Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The Big Stupid Idea grows ever bigger and stupider

You should know that after I hit, "Publish", on that last post I did go immediately to the race site and register for the duathlon.

Something about seeing all my irrational behavior in black and white pushed me over the edge. I can shame myself! What a fun and useful skill.

So, YAY, we're all signed up. I'm going to drag my uncoordinated ass out in public on June 6th and attempt to conduct myself in a manner befitting a rookie multisport athlete.

What kind of manner is that? Uh, well, not really sure. But, thanks to Bubba, I will not be sparing those around me on the bike course the horror of my clip-in pedal klutziness because when I came home all aglow with my recent race registration, he immediately went out to the garage and swapped out my biggie platform pedals for clip-in ones.

Though, I should say that he did pay attention to my whining a bit and put his superior pedals on my bike and my less superior clip-in pedals on his bike. "Just for the race."

What can I say? I'm a total whiner. Of course he wasn't going to let me participate in my first bike race in EW LOSER heavy pedals. In fact, he didn't even want me taking my bike in for a tune-up with those things on it.

Always on the lookout for my public image, this man.

Also, I'm sure he also thinks I should be using these things for the purpose they were intended rather than letting them gather dust whilst I tool around on sub-par pedals while wearing flip-flops.

Have I told you Bubba takes issue with my dislike of "proper shoes", because he does.

It stems from a long history of me heading out on hiking trails wearing flip-flops and then sliding down the side of a mountain. Or stepping out of the truck in Tahoe only to then sprint to the house and stand with chattering teeth because OH HELLO I'm wearing flip-flops in the snow. Or mowing the lawn in flip-flops. Digging in the yard in flip-flops. Working on the car in flip-flops. And let's not even tell him how I used to ride on my college boyfriend's motorcycle in flip-flops and *GASP* super short shorts and tank top and *GASP AGAIN* no helmet.

I know. Pretty retarded. Especially the part about the lawn mower.

Anyway, I have excellent bike shoes and now, thanks to my beloved, I will be wearing them while they are clipped into his fabulous (they really are better than mine) pedals on my lovely bike while I try my hand (legs?) at this new event.

Other Big and Stupid Idea updates:
  1. The bike is going into the shop for a tune-up today. 
  2. I have carved out time for another brick workout before the race.
  3. I will be adding Fun Biking Socks to my list of douchie shit I need to buy. I have drawn the line at getting an actual tri or cycling top because that is, in my estimation, too much.
Obviously, I'm the queen of restraint.

What it's going to amount to though, this "restraint" of mine, is that my ensemble is going to make sense everywhere except my torso. Where I'll be wearing a running top from years passed. So, if you're a cyclist and you think I'm going to look like a major ass in this top, tell a girl, will ya?

If not, it means I'm heading out onto the course in a get-up that includes black spandex shorts, some Fun Bike Socks of unknown color/design, white and baby blue bike shoes, a neon green top and a royal blue and white helmet.

If you just retched, I can't say I blame you. I will be gaining ZERO style points in this race.

Oh, and speaking of style points - I actually purchased a photo from each of my last sub-60 10K attempts because the sporting event photographers decided to stop moonlighting as Mafiosos and dropped the price for a single digital picture down to a more reasonable range. Not that I enjoy paying in the teens for a single digital photo, but it sure beats having to buy a disc (an actual disc? Really? Is this 1992? No.) of 4 photos for $50.

Really, now. Let's not say crazy things, people.

And I thought these photos were decent. Style point rational detailed below.

Style points: 4
1 point: I look like I might be having an OK time when, in fact, I was dying a horrible kidney shriveling death.
1 point: I learned that these headbands are not attractive and so will never wear them again. Points allotted for future style saves.
2 points: If anyone gives me any beef about how come I haven't started trail running yet, I can pull out this picture and correct them accordingly. Because for short, meaningless legs of this race we traveled off the paved path.

Style points: 3
1 point: New shorts with the orange trim are awesome. Obvi.
1 point: New hat is a vast improvement over the freaky bouffant-inducing headband.
1 point: They got this shot off *just* before I took a look at my Garmin.
-1 point: They got this shot off on a down-stride which is unflattering and enhances my slow-and-trudging appearance even though this was the race where I actually DID get my sub-60 10K PR so I could stop having to say sub-60 10K PR like I know you all were wishing I would.

Anyway, I'm hoping I've racked up enough style points to date with running because I'm about to erase them all as I head out onto the du course in my mismatchy outfit, Disaster Maker pedals and numbers painted on my arms and legs by an angry volunteer.

This idea just gets better and better.


  1. I can't tell you the scorn heaped on me by my husband whenever I dared to wear sandals on an outing. Even an outing to, like, a museum, where you wouldn't THINK it would be necessary to be decked out in full hiking gear. So I would wear sandals and he would inevitably want to stop on the way to wherever for "just a second" and walk "just a little ways" on a path that would have challenged Davy Crockett.

    Now we have separate vehicles and I don't go anywhere anymore anyway, so the problem is solved.

  2. Well as your emergency contact it should be noted that I basically know nothing for first aid. Sorry. But I will totally wear a "I'm Finny's Bitch" shirt if that makes up for it.

  3. You won't need a tri top until you do a swim event... then it's a necessity. Sopping wet sports bra or running in a support-less swinsuit=not good.

  4. Kris - Well, at least you can wear flip-flops whenever you want! Right? I mean, not when you're dealing with the rams or working in the garden or going down to the cellar or chopping firewood or dragging a squirrel carcass out of the dogs' mouths, but all those other times.

    Sara - You know that it does. And, from my recollection, bitches can fetch Race Fries, so there's that.

    Sarah - I knew I was avoiding a tri for a reason. Thank you for confirming that reason with a NEW reason.

  5. proud of you! you are going to rock that race.


[2013 update: You can't comment as an anonymous person anymore. Too many douchebags were leaving bullshit SPAM comments and my inbox was getting flooded, but if you're here to comment in a real way like a real person, go to it.]

Look at you commenting, that's fun.

So, here's the thing with commenting, unless you have an email address associated with your own profile, your comment will still post, but I won't have an email address with which to reply to you personally.

Sucks, right?

Anyway, to remedy this, I usually come back to my posts and post replies in the comment field with you.

But, if you ever want to email me directly to talk about pumpkins or shoes or what it's like to spend a good part of your day Swiffering - shoot me an email to finnyknitsATgmailDOTcom.