Friday, December 08, 2006

Let the games begin

For those of you who were with me last year, you might recall (maybe with great joy like I do) the new holiday-time tradition that I devised to soothe my aching eyerolling muscles.

I won't lie, some people have called me mean-spirited, grinch-y, a bitch - because of this new (fun, hello) tradition. But I won't be dissuaded from speaking my true feelings.

Those being that I FEEL like people are a skoshe too liberal with lights, ornaments, lawn decorations, inflatable holiday characters, the use of generators to maintain their festive metropoli and, in general, a mite careless with the consumption of fossil fuels to charge these displays.

Plus, they're usually really ugly.

Sure, I imagine that there are some people out there that have even the most marginal tact and taste and, despite all odds, are still inclined to bedeck their homes with colored lightbulbs and seasonal frippery, so I acknowledge the fact that there *may* be homes out there that are not, in the typical sense, FUGLY, but I don't care about those. I care about the ugly ones. Because they are everywhere and they bug me.

So, let us kick off the '06 round of "Which House is the Ugliest?" with a teeth-grinding comparison of last year's fugliest house:

with this year's updated display:


Notice the addition of the two enormous inflatable candy canes.

Stand in awe of Harley Santa and Sidecar Snowman on their green inflatable motorcycle.

Rejoice in Jack in the Box Santa lingering diminutively next to Penguin atop Igloo unlike last year when Santa towered above man, beast and churning snowglobe alike.

And, finally, appreciate the whimsical carelessness with which the pastel-hued twinkling lights were strung to highlight only the widespread lack of parking space in the driveway.

Year over year, this house can be counted on to be a true gem of fugly house decorating. Which is why I was willing to swerve haphazardly across two lanes of traffic and park, albeit momentarily, but illegally across the street in order to photograph it on my way home from the store the other night.

I was actually pretty inspired during my drive home and ended up abandoning most of my honed safe-driving practices in order to capture some of the more offensive techniques in the neighborhood. And before we part ways and go off in search of fuglier examples to celebrate this, my now one year old, fabulous tradition, let me leave you with a couple more good examples of Fugly, for reference purposes:

Example: Psychedelic funhouse Christmas
Example: We can't decide so throw all the lights at the house and see what sticks

Feel free to send me the most glaring Fugly examples so we can all point and laugh from our own remote locations: finnyknitsATgmailDOTcom.

Happy hunting.

9 comments:

  1. I'm in! Pics coming your way soon...

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  2. I revel in your holiday hilarity. Happy hunting! (Nothin' doin' over in these parts...although...you never know.)

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  3. Did you know that when I see tacky lights in my neighborhood, you are the first one I think of? :) Hee hee! Glad you are continuing the tradition Fin!

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  4. E&I - I'm riveted! I can't wait to see what Fargo comes up with. I have a feeling it's gooooooooood.

    Shelley - What? No heinous displays of Christmas merriment overload in Rome? There must be some crazy Roman holiday display. I would be willing to bet there is a crazy nativity scene in one of those millions of churches. No disco Baby Jesus?

    Kelli - When you see the lights and think of me, TAKE A PICTURE! I know Arizonans do freaky shit with their lights.

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  5. I love it when you do this! So damn funny...

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  6. Jennifer Krieger12/14/2006 1:04 PM

    Hi,
    I'm getting to like you. Anyone that cranky, ie, me, can't be all bad.
    I don't know where you are, but here in LA lights are BIG. We live in a windy area and it does my black heart good to see the snowmen and Santas tipped over and deflated.
    My husband is Jewish and although we celebrate every holiday that comes along, he draws the line at lights outside.
    Jenny

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  7. While I live in LA too, I rarely see these. Maybe because I left town for the holidays, maybe because my street is just apartments? Anyway, in NJ I saw more than my fair share. The saddest part is the morning when they are just pathetic lumps in the yard.

    http://mycrayonbox.blogspot.com/2006/12/i-am-back-in-nj-and-what-to-my.html

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  8. LL - Welcome back and feel free to send on anything freaky that you find. I KNOW LA has some funny stuff.

    Jennifer - I'm up in Norcal - where the lights are clearly as ridiculous as ever. BUT, if you come across some especially hideous ones down south, totally take a picture and send it up. I love to collaborate on such an evil little pasttime. And in my house, I'm the Jewish one and my husband is the Santa hater. Either way, we both say no lights outside - he just says NO DECORATIONS AT ALL. I have managed one wreath though. And he LOATHES it.

    Jane- I may have to refer to those pictures of yours - that is my dream come true. Hilarious!

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  9. I have some gems to add to your list, just never have a camera with me to document the moment...I will tho..

    S

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[2013 update: You can't comment as an anonymous person anymore. Too many douchebags were leaving bullshit SPAM comments and my inbox was getting flooded, but if you're here to comment in a real way like a real person, go to it.]

Look at you commenting, that's fun.

So, here's the thing with commenting, unless you have an email address associated with your own profile, your comment will still post, but I won't have an email address with which to reply to you personally.

Sucks, right?

Anyway, to remedy this, I usually come back to my posts and post replies in the comment field with you.

But, if you ever want to email me directly to talk about pumpkins or shoes or what it's like to spend a good part of your day Swiffering - shoot me an email to finnyknitsATgmailDOTcom.

Cheers.