Thursday, May 10, 2007


Allow me to dust off an old nugget here and say that the IRS is fucked.

Oh, I know, the story has been told. But not by me. So here I am to share with you why I now know this to be true.

Bubba and I, in all our paranoid anxiety-ridden wisdom, dragged our butts to the accountant way back in February to get our scary-ass taxes done. In an effort to rip the band-aid right off and face the numbers together without the added fright of doing so on the eve of April 15th.

So, we handed over our lives in paper form, waited *sweating* for our numbers to come back, cried quietly when they did, but then were actually able to rejoice a little bit because we were getting a refund.

A wha?

Oh yeah people, by some force of magic (aka the Alternative Fuel Tax credit) we were actually going to be getting A REFUND.

I know, I had to look the word up myself. It has been a very long time since I've done anything other than weep into my sleeve and write checks so big that I had to squoosh all the words in at the end of the line.

But there it was. In scary IRS black and white: "Refund Amount" instead of "Amount Owed".

Huh. That *does* happen to people.

Yeah, much like winning the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes *happens* to people when they answer the door in their skivvies with a nude whore wandering listlessly in the darkened foyer.

It *seems* like a good thing, but inevitably something goes awry and you end up having to make some excruciating phone calls and/or post bail.

Much as things have transpired here. Minus the bail part.

The short version is that we haven't gotten our refund yet and I'm ticked.

The long version is that we haven't gotten our refund yet and I'm ticked because it was allegedly mailed on March 30th and, for some reason, never arrived intact in our mailbox. The reason this is the long version is because of the phone call I had to place with the IRS to find out where in THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD our friggen check was. I was inevitably placed on perma-hold just to be told (after 25 Muzak-soaked minutes) that they couldn't track it down for me and I'd have to fill out a form and wait SIX WEEKS for someone to get back to me.


Six weeks to find out whether the check was forged and cashed by some thief (who I hope has already been hit by a bus) meaning that I will then have to file a whole bunch more paperwork, swear that my signature is my signature and that I am who I am and Bubba is who Bubba is and all that jazz before they'll send me another one. It is likely that this, too, will take six weeks or more.

Best case scenario, the check was actually *lost* and remains uncashed to this day and they'll just cut another one.

The likelihood of this happening is akin to the money just falling from the sky, right now, into my lap.


Yep, nothing.

So, stay tuned for the SIX WEEK update, when I will likely be singing the praises of the bank teller who cashed our check even though it was signed in red crayon by Mickey Mouse himself.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. I feel your pain. I owed this year and that sucked enough when I was wanting that refund. I can tell you that I've been on the other end of the line too - explaining to someone where their cheque might be. (Canada Revenu Agency) Your timelines are bang on. I could send you my bill just so you at least have notice in hand?
    Keep thinking of the happy event when it finally arrives

  3. 6 more weeks is a long time to wait for your own money to be refunded to you.

    You should have done the direct deposit. No checks!

  4. Over here in Holland it gets put in your bank account by direct transfer, but ... scarily ... if you owe money to them they can also just take it out! Eeek!

  5. Not to laugh at your pain but you have such a way of putting things that strike me as funny. Yippy that you are getting a refund, booo that they have apparently botched it so badly. Promise that you will post the canceled check copy of it really does come back signed in red crayon by Mickey Mouse!!!! That would so make m day!!!!

  6. Argh. Icky-poo. But I'm with Lera: e-file. I did that when I was in the States and it went right into my account. But maybe you couldn't b/c you had to go through an accountant. Oh well, at least you're still getting a refund and don't have to pay, right? Have a G&T while you're waiting, it'll make everything all better.

  7. They are stinkers. They should pay you interest on the money they are essentially using as a loan!
    I haven't received my refund yet either. Maybe today?

  8. Yeah, it's all about the e-file. Then they deposit your check directly into your account in a very short time. They do that for me every year. No need to wait for the paper.


[2013 update: You can't comment as an anonymous person anymore. Too many douchebags were leaving bullshit SPAM comments and my inbox was getting flooded, but if you're here to comment in a real way like a real person, go to it.]

Look at you commenting, that's fun.

So, here's the thing with commenting, unless you have an email address associated with your own profile, your comment will still post, but I won't have an email address with which to reply to you personally.

Sucks, right?

Anyway, to remedy this, I usually come back to my posts and post replies in the comment field with you.

But, if you ever want to email me directly to talk about pumpkins or shoes or what it's like to spend a good part of your day Swiffering - shoot me an email to finnyknitsATgmailDOTcom.