Thursday, June 06, 2013

You look like you could use a break FOR GARDEN LOOKING.

Even though I should be studying for finals (which are almost over this week YAY HOORAY HALLELUJAH I NEED A NAP) and you should probably be working or something, let's just stop everything we're doing and look because whoa...

The tomatoes are happening. 

Like, they're happening their pants off over here.

Paul Robeson - because we're fancy like that here. YES WE ARE.
Jaune Flamme - because we like two bite tomatoes by the handful for lunch every day for months on end.
Hahms Gelbe Topftomate - because I just had to see what this tiny ass tomato was all about. Apparently it's tiny-ness.
This is the Jaune Flamme again - because I SAID SO. Why do you try to fight me on this? 
Better Boy - because always.

And because the rest of the garden is *not* to be shown up by the likes of a few tomato plants, everything else is doing shit, too.

Like making lanterns. It's like a fucking lantern fest over here.
A lantern fest wherein we check the tomatillos' buttholes for signs of life. 
"We see you checking buttholes and we judge you."
These sneaky *not* pole beans went ahead and put on beans, thus proving beyond a doubt that they were a bush variety. So glad I placed them strategically on the tepee lines.
We're already eating basil with all of our meals. And will be forevermore. Which is fine by me.
Thankfully some of the beans were pole beans, otherwise that tepee would just be, like, decoration or something. 
This jalapeno better be super mighty to keep up with the Salsa Verde dreams I'm harboring thanks to those beast tomatillo plants.
A future square watermelon because round watermelons are so five minutes ago.
These guys are going into the fridge with some brine TODAY. First pickles of the year in 24 hours.  COUNT IT DOWN.
First true harvest of Concord Grapists is forthcoming
This is probably the dumbest picture of my wee kumquat tree, but there you have it. Kumquats. Quatting. It's what they do. Per Bubba.
I grow kale because I hate Bubba. Or so he says.
This cucumber trellis is already dangerously close to exceeding capacity. Which is just how I like it.
Guess what happens when you don't pull the Chrysanthemum greens you planted in early spring for salad? Yeah, this.
Hey! The bees are back and super happy! And then the jerk cilantro bolted because it's a jerk. JERK.
Do not fear - I have since thinned these apples, but don't they look nice? DO NOT FEAR, I said. Stop fearing.
Bubba has renamed them fartichokes because you know why.
Yeah - it's kind of a scene over here in the garden right now.

And because people have started to get to know me and my weakness for orphan vegetable plants, I'm now growing a pumpkin and a spaghetti squash in the front yard meadow, thus confirming all of our neighbors' suspicions that I'm a lunatic and that our front yard is becoming dangerously similar to a homeless encampment.

"You wouldn't want me to just throw this spaghetti squash plant into the compost pile would you?"

I tell you, these "friends" of ours are sneaky bastards.

Anyway, that's enough of me blowing off studying. I'll try to round up some brain cells once finals are over to put up a halfway entertaining post.

It might be about my new job growing indoor food crops. It might be about how I made myself ill eating a whole jar of homemade refrigerator pickles before breakfast just because they were there YAY FINALLY. It might be about how I finally snapped and strangled the annoying woman who plagued three of my classes this semester when she refused to just shut the hell up and let the professor give us our test.

Who knows what Post-Finals Brain will bring. Or whether I'll be writing blog posts from behind bars.


  1. Ok, that's it, I'm just quitting gardening. I can't even compete with all this success you're bragging about. Simply amazing garden!!! I'm totes jealous! Love the butthole comment for the tomatillos (so glad I'm not the only one who sees weird/naughty body parts in the garden plants). What variety of apples are those? And did you treat/spray them in any way?


    1. Don't quit! I need gardeny friends! Everyone else thinks I'm a freak.

      Meanwhile - those are Gravenstein apples - only the best apples in the whole wide world. I did spray the tree with neem oil early in the season, before pink bud, to fend off any overwintering cooties and I did put out a mating disruption trap for Codling moth, but that's it. They get a good side dressing of compost, too.

  2. Can I just chime in with something I heard MTB saying in my head right now when I started reading this post? "What? Tomatoes have PANTS?" Oh, that silly MTB. Or maybe I'm just hearing voices. Oooh how excited am I about my 7 am Skype date... woo wooooo bring me a virtual pomodoro...

    1. Your virtual pomodoro will have to come later in the summer, but I'll see what I can harvest for tomorrow's breakfast other than a hangover.

  3. I presume you're done with your finals already, so instead of saying good luck, I'll just say nice tomatoes. And cucumbers. I just saw my cucumber plants come up out of the ground TODAY, so I an FAR from the first pickles of the year. Boo.

    1. That is the saddest time: pre-pickle and pre-tomato. Soon! And then the tomato crazy will settle in :)

  4. Did I tell you I had a dream the other night that I ate vegetables and liked them? Like I got excited about this super pretty salad and stuff? It was so weird. I obviously ate a Pop Tart for breakfast to shake the crazies out.

    1. WHAT A NIGHTMARE. The Pop Tarts I mean.


[2013 update: You can't comment as an anonymous person anymore. Too many douchebags were leaving bullshit SPAM comments and my inbox was getting flooded, but if you're here to comment in a real way like a real person, go to it.]

Look at you commenting, that's fun.

So, here's the thing with commenting, unless you have an email address associated with your own profile, your comment will still post, but I won't have an email address with which to reply to you personally.

Sucks, right?

Anyway, to remedy this, I usually come back to my posts and post replies in the comment field with you.

But, if you ever want to email me directly to talk about pumpkins or shoes or what it's like to spend a good part of your day Swiffering - shoot me an email to finnyknitsATgmailDOTcom.