Tuesday, April 07, 2009

I'm doing my best to minimize losses.

When I decided to knit a sweater for Bubba, it seems like my brain/self clicked into self-protect mode based on previous instances of horse shit knitting that resulted in catastrophic failure and the wasting of many dollars on yarn I couldn't make into a sweater.


One half of my brain says, "Yay! Knit a sweater!" and the other half goes, "Shit. Commence loss-minimizing sequence."

And while that may sound absurd, it's the only way I can explain the fact that, while the sweater is coming along dare I say swimmingly, every time I turn around I find that I'm missing an important piece of the puzzle which then keeps me from progressing on the sweater.

The recurring nature of this scenario is getting really fucking annoying.

Like, I ordered the book and the yarn only to realize that I didn't have the needles to start the torso. 

So I ordered the needles.

Then the book got back-ordered. 

Then the book showed up but I had no yarn.

Then the yarn showed up with the needles and I could get started BUT Bubba's "perfect fit sweater" from which I needed to gather measurements was wintering at the cleaners.

Then the sweater came home from the cleaners and I cracked the book only to realize that I had to do math and my brain began to melt.

Then I actually had all the stars aligned to start the sweater and (bringing us to present day) I finish the torso part which has taken a while only to find that I don't have the right size needles to do the sleeves because I need shorter circulars for that little slice of heaven, so I've had to stop production on this project and await the arrival of #7 16" circulars. 


The most aggravating part of all of this, which is at the same time very AWESOME, is that the sweater is precisely the same width as Bubba's "perfect fit sweater" so I don't have to frog anything or try to quietly kill myself with my Addi #7 24" circs. 

A fact that you think would be enough to keep me from suicidal thoughts, but it's not because I'm a little bit insane and impatient - a combination I don't recommend. 

But let's pretend I'm past all that drama for a second and just rejoice in the miracle that is creating something from a pattern that then MAGICALLY looks just like the pattern says it will. 


Also, please note that this magic was also a result of some math that I did with my own pea brain, which is a miracle in and of itself, and should be recognized in its own special way because we know what a tard I am with math

I realize it shouldn't be exciting to be able to multiply 22x5, but that's about all I had to do math-wise to get the stitch count to start this fucker, and frankly just getting to the "22" part was hard enough. 

So much measuring and quadruple-guessing went on, I nearly drove Bubba away altogether, which would have made knitting him a sweater something of a moot subject.


I've come to terms with the fact that my brain is quietly inserting roadblocks between me and the different stages of this project so that, at any time, I will have an escape route in the event that the sweater takes an unsuccessful turn. Perhaps I should be grateful for these opportunities, but I'm really just annoyed that FOR ONCE things are turning out as planned and my progress is being stalled by my brain's surreptitious self-defense mechanisms.

But, with any luck, my new Addis will be in the mail soon and I'll get to work on those sleeves and be able to present you all (and Bubba, of course) with a finished sweater product that doesn't look like a big pile of Normal Navy doo.

Let's all just hold our breath for that one.


  1. I hate that when I embark on a new adventure I have to stop 44 times throughout to pick up things that my brain has left behind.
    It looks as though you are making some speedy progress on this Normal Navy Sweater though. And yay! All the math worked!

  2. It's looking good Finny -- I can't believe what a speed-knitter you are!

  3. I get super frustrated when I'm ready to do a project and can't manage to get the tools/supplies I need coordinated with my desire to get going. It's just like that blasted pasta maker I ordered from Amazon.com (from your post a while back that had me all excited). So, the other day I cancelled the backordered pasta maker and went out and bought the attachments stuff for my KitchenAid -- that'll teach 'em. Anyway, I hope all works out for you and Bubba's sweater makes him happy.

  4. The blue is BOOOOOTEEFUL! I like the deep rich color...perfect for - next winter? :)

    It snowed here this week so we could still use sweaters!


[2013 update: You can't comment as an anonymous person anymore. Too many douchebags were leaving bullshit SPAM comments and my inbox was getting flooded, but if you're here to comment in a real way like a real person, go to it.]

Look at you commenting, that's fun.

So, here's the thing with commenting, unless you have an email address associated with your own profile, your comment will still post, but I won't have an email address with which to reply to you personally.

Sucks, right?

Anyway, to remedy this, I usually come back to my posts and post replies in the comment field with you.

But, if you ever want to email me directly to talk about pumpkins or shoes or what it's like to spend a good part of your day Swiffering - shoot me an email to finnyknitsATgmailDOTcom.