Peel garlic like a superhero + Kale Killer [RECIPE]

I should have a cape for this.

You know, I have only so much patience for people not recognizing my skills.

Like when, after many years of subscribing to Cook's Illustrated (thanks MiL!), I *finally* had a Quick Tip and was all excited to submit it to them and then what?

Nothing.

Moooooooooooooooooooooths later (2) and no mention of my fabulous mind-bending, life-changing Quick Tip in their big fancy we-know-everything-about-cooking magazine that I worship.

Boh.

As though they have jillions of backlogged Quick Tips that they're trying to fit into the 10 spaces in the monthly issues or something? Ridiculous! They only need mine!

Anyway.

I have a Quick Tip and if CI isn't going to share it with you then I will. Because it must be known! It is so QUICK and such a great TIP even if I do say so myself, which I do. Often.

And if they decide to share it years from now in their 10 bazillionth awesome issue then so be it. We won't be there to remember that it was mine, but the future generations will know and that will be enough. I suppose.

ANYWAY AGAIN - my Quick Tip, for your enjoyment.

Peel Garlic Like a Superhero

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's...I'll stop now.

First, I should say that I don't know what about this method makes it "like a superhero", except that I always feel fast and stealthy when I do it, and so, I call it "like a superhero", so just go with me. Pretend you're Superman in blue tights or something. Good fun.

Basically, the goal is to make peeling garlic so fast, easy and not requiring of extra tools (assuming that you're about to use a garlic press) that you'll have to wash, that when you're faced with a recipe (to follow - patience!) that calls for multiple cloves of garlic, you won't get all UGH but peeling garlic is so annoying and tedious that you just close the cookbook and take out the blue box of mac and cheese instead.

Don't do it! Try this instead and save mac and cheese for White Trash Cook Off Night.

1. Put your sheathed clove of garlic in the press.
That's right - with the peel still on it. SCARY.

2. Crunch down firmly, but not completely - until you hear a nice 'CRACK'. That's the peel going bye-bye.

3. Plop the garlic clove, now bouncing freely inside its peel,
onto the cutting board or whatever and pop off the whole peel all at once.

4. Throw the peel into the compost sack on the counter that you've been meaning to take out (sorry no photo here - take it from me, not pretty) and smush that nekkid clove right back through the press.

And then do it as many more times as the recipe calls for because HOLY SHIT that barely took a second. And those peels are long gone, gooping it up in the composter, where you barely had to interact with them at all.

No picking around at that last transparent skin stuck all to the garlic like glue. No digging chunks of garlic from under your fingernail from when you went at it a little too hard. No mincing mangled cloves that got a little too smushed under the knife using this method.

No, you're a superhero garlic peeler now and you don't have time for all that nonsense. Put on your blue tights (I love this outfit and now I need blue tights.) and lets make something that calls for a lot of garlic!

And you won't even have to make a vegetable for dinner.
Because it's right in there. Nice.

Kale Killer w/ Pasta
Adapted from Pasta with Kale and Beans from Serving Up the Harvest, Andrea Chesman
My changes in bold

Ingredients
3 T extra virgins
4 large garlic cloves DENUDED and minced
1 t crushed red pepper flakes
1 15 oz can cannellini beans, rinsed and drained
1 1/2 lbs Russian kale, de-stemmed and chopped
1 c chicken broth
1 c shredded fresh Parmesan
Salt and fresh ground pepper
3 cups orecchiette pasta (shaped like "little ears", you know)

To make
Start a sea-salty pot of water to boil.

Heat your oil in a large saucepan THAT HAS A LID over med-high heat. Saute the garlic and red pepper in there until you can smell the garlic but it's not burning.

Your kitchen will smell like spicy heaven.

Stir in your beans, kale and broth. Cover it up and turn the temp to low, letting it simmer for about 8-10 mins. I simmer longer because undercooked kale tastes like hair and no one likes that.

Our farm share has a crush on kale. This is 1/2 a week's worth.

When it goes in, it's big and scary.

When it's done - it's small and not hairy tasting at all.

Cook the pasta al dente once the water boils and drain it. I wouldn't worry about saving any of the water, I've never needed it.

Stir the pasta in with the kale and beans, grind some fresh pepper on there and add some salt - to your taste. Remember, you're adding Parmesan, too, so it could get salty. Which, for me is awesome, I like salt, but you might have an aversion or something. Just be mindful is all.

Be sure to use the wood spoon you got for $1 a Target 10 years ago. Good girl.

Stir in the potentially salty Parmesan and mix it up until its well blended, but try not to smash all the beans. They are very fragile at this point and don't take well to man-handling.

Yes. Your eyes do not lie. That's a cup of Parmesan. Swoony!

Serve it up with some toasted No Knead Bread and a gin cocktail. Or don't - it's your place.

Yeah, this is the same photo. What of it?

I hope you've enjoyed this installment of Finny is a Nutbag and I invite you to please, come again.

You should know that this is also my contribution to March's Grow Your Own challenge on Andrea's Recipes. If you grow, forage, etc your own food and then make things from it that are edible, you can join up! Don't post gross things though, I don't appreciate that.