Yes, I'm using slang. Sort of.
But it's hard not to when you're describing something as momentous as Successfully Installing a Queen Bee in a Beehive especially after Unsuccessfully Installing a Queen Bee in a Beehive and then telling the story about how you're a total lunatic.
You remember. It was only a few days ago.
Well, now I feel measurably less loony. I mean, I'm still a total noob with the beekeeping stuff, but at least NOW I can say that I'm a beeKEEPER rather than a beeCHASER which is what I felt like for 24 of my weekend's 48 hours.
For the record, I much prefer KEEPING over CHASING any time it involves tiny fast stinging things that fly. Obviously I'm no match for a directionless bee high on sugar syrup. I mean, you've seen my PRs - I'm no Kenyan.
Though, I doubt even the sprightliest of Kenyans could have caught that swift beotch. Though - Mr. Miyagi? Maybe. But isn't he like a million or dead by now? Probably. And, sorry, that was sort of a not nice reference. Whoops. I knew that. I'm insensitive.
So, yeah - I'm no Japanese actor playing a chopstick-handy fly catcher or a supah fast Kenyan runner killing a half marathon in an hour flat.
But at least I am a beeKEEPER, for now. I mean, not to sound pessimistic or anything, but it's obvious that when it comes to bees, crazy shit can happen and I obviously don't know every kind of shit and how to fix it because HELLO no one's telling me.
So, as part of this little trip you're all taking with me as I figure out how to continue being a beeKEEPER, I will tell you everything so that when you maybe decide to bring the rapture down on your family's home, you will at least know how to get it back into the hive before your allergic husband comes home from riding his bicycle halfway around the globe.
And, because I have no shame, video skills or self-respect, I'll try to share the videos I took of this installing endeavor with you, too. Just so you can see what an enormous jackass I am and so that you maybe won't make my same mistakes. And then I'll try to get better with the GoPro so that you don't just get 10 minutes of my (albeit awesomely scrawny) feet shuffling around in the backyard.
Video of the botched and then corrected install coming soon, is what I'm saying.
Oh, and pictures. Because I took pictures of the proper install last night and then forgot to upload them from my Biggie camera with its big ol new lens that I love with all my heart and soul. Oh mama. I will have to write about that soon, too. Boy am I bummed I didn't jump on Dig's camera deal when it was live. Boo on me.
But whatever - my new queen is in da house and I thank you for not judging me for using hackneyed slang.
And, hey, while we're on the subject of hacks, I have to say that I super love that so many of you responded to my, "If you want to read this same shit without my swears and drama, my cleaned up posts are live on Examiner" comment by saying that you basically come here for the swears and drama. Go, you guys. This is why you're my people.
However, maybe you want to share some of this bullhonkery with your, say, grandmama, and she's not as cool with "the way kids talk these days" as my grandma is (Hi, Fluffy! You're the super coolest!")(Yes, I call my grandma, Fluffy. She has the fluffiest hair! It's the cutest. Much like she is. You'll have to meet her some time. Girl can fix her own crashed computer and tell sassy jokes at once. She's a double threat.), but you don't want her to lose out on what the fuck happens when you lose your queen bee.
What to do?
Send her to my Examiner page, y'all. They don't let me say swears there, and they don't really encourage lengthy storytelling of the random variety for which I am so well known, so the posts are concise, clean and to the point. Some particularly valuable characteristics if you're, say, in the throes of dealing with the apocalypse on your property.
OK, enough plugging of my Examiner articles.
I'll be back with photos and maybe video. Won't *that* be a treat.