Thursday, August 01, 2013

An anniversary story about barfing.

I should be packing my overnight bag right now.
And then packing the dog's overnight bag.
And then walking her and feeding her and feeding Rocket who keeps trying to rip my face off.
I should be making jalapeno jelly from all of the peppers busting off of my plants.
I should be doing a bunch of workish things.
I should be cleaning up the kitchen from a day entirely spent (save for 1/2 hour when I ate lunch with Bubba and 45 minutes when the "dental hygienist" pretended to clean my teeth) making and canning salsa verde, peach jam and dill relish.

I should be doing all of those things but instead I'm here on this blog because yesterday was Bubba and my #9 anniversary and it feels wrong to not post an ode to Bubba on this blog for all of you and also him to see.

Even if it's a day late.

Though, technically, I think our anniversary extends through Monday now because that's when we're picking up Jada from dog daycare after our Surprise Carmel Beach Anniversary Surprise Weekend Away Holy Shit I So Need This Right Now Trip SURPRISE.

Bubba surprised me with a weekend in Carmel for our #9 anniversary and I'M FUCKING STOKED.

Seriously. I don't think I've been this excited about a weekend away - or a trip for that matter - ever.

Like, not even when we were going to Maui or Kauai or Oktoberfest in Munich.

OK - maaaaaaaaaaaybe when we were going to Amsterdam, but obvs.

Anyway, the point is that after surprising me with this badass weekend getaway that I so sorely need for the sake of my ever dwindling sanity, I felt an anniversary post coming on.

So here goes...

Bubba and I have been married for 9 years. Together for 13. Known to one another for 17. And I swear it deep down to my beefiest swearing parts (and you know my swearing parts are BEEFY AS FUCK) - this is *the* funniest dude that I know.

And want to know how we measure funny in our house?

With barf.

Yeah. You think something's funny? WELL DID YOU LAUGH SO HARD THAT YOU BARFED?


Not funny enough.

Because once upon a time in the early on days of Bubba and I, when I was just getting to understand the depth of this man's sense of divine humor, we were on our way home from Idon'tknowwhere and turning the last corner in our little shitbag neighborhood before arriving at our shitbox duplex in which we'd lived for some extended period of time that felt like forever and Bubba turned the right corner rather sharply and managed to ramp the curb on my side of the car.

And then he looked across the car in the direction of the ramped curb as though it had sprung out of nowhere unannounced to pounce in his path that dastardly devil!

Like he'd had some sort of pact with the curb and it had betrayed him.

Like some evil Caltrans crew had come out to our shitty street during the howeverlong we were gone and reworked the street to move the curb in about 6 feet to get in his way.

Like gremlins had torn up the sidewalk and thrown it at the truck as we were passing innocently by.

Like there was just no way in the world that he'd actually, without any mystical magical mysterious intervention and inexplicable circumstances befalling, cut the corner too sharply and bashed the curb like a loon.

I still wish that I had a photo of the look on his face because it was so sincerely shocked/taken aback/horrified/betrayed/stunned that I laughed and laughed and laughed and nearly peed and laughed some more and then we got to the house and I was still laughing and I was laughing all the way to the back of the house to where our "kitchen" was and BLARF! I totally spewed in the sink.

The dude made me laugh until I barfed and LO that it is his proudest moment.

Because as I may have said before, he lives to entertain me. Which I enjoy. I require regular entertainment and this dude is really REALLY good at it.

And since this was his proudest moment, it was in our wedding vows.

Me to Bubba: "I love you because you can make me laugh until I throw up."

If that's not love that I don't know what is.  And nine years later it's still love, though thankfully less barfing.


  1. One of his other proudest moments has to be when we were both trying to get fired so right in front of our senior manager I slapped his ass and said "great job" and he slapped mine right back. Hey, baseball players do it, why shouldn't people in high tech? Sadly, it didn't work and I had to quit.

    1. Well, if it's the boss I'm remembering, no amount of ass slapping was going to make a difference. There would have had to have been a firearm or something requiring immediate attention involved.

      Even deploying the company's own product to sabotage the entire system didn't work for Bubba. And lord knows he was trying.

  2. Happy anniversary. I hope your trip to Carmel (JEALOUS) is filled with laughter and vomit.

    Or maybe just laughter.

    1. I, too, hope just laughter. I need to keep some food down ;)

  3. LOL!! However, although, as much as you suposebly say that Andy IS in fact a hilarious dude, I do believe that his comedic index directly correlates with your blarf index. Henceforth my point is such as that you might just be the crazy one. Just sayin...


  4. LMAO! So is BLARF "a laughing barf" like a VURP is a "vomit burp"? Love it! I, unfortunately, have apparently never known as much happiness as you have since I've never laughed til I puked. I think I've come close... I'll have to talk to Brett about this - let him know that he's just not making me THAT happy. I'm sure that'll go over well. ;-)

    Great, all this barf talk has me feeling queasy. Thanks loads.

    Have a fun and safe trip!

    1. Let's say that it is, Jephers :) Though I'll say that I don't strive for it. I do try to keep my meals down despite Bubba's hilarity.

      You tell Brett to step up his game, already ;)

  5. Oh I love and miss you guys.....congratulations! You wedding remains in my top 2. :)

  6. Very good post. Glad things are mostly going well for you.
    My husband, too, is entertaining. Makes up for lots of faults in a marriage.
    I have a batch of your tomato sauce going right now in the kitchen. Smells divine!

  7. You're a funny girl Finny, so that humor must be contagious. Happy Belated Anniversary -- I hope your trip to Carmel was fantastic!

  8. Finny I love you, so glad you're having fun. Have been following you for a year but have been too impatient and spastic to post and respond.
    You have inspired me to be diligent and blog, we have a "feed the community" spin farm and I'm going to document the process and progress - or lack thereof. Whatever.
    Have SO MUCH FUN, hope that you barf alot <3


[2013 update: You can't comment as an anonymous person anymore. Too many douchebags were leaving bullshit SPAM comments and my inbox was getting flooded, but if you're here to comment in a real way like a real person, go to it.]

Look at you commenting, that's fun.

So, here's the thing with commenting, unless you have an email address associated with your own profile, your comment will still post, but I won't have an email address with which to reply to you personally.

Sucks, right?

Anyway, to remedy this, I usually come back to my posts and post replies in the comment field with you.

But, if you ever want to email me directly to talk about pumpkins or shoes or what it's like to spend a good part of your day Swiffering - shoot me an email to finnyknitsATgmailDOTcom.