Friday, July 31, 2009

An anniversary list that probably won't make you barf. + RECIPE

Not that I'm a marriage expert or anything, given I sometimes still refer to Bubba as my boyfriend - whoopsy!, but I thought I'd commemorate this year's #5 anniversary with a list of things I've learned while being married to this man, Bubba.

What happens when someone had too much Whikkey! around the campfire the night before.

Not all of them are marriage things - in fact, we'll see if ANY of them are marriage things - but all of them are things that make me glad I married this man. Even if he does things that make the dialing of 911 a daily possibility.

The existence of the titanium camping spork.

I've learned:
  1. how to dial 911 without looking at the phone's keypad. While applying direct pressure.
  2. the names of a million geezer bands. And how to identify them on the sound system at Mojo Burger.
  3. how to rock climb.
  4. how to make Bs & Gs well enough to pass for "Real Bs & Gs" instead of that canned bullcrap you get at chain breakfast places.
  5. how to open a beer bottle with a lighter.
  6. how to change the brake pads and oil on my car.
  7. the best way to insult a live band taking requests. (Play Freebird!)
  8. how to shuck an ear of corn.
  9. that it's called The Nam, not 'Nam. Although this point is still debatable.
  10. how to smoke a brisket. And a chicken. And make awesome BBQ beans. All at the same time.
  11. that it's 100% acceptable to watch cartoons as an adult. For an entire afternoon. With cocktails.
  12. how to wire an outlet.
  13. the Redneck Road Trip snack: RC cola and a moonpie.
  14. how to play Hay! via cell phone.
  15. how to build a one-match campfire.
  16. the best way to appreciate my sports teams. (Compare them to his sports teams.)
  17. the importance of bacon in all things.
  18. how to ski black diamonds and trees.
  19. that a pry bar sometimes IS the best tool for the job.
  20. how to cook corn on the cob so that it's just right.
And, as I expected, none of these are marriage things. Because, really, what do I know from marriage? I've only been married for five years and we're like big children in our house, what with the moonpies and playing with fire and watching cartoons and all that.

So, I can't give marriage advice, but no one really wants that anyway. No. What people want is a good easy way to make corn on the cob without boiling the fuck out of it.

And now I will tell you how. Courtesy of Bubba, his mom's fool-proof method for cooking fresh corn on the cob and the blessed midwest where corn grows as far as the eye can see. Which, incidentally is far, given the extreme and desperate flatness of the place. Sheesh, Kansas, I get it! You're flat! Enough already.

MiL Corn on the Cob
Recipe by my MiL. Handed down by Bubba. Made by me.
No changes. You don't change MiL recipes. That's dangerous business.

Corn on the cob, shucked - one or more ears per person, you decide
Clean kitchen towel

To make
Soak a kitchen towel in luke warm water and wring it out.

Wrap the shucked ears in the towel and heat in the microwave for 1 1/2 - 2 minutes an ear.

There may be tomatoes ON the towel, but don't be fooled. There's corn inside.

It's not crucial that your microwave light be busted AGAIN for this recipe to work, but it helps.

Remove with hot pads because WHOA they'll be steaming.

I don't think I have to tell you that I initially did not use hot pads and was thusly burned. Duh.

Unwrap with said hot pads and serve as is. If the bitches want butter, salt, pepper or otherwise, let 'em get it themselves. Like I have to because Bubba doesn't believe in these things getting between him and his corn whereas I am a bitch and like all of the above.

Just so you know.

And feel free to have a full-on starchfest, complete with gnocchi.

Happy Anniversary, Bubbs.
I love you tons and you're still the funniest fucker I know.


  1. Not sure how you keep your microwave so clean...but I digress...

    All things bacon. Damn straight.

    And these people know it - their slogan says it all "Everything Should Taste Like Bacon."


  2. Ah. The 49ers. Oh well, there is just no accounting for some folks.

    Have a grand weekend, ANYway.


  3. Important lessons, all.

    Happy anniversary to you both. I hope you celebrate with more corn. Because nothing says love like corn on the cob.

  4. I also find myself in awe over your spotless microwave. Please tell me you spent an hour scrubbing it just before taking that picture, please. My sanity depends on it.

    But microwave envy aside. Congratulations to you and Bubba on making it five years!

    Happy Anniversary~

  5. Happy anniversary to two of my favorite people and, oddly enough, one of my favorite couples. Thanks for all the great friendship over the years, the making up Mah Jong rules, the jam, the laughs, and the general coolness factor. I love you guys.

  6. I'm thinking that could just very well be a BRAND SPANKING NEW microwave, that you just plugged in...You pulled the light bulb out just to make it look like an older microwave that the bulb broke in again.
    Happy Anniversay to you both. Here's wishing many more cobs of corn shared together.

  7. Now that ya'll mention it that IS an oddly clean microwave.

    Happy Anniversary and all that, but let's just get to the point, so...when are you gonna have kids?

    I only ask because that is the question I always get and our anniversary will be #7 and I am 3* years old & I maried an "older man", so the people want to know. Some people just can't keep from prying, ya know what I mean? :)

    Anyhoo, you might want to try your corn with some nice WT casserole (beanies and weenies recipie from many moons ago.) I'm trying it tomorrow with home-made baked beans, we'll see how it turns out.

