Wednesday, August 08, 2007

October = Fall

Why are people already acting like it's fall when it's clearly still summer and AUGUST of all things?

I bought Hershey's kisses last night at Safeway to make cookies for work (peanut butter thumbprint cookies know no season) and the only ones they had were Harvest Kisses or some such bullshit in orange and red foils.

Harvest? In August? Come on.

Then my neighbor said something to Bubba to the effect of "I have to get the roof on this garage before winter comes!"

Winter??

People, it is summer. Summertime. You can wear flip-flops night and day without anyone giving you that look, it stays light out real late, you can come home everyday from work and pick tomatoes while wearing shorts. You stand a chance of being tan and maybe even leaving work early on Friday is totally fine because it's summer and who cares!

What is not to love?

Do you love so much having to put on a hundred coats to go outside or when you have to carry a gigantor umbrella to keep the dog covered on walks so that she'll pee in the rain? Do you love having to wear socks and slippers all the live long day when you're home because turning on the heater is a discussion best described as High Noon?

DO YOU LOVE CHRISTMAS SHOPPING?

No. No one likes these things. They are horrible, frigid, damp, dark, yucky things that I refuse to believe will be here before I know it so I'll thank you to stop referring to this time of year as "Almost Fall" or worse, "Almost Winter".

Because you know what happens in fall and winter? All the Christmas decorations that have FINALLY come down from the eaves of my neighbors houses go back up.

FRIGHT.

Halloween tips them off that Holiday Season is coming and every flashing, swirling, blinking piece of crap they've stored up in soggy boxes in their attics comes crashing down in their front yards and they spend all weekend tacking it all up without a care in the world so that we can all stare in nauseous awe at the craptacular they've created on their homes.

Please! I can not bear the sight of crooked light-up candy canes yet! Or the incessant flickering and "Boo"ing of those tree ghost things that my neighbor hangs from the big sycamore two doors down.

Sure - I want to flaunt my giant pumpkin in front of all the neighborhood kids and make their stupid small pumpkins look small and stupid, but I'm waiting until it's ACTUALLY FALL.

Until then, I will be flaunting my flip-flop feet and hand tan for everyone to see. Because it's summer, and that is what you do in summer.

SUMMER.

10 comments:

  1. Your positive attitude is great!
    I am so in tune with it that I feel I can handle the 6 year old in my house who begs for the leaves to change colours - and doesn't see why I laugh when she then states she never wants summer to end - it's all from the other side!

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  2. Right you are! It's bad enough that all the back-to-school stuff is in full swing, and that actually is only 2 weeks away. Wait until it starts getting dark early again and we have a reason to actually mourn the end of summer. What's the big rush, People?!

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  3. I saw some autumn-looking candies the other day, too. I can't figure out why retailers rush these things. No one (NO ONE!!!) is thinking about Halloween in August. Why do WE know this, but the retailers and advertisers do not?

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  4. You go on with your summer love'n, flip-flop footed self!I agree that seeing Halloween deco before Labor Day makes me nutty too!

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  5. I would love to be as optimistic as you...but we just had a HUGE hail storm last night that has my sense of summer completely warped!

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  6. Jan(mjanice12)8/09/2007 5:16 AM

    At least your neighbors sole goal is not to win first place in the Christmas light contest each year. And the worst part is, they usually win and feel the need to ramp it up even more the following year!

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  7. Sharon - I love that you think my attitude is positive. Bless you.

    Meg - Back to school? In two weeks? I always wished school started one week earlier when I was a kid so that I could have my birthday at school. I missed it by ONE WEEK my entire childhood and it was frankly scarring.

    Lera - We need to start some sort of campaign to keep this from happening. Perhaps I will not buy ANYTHING holiday-ish until I deem it appropriate. Like, say, 10/30 for Halloween, 11/23 for Thanksgiving and 12/24 for Christmas. Take that!

    Melisa - Please share my new stategy (above) with your friends and retailers. NO MORE HOLIDAY STUFF IN SUMMER DAMN IT!

    Sara - Hail? In Milan? In summer? How un-chic! You tell that winter weather to back the hell off.

    Jan - Does this happen at your house? Dear. I am sorry. We have a neighborhood decoration contest, but thankfully my neighbors never win, and they don't feel the need to keep trying. Sadly, this doesn't discourage them either.

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  8. Don't set foot in any Hallmark stores, Finny. They start selling Christmas ornaments in JULY!

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  9. I think that "craptastic" might be my new favorite word. And I'm going to use it when I call the manager of Hobby Lobby to complain about the idiot who decided that it was time to install the FIVE freaking rows of Christmas sludge that I was forced to walk through on my way to the shrinky dinks. Seriously.

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  10. Amen Sister. I have been saying this ALL month. It is particularly noticeable after moving from CA to MN - people here can not seem to get enough of winter - they talk about it all summer, and as soon as August first comes they say, "it was a good Summer, but it is getting too hot. I can't wait for Fall, I love Fall." And I want to yell in their face - enjoy what you have while you have it because before you know it you will be wearing so many clothes your arms will be sticking straight out and you will be sprinting from house to car, car to house, that all you will be doing is talking about how you can not wait for Summer! You said what I have been crying all month. It is still summer people!

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[2013 update: You can't comment as an anonymous person anymore. Too many douchebags were leaving bullshit SPAM comments and my inbox was getting flooded, but if you're here to comment in a real way like a real person, go to it.]

Look at you commenting, that's fun.

So, here's the thing with commenting, unless you have an email address associated with your own profile, your comment will still post, but I won't have an email address with which to reply to you personally.

Sucks, right?

Anyway, to remedy this, I usually come back to my posts and post replies in the comment field with you.

But, if you ever want to email me directly to talk about pumpkins or shoes or what it's like to spend a good part of your day Swiffering - shoot me an email to finnyknitsATgmailDOTcom.

Cheers.