'll revert sooner or later. I can't resist.

    Dig - Yes, please. I think I have two more quarts of pickles if you want to swap. Although, we'll see how good Betsy thinks they are. What if they're nasty? Then you're out peach butter for nothing! Sad.

    Jeph - I am not going to botulize anyone and damn you for insinuating such a thing. Now go eat some loofah. Nasty man. ;)

  10. what the dill yo? I can't stop laughing. I'm just that immature!


[2013 update: You can't comment as an anonymous person anymore. Too many douchebags were leaving bullshit SPAM comments and my inbox was getting flooded, but if you're here to comment in a real way like a real person, go to it.]

Look at you commenting, that's fun.

So, here's the thing with commenting, unless you have an email address associated with your own profile, your comment will still post, but I won't have an email address with which to reply to you personally.

Sucks, right?

Anyway, to remedy this, I usually come back to my posts and post replies in the comment field with you.

But, if you ever want to email me directly to talk about pumpkins or shoes or what it's like to spend a good part of your day Swiffering - shoot me an email to finnyknitsATgmailDOTcom.