Straight As. It's not what you think.

OK, so it is what you think, but it's also something else.

Firstly - here's one thing that Straight As means:

Right - like, obviously. Too bad obviously it nearly fucking killed me this semester. Perhaps you doubt how strenuous a horticulture curriculum can be and to you I say - suck it.

There was math. There was chemistry. There was a good deal of physical labor (that was also badass fun, but still LABOR fun). There were some REALLY super mind-bendingly annoying students that I had to exercise all of my fist clenching abilities to avoid killing with my car, laptop, pruning shears, just whatever dull object was close by at the time. There was a bug collection for which I had to catch, kill and pin bugs into a box.

See? Blech. Did not enjoy.

There were things, people, things that made this semester the total bitch that I predicted it would be.

And now HALLELUJAH PRAISE POPCORN I AM SAVED because that shit is over.

Done.

I'm done with the hell semester and BAM! got some more As to show for it. Still straight ones. Phew and such.

Then there's the other thing that Straight As means:

A for Ass, of course - what's left of it.

Yeah, so for those of you who've been with us around Finny Rips All of The Asses Out of Her Pants Land for a while - this isn't a surprise.

I rip asses out of pants pretty regularly. Like, I think this goes down as Pants Rendered Asunder #5 in my history of pants killings. And - super annoyingly - it's my third pair of Sanctuary pants to rip in this exact same place because Sanctuary apparently builds a self-destruct mode into their pathetically fragile clothing so that it can't be worn for 11 years and, therefore, have its value truly enjoyed by its owner.

No. As much as I love Sanctuary (and I do OH HOW I DO) - these guys are fucks. They make the most awesome-fitting, awesomely styled, wear with anything clothes a person could want out of fucking tissue paper.

I think, anyway.

I mean, either that or the self-destruct button in their pants is the left butt cheek pocket (and, hey, if you're going to put a button somewhere, I guess it *should* be on the ass) and I am really good at hitting it.

And before you say it, BECAUSE I CAN HEAR YOU THINKING IT, my ass is not that big. For reals. None of the pants I have that have had their asses ripped as such have been tight. In fact, all of these pants are/were so loose that when the ass ripping happened, I had to be informed of said ass ripping because I couldn't, like, feel the destroyed fabric caressing my bare buttock or anything. Which you would be able to feel if it was a super tight pair of pants, right?

Right.

Anyway, that's the other Straight As I was really referring to. Because having all of my favorite pairs of pants ripped straight down the ass is not my favorite thing. As you can probably imagine.

Though, like the others, I shall patch these babies up as best I can and keep them in the rotation because now I'm a starving student who can't just run back to Zappos and buy another pair to fill the void in my closet/life.

Please look forward to a future post in which I perhaps make these into a craft. Or a noose. That would just totally break at the worst moment.

Wow. That got dark. Don't worry! I'm fine! Just mad about the pants.

Yay for Straight As! Boo for other Straight As.