Come creeping into my bedroom singing, "Rise and shine!" whilst ripping open the curtains letting mind-shattering sunlight sweep across my bedroom and sleeping eyeballs. And then she'd look over at me prying my eyes open in alarm and go, "Well! Look who's up!"
As though there was any chance I could have slept through her morning Broadway routine.
Ah, those were the days. When I could be bent out of shape for having to get up at 7am to the cheerful voice of my mama who'd already made us breakfast and wanted nothing more than for us to not be stiff pains in the ass on our way to school.
Anyway, I assume I'm not the only one whose mom used to do stuff like this. Perhaps you ARE a mom who does stuff like this? I don't know. Also, if your kids seem pissed about this now, they'll look fondly back on it in their 30s, so don't worry about their sneers and just forge ahead with your off-key singing and pleasant cheerfulness. Psychos.
Regardless, what I'm trying to say here is that the clouds were apparently ripped back long enough for some of the garden to start growing and TEE DAH, I'm excited. And I am reminded of my morning elementary school routine when I stand amidst newly growing plants. How apropos.
The strawberries seem to really like their new place in the world (away from the stupid annual vegetables and closer to the drip system), which is filling me with probably ill-advised hope as to their crop size this year. I'm sure I'll be fighting off the slugs soon, but until then, I reserve the right to be hopeful.
Don't try to ruin my good time.
And don't you try ripping us out in the fall, either.
It would also appear that the lettuce was advised of its command performance because it's doing the thing that I love most about lettuce: growing FAST.
I will have to thin this soon, but for now I'm just happy that some of the seeds I planted two weeks ago are doing what I explicitly told them to do when they were planted which is to GROW NOW, PLEASE.
These are the Butterhead Bibbs. I look forward to making the individual serving size salads purported to be possible from single heads of this lettuce. We'll see.
My destiny is to be covered in blue cheese dressing. No, really.
Thankfully, some other seeds have decided to make some movement despite the continual sub-70 temps and I was as shocked as you might be (do these things shock you? I kind of doubt it, but it sounds good.) that these other seeds were cucumbers - some of the heat-lovingest plants of them all.
Perhaps they saw me splayed out on the bench in the backyard trying with all my might (and while dressed in black head to toe) to absorb every degree of heat coming through the cloud cover and decided they were going to get in on the action.
But if I come out to the patio and find them in my sunny spot, things might get rough. I fight dirty, y'all and don't you forget it.
I've got my eye on the lounger. Don't tell.
I think I've forgotten to tell you the biggest news to hit our house in, oh, the entire time we've had the house - the apple tree is BLOOMING.
Yes. This was cause for much excitement, shrieking, clandestine tree-hugging and cautious optimism on both my part and Bubba's, because we were kinda thinking that the tree may be all show and no go. Even though the nursery said that the tree wouldn't bloom the first year. And even though that's what all the references said on the Internets. And even though that's what other plants have done. Still, though, we were afraid of getting our hopes up.
Which, TOO LATE NOW, they are way up there. I'm readying The Apple Machine.
I'm sorry this is a crappy photo. It was taken with my phone that is shy around apple blossoms. Obviously.
And in the most exciting of all the garden news (which, if you're a giant garden dork like moi is big talk) the potatoes are, well, UP.
Their UPness is actually what inspired this post and, I'll admit it, I channeled my mother this morning when I went out there to visit them and found them peeking out over the top of their #2 tire.
I did a sincerely shocked and slightly more blue version of my mom's wake-up routine when I pointed my finger accusingly at the potatoes and blurted out, "Oh! Well! Look who the fuck is up around here!"
Then I realized it was 6:45am and that not all of my neighbors enjoy hearing me scream swears as they are breaking their fast. Puritans.
But, really, if you saw this poking out over a short stack of tires, I think you'd do the same. Especially if was the first year you were growing potatoes and you didn't realize these fuckers grew quite so fast and that WOW look how pretty they are!
This weekend they'll get another tire, more dirt and a lot of retarded cooing from me because I'm a loser like that. And it'll all probably happen at around 6:45am, so I'll try not to scream swears or be too much of an asshole because I'd like my neighbors to continue liking us because I see their apricot tree blossoming and, well, you know...
Thankfully, there's another Test 10K (my last before the real thing) tomorrow that will at least keep me out of the garden until, perhaps, 9am when I hope to be trotting in victorious over my Virtual Whore and looking ahead optimistically to the coming weekend's Official Sub-60 10K PR attempt #1.
Get all that?
Probably not. That's OK. Just remember this: Potatoes are UP. Apple tree is NOT A LOSER. My neighbors are probably calling the cops right now, so bail me out?