Tuesday, April 02, 2013

We canceled TV and now I like TV again.

Am I the only one that looks at the monthly cable/satellite/TV bill and immediately bends over to assume the apparently accepted position?

Well, I'm here to tell you that I will bend over NO MORE.

For that - for TV. Not that I'm bending over for other things, but let's try to keep it somewhat clean around here, you big pervs.

As of last Friday, we don't have our massive, all-inclusive, gets all the channels even the movie ones, satellite TV service anymore and, suddenly, I like TV again and it's not just because I'm not paying upwards of $170 a month on the shit.

Yeah. $170 a month. That's ABSURD. I don't spend that much money on effing groceries, people. Like, I have been spending more money putting commercials into my eyeballs than food into my body.

That's just not right. I mean, yes, our grocery bill is sort of absurdly low because so much of it comes from the garden, our neighbors' chickens and fruit trees and the farm/beef/chicken/pork shares BUT STILL - the math could not be done to make the TV bill work and you know I don't do math if I can help it anyway, so that was the final nail in the coffin.

I was forced to do math to justify this rapist TV bill and that alone meant that No More TV.

No more TV of the old-fashioned kind anyway - we still have the Roku and such to stream Netflix and Amazon Instant and all of the other online-y media that we can't live without and that's probably why I like TV again. Suddenly.

One week after canceling traditional TV and I'm all, "Hey! There's so much good shit on TV!" since suddenly I'm not spending all this time scrolling through hundreds of useless channels filled with nothing good or maybe, if I'm lucky, something marginally watchable but usually packed with commercials or with half the screen covered by the in-program network ads whoring their other stupid unwatchable shows and YOU KNOW they're bleeping out all the good parts.

I want the swears, people! And for $170 a month - I want them ALL.

So, now I'm not watching commercials (or even half watching them as I fast forward through them). I'm not watching stupid crap that I barely like just because it's on when I feel like sitting down in front of the tube. I'm not sending good money after bad service and I'm not giving up all kinds of space to the big stupid satellite boxes and remotes and wires and such. I'm also NOT having to fill in all the bleeps with what I assume they're ever so hilariously saying behind the carefully placed bleeps.

No. Just no more of that, thank you.

But I am now faced with a new issue that perhaps some of you can relate to - I'm, at the same time, drawn to and repelled by The Walking Dead and I can't cope effectively without the intrusive commercial breaks.

Since we've been watching it on Netflix like the greedy streamers that we are, I watch this show without any commercial breaks and the fucking show gives me a heart condition. I've had to resort to just getting up and going to the bar to freshen up my drying ice cubes and other such methods of self-imposed commercial breaks because I can't handle how anxious I get with the lurky zombies and the face eating and the Who Is Going To Do What Fucked Up Thing For No Apparent Reasoning that is just all over that show.

Are you like this, too? Does this show make you mental? Do you find yourself waking up every 20 minutes throughout the night having dreamed about zombie cashiers at the grocery store? Have you started noticing crossbows for sale around town? Do you carry a shovel to bed?

Regardless, I'm loving the no-normal TV life we're now leading where, when I decide I'm going to sit in front of the TV for a bit, I can be all, "Hmmm...I feel like watching something that will scare the ever loving crap out of me and then I'm going to watch Drawn Together because I just remembered how awesome that show was and then I'm going to watch a documentary about Alaska because I've always wanted to go there and then I'll do something productive."



  1. We got rid of our cable years ago...like before Husband and I got married in 2009. We have quite the media library, however. We also use Netflix Streaming and Hulu. The only complaint I have about not having cable is that sometimes I feel out of the loop. I have no idea what Game of Thrones or Downton Abbey are even about, though I hear a lot about them.

    Why did we get rid of cable? We didn't like being raped at $120/mo. for cable and internet.


    1. Well, when Game of Thrones comes to Netflix, you can get it there and watch it up. That is an excellent series and one of the reasons we stayed with satellite so long - so that we could have HBO GO. Downton Abbey can bite me. Never seen it and now I have no interest.

      I'm glad we can bond over giving cable the finger. Bastards AT LEAST.

  2. I am so ready to join you in this. I don't even know how much we pay for DirectTV BECAUSE I AM A 50's HOUSEWIFE WITH THIS STUFF DON"T JUDGE ME but I know it's a bundle. And I NEVER watch anything when it's actually on so why not go another route. I could spend that money on SHOES, damn it. And more worms for my compost pile. Damn.

    And Walking Dead is awesome--it's tense at times, yes, but it's also a great character study. And Darryl makes me uncomfortable for thinking he's hot.

    1. OK, I'm not even far enough into Walking Dead to know for sure who Darryl is. Is he the hick Dixon brother that's not one-handed Merle? Anyway - if so, yes, that's creepy. But I hear it's a trend.

      We initially started considering this because we were like you - never watching shit when it was actually on. I don't know what we'll spend that money on otherwise, but whatever it is will probably bring us more enjoyment.

    2. Holy sweet mother...............Daryl Dixon is my current reason for existing. I am freaking obsessed with the man (Norman Reedus) and his role as Daryl. He is so freaking sexy it's unbelievable. Literally - I spend every free minute at work trolling for pictures of him on line.

