Thursday, November 14, 2013

This just in - I'm old as fuck.

Yeah, so, the SHIFT key is still not fixed on this recalcitrant keyboard, so it'll probably fuck up and not capitalize things the way I'd like, but i can't be going back every two seconds to slam down the SHIFT key to make it work, so let's just all be grown ups and ignore my capitalizing errors.

Even though I totally judge myself and others for any grammatical and spelling errors in writing. There. I said it. I judge you. At least i judge myself, too, so there's that. And - hey - there's a big old uncapitalized "i" back there for you all to judge along with me.

WOO ISN'T THIS FUN? Probably, not really.

Anyway - I'm apparently old as fuck.

Remember when I busted both big toes doing stupid Crossfit? I did. I sprained both big toes while lunging too enthusiastically with the overhead bar.

I don't know why I was so enthusiastic about it, but I'll just go ahead and assume it was the atmosphere of enthusiasm and the 60+ year old woman next to me overhead pressing triple the weight I had on my bar.

Seriously - these people are crazy in shape. When they're not terribly injured, that is.

So yeah, I sprained both big toes doing these stupid lunges and the result of which was the overly enthusiastic growing of bone in the joints of my toes to replace that which was fucked up during the injury.

The doctor referred to it as "trama related bone development" or something similarly fancy and non-swear using, but you get my meaning.

I sprained the toe. The toe tried to heal by making more bone. I now have too much bone there. It hurts.

When pressed for more info and Xrays and referrals to a doctor who could help me walk like a normal human girl again, I heard more doctor-y words that confirmed that i am, in fact, 110 years old or some shit.

Words like, "Degenerative Joint Disease" and "Bone Spurs".

Awesome. I'm degenerating.

AKA - I'm dying. From the feet up.


Then Bubba was searching around the Internets for whateverwhoknows and came upon some info about gout.

Have you heard of gout? The disease that afflicts people who don't ever drink water, eat tons of salt, don't exercise regularly and get horribly swollen and painful joints and then have mind-bending pain when doing something like, OH I DON'T KNOW, trying to bend their toes to walk?

Yeah. So, Bubba thinks I have gout now. Even though I drink water constantly and exercise daily (hourly? I mean, it's nearly constant at this point). And honestly, I don't think he's far off since my dad has gout and it apparently runs in our family and OH YAY gout is hereditary.

Good times.

Another affliction that sounds old and awful is probably in my feet.

So, there's your weekly I Throw random Information At Your Face with Irregular Capitalization and, to bottom line it for you, I'm old as fuck.

Let's party.

just to prove to myself that I'm not ready for a wheel chair and a diet of prune pudding, here's a photo from my bike ride the other day during which time I traveled into the Forest of Nisene Marks by way of the mountain bike and I'll tell you that I used half of that fork's travel, so that means I can't be all of my 110 alleged years just yet. Right? Right.


  1. Ow. That sounds really painful.

    I have an appointment with a doctor in a couple of weeks to get my thyroid tested, because hypothyroidism runs in MY family and I'm so fatigued and my hands are so tired all the time I sometimes feel like I almost can't hold onto the plates when I'm doing dishes. I had hoped the degeneration would hold off until my forties. Apparently not. I blame the children for prematurely aging me.

  2. So, everytime I think of doing cross fit I think of your toes lol. Hmm yeah regular gym sounds fine. BUT here is something weird. Last time at book club I was talking to my older lady friends about Scott's foot being swollen and they were talking about gout. They said to drink dark cherry juice or take the extract pills. He's fine now (it was just from his circulation crap) but maybe you could try it? Wouldn't hurt right? They all swore by it and you know those old people used to sound crazy when I was young but now I know they know what they are talking about.

  3. I thought I had gout too, brought on in London over the holidays by WAY to much champagne drinking and pork belly. I think it was actually just too much time on my feet (partially in heels over the holidays and no one in their right mind wears heels in London). I also blame "internet disease paranoia" filling my head with craziness. My feet are better now that I sit on my ass ALL day at work, though now I am starting to lose my mind. Sitting is for suckers.

    Feel better my friend and remember ski season is just around the corner. Get those footsies healthy.

  4. Alright, alright. I ordered a new damn keyboard, GramGram. Sheesh!

  5. I don't know, man. I really like prunes. And I really like pudding. Why fight it? (This is why they call me Old Man Donley.)

    IN other news: NO GOUT. Don't let him, or the interwebs, talk you into craziness. Extra bone just means your body is trying to get extra credit. Duh. That's who you are.

  6. I run every day with my dogs and have bone spurs and arthritis on my big toe joints. The arthritis started in my 20's and I'm 42. Last year I got custom orthotics and it has helped a lot, also wearing the right shoes, which for me, means no super flexible shoes, but a stiff shoe. I'll have to get some of the bone shaved off my joint if the pain becomes debilitating.
    You probably don't have gout. I hope you find something that helps your feet.

  7. I have gout; it is hereditary. It doesn't have anything to do with salt or water or any of those things. As a matter of fact, I get flare-ups when I eat too much celery, spinach, asparagus or fish. The ONLY thing that helps is allopurinol. It does not get better and it cannot be cured. In fact, if you let it go untreated it will continue to get worse until . . . well, you don't want to know. Drink plenty of decaffeinated green tea, eliminate alcohol and never, ever, ever eat liver again. And forget about deli or anything with msg. But you can eat as much dark chocolate as you like. Just curious: do you have type AB blood?


[2013 update: You can't comment as an anonymous person anymore. Too many douchebags were leaving bullshit SPAM comments and my inbox was getting flooded, but if you're here to comment in a real way like a real person, go to it.]

Look at you commenting, that's fun.

So, here's the thing with commenting, unless you have an email address associated with your own profile, your comment will still post, but I won't have an email address with which to reply to you personally.

Sucks, right?

Anyway, to remedy this, I usually come back to my posts and post replies in the comment field with you.

But, if you ever want to email me directly to talk about pumpkins or shoes or what it's like to spend a good part of your day Swiffering - shoot me an email to finnyknitsATgmailDOTcom.