Monday, June 04, 2007

Fish guilt

I'm trying to decide if there's something wrong with me because I chose to stay home on Saturday to run/sew/clean instead of going fishing with Bubba.

Seeing this fact on paper is making me lean toward Yes.

I'm sure you've met those people in your life who, say, couldn't do their homework, read a book or paint their toenails if the house was a mess, the dog hadn't been walked or something in the kitchen was making a bad smell.

Well, I am one of those people.

Which means that when I have baby shower gifts to make, a house invaded by cat-sized hairballs (seriously, not exaggerating. It was alarming.), a half-marathon looming and uncut fabric folded next to a new pattern - it is virtually impossible for me to commit to a single act of leisure until everything has been crossed off the To-Do list.

I am a slave to this list. And it only exists in my own head, so it makes me seem extra crazy when no one else can even SEE the list to know how many things I need to do.

So when these other people ask me to do reasonably fun things like go fly fishing, I turn into this bug-eyed lunatic sputtering things like, "Can't go, must cut out bumblebees. Can't fish, must run six miles."

It's totally unbecoming and I know that. But there is nothing I can do about it. In fact, I've *tried* to do something about it before by just ignoring the nagging (HOLLERING) voice in my head and going ahead with whatever fun thing was presented to me, only to end up sitting at a baseball game renaming the players as things on my list.

And can't I just tell you that there is just nothing useful about "Go to the bank" turning a double play on "Change your oil " and "Make cupcakes for Kristie's birthday" .

I've lived the lesson and I've learned: When the Mental Mind List is full- stay home and do those things. THEN, and only then, go out and drink all the beers while watching the Giants lose. Or, in this case, THEN ask Bubba nicely if he'll go fishing with me soon and forgive me for being a boring lame house marm covered in bits of thread and hairball cast-off.

Thankfully Bubba is a very forgiving and, more importantly, adequately balanced human being who understands my impulses as well as my latent desire to wear my waders. Which means that he will, at once, not malign me for ditching him for the sewing machine AND plan another trip out to the river so that I can dust off my fly rod and pretend I still know how to cast.


Meanwhile, once I got past the paralyzing guilt and awareness that I was turning into a boring houseflea, I did manage to get everything on the Mental Mind List checked THE HELL OFF.

And then I photographed the evidence of my productivity so that I could show Bubba that I didn't spend the day in vein watching skinemax and drinking gin from the bottle.

Baby shower gifts:

My new Barcelona skirt:

With a properly installed invisible zipper (see how it's even at the top? That doesn't usually happen. Like, not ever) :

Lemon meringue pie for our neighbors. They keep giving us produce and eggs from their farmshare so I thought I'd work some of it into a delicious thank you somethingerother:

And to be extra productive (thus assuaging extra guilt), I harvested from the yard and wore out the dog by running her around with me.

In retrospect it would have been more relaxing to have gone fishing. Guilt is a tiring hobby.


  1. I so undersatnd.
    I had to come home early from work today, and the lawn was crying for cutting and the dishes and...
    But don't you love the productive feeling at the end of the day?
    I sleep better knowing I've accomplished something.
    cause as my older daughter will tell you - It's always the maid's day off.

  2. OMG!! Look at you go! That pie is literally to die for. Not to mention everything else... totally incredible. And, I scared my cats by my unexpected laughing out loud at the vision of you swilling gin from the bottle (covered in a brown paper bag I hope?) ... you so silly.

  3. Wow! Maybe I need to make one of those mental lists! You got so much done...I'm truly impressed. I love the color of your sweet peas and everything from your garden looks so wonderful. Hope you get to relax a little now and have some well deserved fun!

  4. Daaang! I make those lists all the time, but really can't remember the last time that I was able to cross of THAT MUCH in one shot. [And see, that sucks the most - not getting the list done - because it's like screwing up your weekend twice.] Truly inspiring. And such beautiful results, too?! Brava.

  5. Aww, don't feel bad Fin. I've had soo many days that I felt tortured because my guys want to do fun stuff, and I MUST get the nagging stuff like, all the laundry in the friggon universe washed, or bake something that has been knawing away at me..., or run to the gym for the "I promised myself a Saturday workout" frenzy Don't feel bad kid.


  6. What a productive weekend. You rock!

  7. I am exactly the same way. have i already mentioned that I have lists of lists..and of course, logically, the MASTER LIST. I don't like my day to miss one of these things, so if it's going to, it's gotta be on my terms, not something someone else suggests. living abroad kind of changed that b/c for the first bit I could NOT say no to things I normally would've said no to, b/c i had to see new people, meet new people etc. but now, jon goes to the movies, jon goes out for beer and i sound like a stick in the mud but i'm happier at home with my lists and my stuff!
    which half marathon are you running?

  8. Holy hell. I'd skip fishing for that kind of fun any day! And when do I get a slice of that pie. YUM.
    Your baby gifts and skirt make me want to drop everything and go sew this very moment. Lovely!

  9. Thank you one and all for being on my side on this one and not making me feel like the loser I convinced myself that I am.

    I promise to go fishing soon and stop acting like the house has a gun to my head.

  10. You had quite a productive weekend. Love how the onesies turned out and the headbands.


[2013 update: You can't comment as an anonymous person anymore. Too many douchebags were leaving bullshit SPAM comments and my inbox was getting flooded, but if you're here to comment in a real way like a real person, go to it.]

Look at you commenting, that's fun.

So, here's the thing with commenting, unless you have an email address associated with your own profile, your comment will still post, but I won't have an email address with which to reply to you personally.

Sucks, right?

Anyway, to remedy this, I usually come back to my posts and post replies in the comment field with you.

But, if you ever want to email me directly to talk about pumpkins or shoes or what it's like to spend a good part of your day Swiffering - shoot me an email to finnyknitsATgmailDOTcom.