Craft FAIL | Knitting SUCCESS

So, 'member (Bubba hates that) when I was all, "Hey, look at my amazing thing called Corks!"?

And I thought I was so smart for using my old corks to hold my stitches on my knitting?

Yeah, you remember. It was one in a long string of super modest moments. I'm so humble.

Anyway, I reveled in the discovery like a professional reveler. I mean, I was always giving myself a mental high five every time I took out my knitting (which has been pretty often given the cooling off of the weather) because I'm such a smartie that I managed to reuse two of my five billion corks in a useful way and, at the same time, had avoided losing stitches to the evil knitting gnome who lives in my knitting bag and likes to yank my project from its needles as it sits innocently by the couch.

These were precious moments, folks, when I felt smart about myself for five minutes.

Anyway, in my typical Queen of Forcing It fashion, I took my smartie-pantsness too far yesterday as I tried to set aside my knitting so I could focus my anger on the 49ers as they insisted on allowing the Falcons to remove their heads in a bloodbath to the tune of 45-10. And in the process of this "setting aside" I thought I had an amazing idea.

One that would keep the sleeves of my project from coming off their stupid double pointed needles.

One that would use the existing awesome cork stitch holders in a new and awesome way.

And that idea was to take the three points on one end of the project and jam them into the sides of one cork and then take the three points on the other end of the project and jam those into the sides of the other cork thus creating a virtually impenetrable fortress of safety for my stitches from the evil bag gnome.

Do you get what I'm saying here?

Well, if you don't, don't worry - I'm about to show you why this is an awful idea meanwhile you will probably see what I was going for.

It would have been great, I tells ya.

Yeah, so, had this worked and my amazing Hulk-like strength had not burst forth from my ripped guns, I would have had three needles covered on both ends with two corks. Real fancy good use of two old corks, I thought.

But, instead, I had three needles covered on both ends with two corks and then YAY broken in the middle to form a soul-crushing little tent-like thing.

YAY.

Because, of course, bamboo needles are made of bamboo and not, say, steel or some other not-super-breakable material, and so when you go applying force from both ends and then twisting even the tiniest bit, well, they snap like my ankles before a cold pre-dawn run.

These stitches are now living on a too-long circular needle. It irks me.

And the sound is nearly as sickening. I swear it to you.

Anyway, the FAIL here is easy to see, because DUH, there are the broken needles right there, but thankfully this was paired with a Knitting SUCCESS otherwise someone other than a certain SF tight end might have had their head removed. By moi. GRRR.

The knitting success, which maybe you already guessed at on your side of the computer screen, was the fact that this bastardized sweater pattern is totally working out because I've moved onto the sleeves!

Which I totally wouldn't have done if I'd tried it on only to find out that it fit like some other piece of crap that I knit in the past or maybe a new horrible incarnation of horseshit knitting.

I have never let myself dream that I could knit a fitted garment, but there you go.

So, yes, the body of the sweater fits perfectly, which is a huge and surprising success, and now all I need to do is knit the sleeves while contemplating whether to finish the hem and cuffs off like I did on Bubba's sweater.

I can't decide. You decide! What do you think: Do I ...

• Leave the bottom hem and sleeve cuffs au natural so that they roll (see above photo)?
• Use that fancy technique I learned from Knitting without Tears (Swears) where the edges turn all nice and neatly?

Keep in mind that the neckline will be the Au Natural Rolling way because the fancy turning technique is not going to work up there given the giant neckline. So you know.

I haven't been able to decide because I've been too busy ordering more yarn (What? You need more yarn to turn a Tshirt into a long-sleeved sweater? Oh. Right.), replacement DPNs and Addi Turbos in even more sizes.

Because, even though I've had a love/hate relationship with these guys in the past, I'm currently in the Love camp because they make this mind-numbing sleeve knitting process just OH SO MUCH faster.

Really. They do. I believe that's why they call them "Turbo".

Anyway.

That's about it for the trials and tribulations of my small knitting while watching football and breaking shit lifestyle. I hope to be back with a fully executed Perfect-For-Me sweater of my own bastardized design soon.

And I will share the pattern changes I made so maybe you, too, can knit one of these things if you so desire, and without the ritualistic snapping of nice needles.

*Sigh*