  8. You crack me up Finny. What a way to tell your man you love him! You two are just newlyweds! Really? It's only 1 1/2 - 2 minutes? That doesn't seem long enough -- but I'll bet it's really good. We're just starting to get the good corn in at the farmstands here -- Yum Yum!

    Oh -- and Happy Anniversary!

  9. Colorado - #1 Method for keeping the micro clean: Never use it. Seriously. I use it for 3 things: melting butter for recipes, making popcorn, nuking corn on the cob. Otherwise, its only purpose is to be my kitchen timer. is awesome.

    C - I was born in SF, so being anything other than a Niner fan would be unthinkable. And, please, if you're a Raider fan, just don't tell me about it. Given the Chiefs fandom in our house, it would just cause a rift.

    Kris - That seems wrong somehow, but yes, I agree. Happiness with corn!

    Amy - See above about the microwave and Thank you!

    Decca - Thanks for being the best minister a godless couple could hope for and for being half of one of our favorite couples, too :) We need to mah jong soon.

    Claudia - See above. And that stupid thing has blown more lightbulbs than I care to mention. Thanks Sears! Now, imagine if we actually used that thing - we'd be buying new bulbs every week.

    Cindy - Regarding the microwave - see above. Regarding kids - never. We get the questions all the time, too, and our answer has never wavered. The questions keep gaining aggression though. Fun times. We love WT recipes - and Bubba loves Vienna sausages, so we might have to try that out ;)

    Anna - Thanks Anna!

    Yeah, we still feel like newlyweds. Which I think is a good sign :)

    For the record, I prefer a shorter cooking time - closer to 1 minute, but I do what's the MiL tells me.


  10. Finny, you're the best ever. As an attempt to respond in kind, here's the list of what I've learned from missuz Finny Bubba in five years of marriage:

    1. Aesthetics are best left to Finny. Holes in walls to Bubba.

    2. Any hack can climb. It takes a real athlete and personality to blow the ass out of one's pants, wave to the crowd of onlookers and then finish the climb.

    3. Any woman who squeals with delight when gifted backpacking gear for an anniversary is a keeper.

    4. Vegetables: Who knew they were all so good?

    5. Running 12 miles in one shot takes real dedication, drive and discipline. And Race Fries.

    6. The joys of "Hay," "Cows on Your Side" and "Get Some Gas, Idiot" on the road.

    7. The beach is actually more than a bird bathroom.

    8. How to truly force it.

    9. That a good-looking sweater is a real pain in the ass to make, but a real pleasure to wear.

    10. "Extreme Kayaking" is not for the faint-of-heart.

    11. Great new dirty trick: 10 pounds ground turkey; place in empty trash container; simmer for 1 week in 100-plus degree heat.
    Welcome to the neighborhood.

    12. Ask for directions. Just ask. Go on. Do it.

    13. A determined woman with a sewing machine and 13 cents can make some pretty cool stuff.

    14. A frustrated woman with a sewing machine can make up four-letter words that would make the devil blush.

    15. Chicks rip on snowboards. And at polypro underwear modeling. And at "pizza table."

    16. It's OK to say no. It's even better to put telemarketers on hold.

    17. A couple does not need kids to be complete (see how I sneaked that one in here?).

    18. Finny is the most patient person on earth.

    19. I am one lucky monkey.

    20. Evidently, I like geezer bands.

    All my love kitten -- here's to five fantastic years!

  11. Awwwww, I'm all verklempt... your list was super cute, and your man's was even cuter.

  12. Happy anniversary to you and Bubba! I love your list and totally identify with the moonpies. Thanks for sharing the corn recipe, never thought of trying it in the microwave before.

  13. Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. Cleans a microwave like nobodys business. Easy peasy.

    Contrats on 5 years!!!

  14. Made y'all wanna barf, didn't I?

  15. awe. love all of it and was *hoping* bubba would respond right here. Love the lists and your humor. I am glad you two are married. xo!

  16. Happy anniversary Finny and Bubba. (I know I already wished you one on FB, but I wanted to make it official here, too.)

  17. Happy anniversary to Finny and Bubba. My wishes will always with you and i would like to say the yur blog environment is so good and mind nourishing. Learn what marriage advice perk up couple and family relationships. This will help you in resolving conflicts by increasing trust, love and intimacy.


[2013 update: You can't comment as an anonymous person anymore. Too many douchebags were leaving bullshit SPAM comments and my inbox was getting flooded, but if you're here to comment in a real way like a real person, go to it.]

Look at you commenting, that's fun.

So, here's the thing with commenting, unless you have an email address associated with your own profile, your comment will still post, but I won't have an email address with which to reply to you personally.

Sucks, right?

Anyway, to remedy this, I usually come back to my posts and post replies in the comment field with you.

But, if you ever want to email me directly to talk about pumpkins or shoes or what it's like to spend a good part of your day Swiffering - shoot me an email to finnyknitsATgmailDOTcom.