  3. I want to get rid of satellite too but I don't think I can make it. The new season of True Blood on HBO starts in June and I literally CANNOT live without it. My Sundays all summer revolve around True Blood. And now I'm hooked on MobWives, Dance Moms, Duck Dynesty and Who the B##!%?, Who the %$#!@%$ Did I Marry, Snapped, etc. I don't know that I can handle not having these in my life. And now? Well I'm sucked into the show Ridiculousness. (My latest favorite episode is the vagina slap one here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvTnXUzJ9Gw ... HILARIOUS)

    1. Does True Blood ever go to Netflix or Amazon streaming? Cuz, there you go. We found other series to keep us entertained while the series we wanted to see sent their latest season to Netflix, but I feel you on this. It took us a while of contemplating.

  4. I have a lot of things to say about TV, but since none of them are complimentary and many of them would probably be offensive to people who actually watch it a lot, I'll just bow out of this one.

    But I'm glad you stopped giving money to a media conglomerate. They don't need it. You do. For more raised beds.

    1. YES I DO. More raised beds. More bees. More seeds. More canning supplies. And fermenting stuff. And beer brewing stuff.

      We're out of control. We don't have time for TV.

  5. After your confession of enjoying Drawn Together, I love you that much more. That show ROCKED and was SO wrong on SO many levels. (Thinking of the particular episode with the pizza delivery shenanigans) (Or what about talking a fall in the Escher Room?)

    We got rid of cable years ago, and were always bragging to our friends about how we didn't pay for TV. Well, except Netflix. But then this past year we did bite the bullet and start paying for stuff WE WANTED off've Amazon Streaming - and y'know, that's alright. And yes, that's how we did the third season of Walking Dead. GOOD STUFF!!!

    And now I'm going to go sing one of my most favorite songs ever...."Some black chick's tooooongue...." (No offense to anyone - I didn't write it, and it's a song about appreciation)

    1. We just rewatched the Escher room episode the other day. There are a billion horribly awesome references in that episode and convinced us that we need to rewatch the entire series. I think there are three seasons! Oh, and we saw the "Some black chick's tooooooongue..." episode, too. So awesome. "Mayonnaise Mama..." Friggen died.

      Meanwhile, yes - I'd rather pay for the content I really want via cherry-picking and a few bucks a month for a subscription than nearly $200 a month for what they decide to give me. That's just dumb.

  6. After 2 years of no TV in London, I could use some trashy junk TV right about now. We have resorted to watching You Tube movies in bed on occasion our tiny laptop - and then pray there aren't subtitles since Dave only has one good eye.

    That being said, I have never had a cable bill because Dave knows how to game the system..... He can teach you these skills. I won' say anything more incriminating than that, because if it comes down to it - I know nothing. "No officer (or whoever the cable-cop person is), I had no idea we have been stealing cable my entire adult life."

    1. Cable can be gamed - yes. That's all I'm going to say. Satellite would be different and, frankly, I'm looking forward to getting that piece of shit off of my house.

      If you want junk, just get a Netflix subscription and watch all the junk you can handle. If, that is, your idea of junk is the same as mine. I don't know if the have reality TV shows on there, but there is a lot of animated stuff that is HIGHlarious. And also junky.

  7. Well, give your little behind a rest. Use this time wisely and strengthen those muscles. 'Cause a lot of people are doing just what you've done. And you know those cable and satellite companies aren't going to take that crap sitting down. I was just discussing this with the hubby the other day ('cause I'm getting a little tired of the raping myself) and he said there's been a lot of talk about starting to charge by the amount of streaming you do. If they do that, your raping will commence once again. ;-(

    1. Yeah - I heard that about the streaming charges for mobile. But - let's be honest here - they're always going to find a way to rape you with the pointy end of the bill, it's just a matter of giving yourself a reprieve at some point in the process. I think that's what we're doing now. And, really, if it comes down to it, we'll just throw the TVs in traffic and go skiing. Which we've now resorted to doing in the backcountry because there is just no reason that a lift ticket should cost $100. For the same hills we've been riding for the past 12 years for less.


  8. Welcome. You are so very, very smart.

  9. We downsized our available channels a few months ago. I thought I'd miss my guilty pleasures of the Real Housewives but come to find out- I don't miss them. We opted for Netflix to fill in the missing blanks and it has already come in handy (my teen daughter had the flu this week [in April! WTF?] and we watched some old school movies like Clueless, ect). My problem is losing awesome channels like the History channel- Vikings is a must-see show! And I was told the shows on specialty cable channels (HBO) will never be on Netflix. Maybe removing channels little by little is easier? Anyways, hats off to you my friend! You are an inspiration!


[2013 update: You can't comment as an anonymous person anymore. Too many douchebags were leaving bullshit SPAM comments and my inbox was getting flooded, but if you're here to comment in a real way like a real person, go to it.]

Look at you commenting, that's fun.

So, here's the thing with commenting, unless you have an email address associated with your own profile, your comment will still post, but I won't have an email address with which to reply to you personally.

Sucks, right?

Anyway, to remedy this, I usually come back to my posts and post replies in the comment field with you.

But, if you ever want to email me directly to talk about pumpkins or shoes or what it's like to spend a good part of your day Swiffering - shoot me an email to finnyknitsATgmailDOTcom.