Monday, December 05, 2005

A new holiday tradition

I've been containing myself since 11/24 and it can go on no longer. I MUST comment on the outrageous displays of holiday decorating buffoonery going on around me.

There are many different things that have caught my eye, from random strings of lights haphazardly thrown into a tree and left to vanquish in obscurity for the next month to an inflatable garage-sized Santa Claus and compressor running nonstop to blow the fake snow around a GIANT snowglobe.

I wonder to myself, "What's worse? Gargantuan decorations or poorly executed ones?" All the while thinking that these people are going to need some counseling when they see their electric bills this month.

Do you wonder these things? Do you laugh and point? Do you quietly ridicule and berate your insane neighbors and their animated lawn deer? If so, my new holiday tradition is just for you!

I invite you to walk with me (virtually) through the neighborhood and join in the finger pointing nature of this new holiday tradition. Let us begin the first annual game of,

"Which House is the Ugliest?"

I'd also like to welcome you into this new tradition by extending a friendly challenge -- find the ugliest Christmas decorations, take a photo and send it to me. I'll post the photos and we can all decide which house truly is "The Ugliest".

My first entrants into the "Which house is the Ugliest?" contest are below. For their benefit, I will try to make some helpful comments along the way.

(Forgive my photography, these were taken from a moving car with hubby pleading with me to roll up the window)

See, what we have here is a failure to make a decision. We've got reindeer towing a sled. We've got icicles dangling from eaves. We've got garlands woven with white lights. We've got posts wrapped with colored lights. It's just a mess of "Mommy can we get these?! Yes, fine put it in the cart." Followed by, "Hunnie can you just hang these up outside?" All of this could have been prevented with one word, "No."

Ah yes, the "We live in a magical pine tree forest" look. I especially like the disproportionally large red star tree toppers and plastic snowman window decal. Is that a trash bag reconstituted as a holiday curtain? Why yes it is. With any luck, they'll tear down the snowman bag and use it to haul all everything to the dump after Christmas. Although, we all know this will be up well into February. Anyone crazy enough to be fooled by these pine trees won't realize when the holidays have come and gone.

Here's a beaute. I think I actually slowed the car and craned my neck when I first saw it. Is it a barber shop or a house? Is it Vegas or Tahoe? And that weren't enough, they even managed to find HUGE ornaments that light up. If we're still looking for ways to punish Martha for her evil-doings, we could sit her down in front of this house and take away all her motor reflexes. *Shriek*

I can imagine the vision that went along with this crapshow. Too lazy to actually string lights, these folks just wandered down the "Random Decorations that Light Up" aisle at Wal-Mart throwing things willy-nilly into their cart. Obviously, there's no true inspiration here. A reindeer here, a giant present there. I mean, I can practically see the guy walking out to the yard in his bathrobe, stabbing these things in the ground and flipping the switch.

I hope you liked the first installment of "Which House is the Ugliest?" I'm sure this will be a month long game and I hope to include your contributions as well.

If this offended you, well I'm sorry, but I'm sure we'll be featuring your house soon enough.

Happy Holidays!


  1. hahahahahaha! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahaha! Oh how I know what you are feeling!

  2. Oh Fin. And here I thought we'd converted you to the tacky gentile ways.
    I am happy to tell you I didn't string lights, but have in the past. I go with the simple white lights on the patio and a tiny tree. I am all for the old school giant bulbs in varying colors, hung from the eves of course.
    I can just imagine how this car ride/photography exhibit went. ;)

  3. LMAO...I wish I had some pics for you but we are the lone gentiles on the Jewish side of town. No hideous displays here. Actually, no displays at all. Not even a house with blue lights!

  4. I'm so glad to see that I am not alone in my amusement. I plan to run off this weekend and take some more photos, so will hopefully be able to post them soon! LL-perhaps it is the Jew in me that is rebelling against the decorations? Sounds like your neighborhood is my kinda place ;)

  5. OMG, ROTFL!!! (How's that for a PWBATTCCA flashback, eh?!)

    As always, a trip down your merry archive lane always produces honking and wholly uncouth laughter over here in Rome.


[2013 update: You can't comment as an anonymous person anymore. Too many douchebags were leaving bullshit SPAM comments and my inbox was getting flooded, but if you're here to comment in a real way like a real person, go to it.]

Look at you commenting, that's fun.

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