41:55

Hell yeah, that's a slow ass time for a 5K!

Like a cool 13+ minutes slower than my 5K PR  on the road (which is also not the fastest but let's only kick me once while I'm down) and a horrifyingly slow pace also in the 13s BUT, I finished 7th in my age group.

7th, people. That's a single digit place, you know. That's better than I've placed in any race. Ever.

Why yes, that WAS slow.

So there were only 20 other chicks in my age group? SO FUCKING WHAT, I ask you. It's Above Average. Which I like. Because until this race I've always been solidly Average.

And in the overall rankings, I was still Above Average, even when there were dudes and younger people factored in. 43 out of 149. Again - yay for Above Average.

Above Average Big Finish, too. Just for Bubba.

Also Above Average? The entire race. It was grand. Not as grand as running this mostly single-track, steep, muddy, woodsy trail all by myself in 30 degree weather grand, but grand nonetheless.

When things are good, Peace Signs are made. When things are bad, this face is made.

Of course, all the inefficiencies I was concerned about beforehand were totally realized in full color and light of day, but to that I just say, "Duh."

I mean, obviously when you get race emails where the coordinators are all, "Hey, as long as everyone carpools there will be enough parking," everyone is going to totally not carpool because they'll all be thinking that everyone else will carpool so they might as well just drive themselves and WHOOPSY all the lots are full and then you have to take the shuttle that has the heater blasting while you sit behind some woman who smells distinctly of Five Guys Burgers, but whatever. I cared not. And I made two friends!

OK, so the nice woman who chatted me up on our face-meltingly hot shuttle ride into the park remains nameless, but she was so super friendly and was an ass kicker who was running the half marathon (Yikes. Not with THAT elevation chart.) and so I consider that a friend made. And when I decided that I'd rather walk the half mile through the woodsy roads back to my car after the race rather than stew in my shweaty gear on the Hell Shuttle, I made friends with a man named George who'd had no idea that this was a steep trail and was horrified by the experience.

I was just impressed that there was a person out there who was so bold as to NOT look at an elevation chart for a trail run before the race because, as you all know, I'm the chickeniest of all the running chickens and therefore not only analyze the elevation and course maps beforehand MANY MANY times, but also like to go out and test run them so that I'm not all, "What the beef is up with this steep ass hill that makes up half of my race?"

So, props to you, Mr. "I Didn't Look At The Elevation Chart" George, for not passing away when you saw those switchbacks appear at Mile .2 into your 5K. Me? I probably would have shit myself and gone home.

However, I did not do any self-shitting because TEE DAH you know I checked out that course personally beforehand so that no big secret hills would crop up and surprise me. I don't like surprises that come in hill form.

This is where everyone ELSE saw the hill and freaked out. I was just excited there was mud to splash in.

And I'll tell you what - pretty fucking glad I ran that course a few weeks ago because the whole time I was hauling my sorry ass up through switchbacks and muddy stairs to the halfway point/turnaround, I did not despair because I knew I was going to get to turnaround and run like the god damned wind back to the finish line.

And I did.

It wasn't quite as fun as running it alone, since swinging one's arms wildly while descending at great speeds is sort of dangerous when the trail is a foot wide and you are trying to pass people going down while dodging people coming up, but when you get to an open space where you are without obstacles and free to bolt, it's pretty fucking awesome.

I don't have any photos of my downhill runningness to prove this awesomeness, so you'll just have to take my word for it. Perhaps too fast for the cameras to capture? Perhaps.

So, yeah - good race. I will do more of these trail races. I will also do more trail running because, unlike every other time in my running life when I've avoided hills because of the steep uphill pain involved, I now find that OH RIGHT there's the downhill side that totally rules.

Also, you sometimes get to splash in the mud, which is really fun if you're a four year old on the inside.

Jada is also a four year old on the inside.