Thursday, December 09, 2010

Why do I hate myself?

I'm a little disappointed in you people, honestly, don't you realize that my first ever trail race is less than two days away?

I need pep talking!

I need sympathy!

I need the ability to run uphill in the mud for more than three consecutive steps.

OK, so you probably can't help with the last one and, given my recent rantings, you're probably not giving up too much on the first two, so I guess I'll just be going at it on my own this Saturday morning when I go back out to the trail that tried to kill me, but only after it's been raining ALL. WEEK. LONG.

Folks, it's going to be muddy. And the course is mostly single track. And most of that single track has a sheer woodsy drop off on one side just perfect for "disappearing" newbie trail runners like yours truly right here.

Yeah - that's right. I might not return from this shitshow and you know what? You're just going to have to figure out a way to live with yourself.

In other news, I think the race will be totally fine.

Yeah. I was just being dramatic.

I mean, sure, it's going to be muddy, and Bubba won't be there to cheer me on because he'll be trying out his new telemark skis in Tahoe like a fucking traitor so when I slide off into the never-never there won't be anyone at the finish line going, "Have you seen some crazy ass bitch in a Steamboat beanie running real slow on the course back there?", but I'm actually not too stressed about the race.

No, I'm more stressed about the parking situation and the 5K Turnaround because, as it turns out, it's a lot harder to plot a trail race than a road race given there's not always a good spot to set down a cone for a turnaround when the trail is a foot wide at mile 1.5. And, since this is happening in a back mountain trail rather than, like, downtown San Jose next to the Shark Tank which has parking for tens of thousands of people willing to wear turquoise, I may have to take a shuttle in addition to driving to this place.

The inefficiency is starting to get to me is what I'm saying.

You know, because driving for 30 minutes and then waiting for 10 minutes and then shuttling for 10 minutes and then walking for 5 minutes all so I can run three miles seems a little dumb and harkens back to my distance rule: If it takes longer to drive to the thing than it does to run it, you may consider abandoning the idea altogether.

Though, I'm sure I'll still go. It's the first trail race after all. It wouldn't look good if I pussed out at the last minute and blamed it on the commute. Lame.

So, Saturday morning, I will go commute round trip for well over an hour so that I can run for half an hour and cover myself in muddy woodsiness.


I do hope you'll wish me luck or at least not hope for a report of a foul-mouthed race participant at the Summit Rock 5k/10k/Half last seen sliding face first off the course being chased by a mountain lion.



  1. Look at it this way: Being chased by a mountain lion has to result in a time improvement of AT LEAST a minute. Assuming you don't get eaten.

    Don't get eaten, okay? And have fun!

  2. Tuck a small critter into your pocket so that IF you are persued by a Mountain Lion you can throw out a peace offering/distraction. Or you could just run from it kicking up your heels to fill his eyes with mud.

    Best of Luck to you!!!

  3. *Try not to die*. Because who would I dedicate my outdoor Xmas lights to next year? Huh? And I have big plans for those!

  4. totally rock the mud! i'm jealous! i know i haven't commented before, but just know that i'm reading you and loving all your running running commentary. it's like i'm running without having to exercise, get sweaty, or almost die. and remember, you don't have to be the fastest runner to outrun a mountain lion. just not the slowest.
    oh, and my word verification was "sessedu" which makes me think of phil collins. is that inspiring to you? no, me either.

  5. As long as you keep moving forward to you will make it the end...logical I know :) Good luck!

  6. tip for the hills: zig zag and short step your way up.

    and f' anyone behind you -- they are BEHIND you for a reason.

  7. You'll be awesome! That's my prediction. Also I'm picturing you running through the woods to the song that's been in my head ever since my stepdaughters played it at their Christmas concert last night... O Fortuna. It's a bit dramatic, but it'd be perfect if that mountain lion shows up.

    Geez, I really hope you make it home from this race or all these comments will be in really poor taste. Well, for that and a few other reasons too.

    Good luck!

  8. If you fall off the trail and die in a dramatically muddy way can I have your big mixer?


[2013 update: You can't comment as an anonymous person anymore. Too many douchebags were leaving bullshit SPAM comments and my inbox was getting flooded, but if you're here to comment in a real way like a real person, go to it.]

Look at you commenting, that's fun.

So, here's the thing with commenting, unless you have an email address associated with your own profile, your comment will still post, but I won't have an email address with which to reply to you personally.

Sucks, right?

Anyway, to remedy this, I usually come back to my posts and post replies in the comment field with you.

But, if you ever want to email me directly to talk about pumpkins or shoes or what it's like to spend a good part of your day Swiffering - shoot me an email to finnyknitsATgmailDOTcom.