Friday, July 11, 2008

Adopt a Crop update: Early birdly

Cucumbers whatever right now because WOO - we're early on tomatoes this year!

I am #1, y'all. BOW TO ME.

If my calculations are correct, and they're probably not because I suck at math but whatever, we're about two weeks ahead of last year's #1 tomato.

Which, if you're anyone other than me, may not be a big deal, but since I'm me and that's who I cater to almost 100% of the time (selfish and lazy - now there's a fun combo), it's BIG NEWS.

Plus, this is also big news to Bubba and he's the other one I cater to when I'm on break from being ALL ME ALL THE TIME, so we're good. And then I made the first BLT of the summer which was fantastic and lusty and perfect all at once. But I'll talk about that later on when I unveil the unexplained bacon phenomenon. SOON - but for now, crops...

Remember my pumpkin? Yeah - me neither because I didn't plant any. Yet still - there's one! Free surprise pumpkins I didn't have to coax into being! That's good for me given my history with these "easy to grow" plants.

I don't blame myself though (obviously) because it's the squash beetles' fault for sucking the life out of these plants. I didn't realize until this year how bad they were so I wasn't hand picking them until my whole life reeked of their squashed innards, but now I know and so all the beetles die.

Sometime I'll show you my can of dead beetles. It's something of a trophy. And it's real gross.

I may appear furry, but that's because someone didn't know how to use the
macro lens at such an early hour. WHATEVER. I am a pumpkin.

These are cucumbers on Wee Man, which is great since he's produced 100% of squat since this whole "from seed" experiment started. Now that I've yanked the borage (don't worry! I'll reseed!) that was moving into his family room, I have confidence that he'll grow into his new space and give me lots of future pickles.

Bell Pecker now has a pecker even if it's only to spite me for the not nice things I said about how slow he's been to produce a pecker for me. I just said pecker three times and you're still reading. Funny!

Anyway, I'm excited because I think there's a few more small peckers in there somewhere under all the marigolds that grew from seed (!) around him like two stinky shrubs. Surprising. I kind of like them now that I've grown them from seed. I mean, I sort of like them, they're still ugly like sin.

Are you looking at my pecker?

What is this? An empty spot in the beds? Hardly. I ripped out the bolted ass-lettuce and re-sowed another set of beets so that I could continue the torture of hoping for a big pile of beets. Not that my 1.5 beets from set #1 weren't great, but, let's be honest, I need more. A LOT MORE.

Feel free to stare at this dirt spot and pray for beets. I'm OK with that.

Hey there's a bean! And there! And and and...oh, that's it.

We had three beans this week, which was fine since I can't expect too much from the four or five seeds that germinated and actually made it from seedling to fence without being gnawed to death by whatever naughty untamed soil monster had a damn feast at the foot of my pea fence.

But next year I'll know and I'll plant more beans. And I'll sit out there with a shotgun and pick off any creature that gets close to my precious little beans. Or maybe I'll let Jada stay out after dark and hunt them down for me.

Sheesh. I had no idea I liked beans so much.

I'm lovable.

I could give a chard update here, but you've heard it all before and I get the impression that the story won't change much between now and the end of its really long growing season that I think ends in, like, November or something crazy.

In sum: forest. If you need ideas for what do to with your chard, here's some of my recent uses:

Swiss Chard Gratin/Dip
Susan's Swiss Chard Tuna Salad
Pork Loin Stuffed w/ Swiss Chard
Gorgonzola Gnocchi w/ Swiss Chard
Spaghetti w/ Chard and Sausage

And then I ate the tomato. And this basil. And I put the beans on the side and called it Tomato Dinner #1.

I look delicious. I know. You can say it.

Why, is that a hot mess of random home grown vegetables? Yep, sure is. Let's total the damage: #1 tomato, a lot of chard, a few green beans and some Thai basil for good measure.

Sometimes random is delicious.


  1. Is it sad that I'm jealous of your tomato? Maybe, but I bet you understand.

  2. Oh yeah? Well at my house it's all about me! And I just grew a wart. Or maybe it's a mole. (By which I mean skin growth, not subterranean furry thing.) Yup, it's a wart. I didn't even need no stinkin' seeds to grow it. Nope, just sprung fully-grown like a bumpy Venus on my forearm. So there, you show off!

  3. Just this morning, I was on the phone with my brother, complaining about whatever it is that is eating all my corn plants and I told him I was about to sit out all night with a shotgun.

    Should I be worried at the similarities between the two of us? Or should you?

  4. I might have mentioned how much I hate the bastard squash bugs as well, but let me say it again in case I did not say it, I HATE THE SQUASH BUG. I hate the slightley sweet stench they put out when you smoosh them. I hate their ugly brown bodies. I hate their tiny orange eggs on the underside of leaves.

    It might be I am still slightly pissed at the massive squash massicre of 2006. Yea, it happened in my back yard and yea, I still get misty eyed when I think of all the squash I lost... Fucken bugs.

  5. Your presentation on that plate looks delicious! ~D

  6. Oh man! You are killing me with all the glorious gardening shots. I just love this. And that you are able to plan your meals out of the garden share and the actual garden. GEEZ! So great.

    Off to pray for beets,


[2013 update: You can't comment as an anonymous person anymore. Too many douchebags were leaving bullshit SPAM comments and my inbox was getting flooded, but if you're here to comment in a real way like a real person, go to it.]

Look at you commenting, that's fun.

So, here's the thing with commenting, unless you have an email address associated with your own profile, your comment will still post, but I won't have an email address with which to reply to you personally.

Sucks, right?

Anyway, to remedy this, I usually come back to my posts and post replies in the comment field with you.

But, if you ever want to email me directly to talk about pumpkins or shoes or what it's like to spend a good part of your day Swiffering - shoot me an email to finnyknitsATgmailDOTcom.