Why are people already acting like it's fall when it's clearly still summer and AUGUST of all things?
I bought Hershey's kisses last night at Safeway to make cookies for work (peanut butter thumbprint cookies know no season) and the only ones they had were Harvest Kisses or some such bullshit in orange and red foils.
Harvest? In August? Come on.
Then my neighbor said something to Bubba to the effect of "I have to get the roof on this garage before winter comes!"
People, it is summer. Summertime. You can wear flip-flops night and day without anyone giving you that look, it stays light out real late, you can come home everyday from work and pick tomatoes while wearing shorts. You stand a chance of being tan and maybe even leaving work early on Friday is totally fine because it's summer and who cares!
What is not to love?
Do you love so much having to put on a hundred coats to go outside or when you have to carry a gigantor umbrella to keep the dog covered on walks so that she'll pee in the rain? Do you love having to wear socks and slippers all the live long day when you're home because turning on the heater is a discussion best described as High Noon?
DO YOU LOVE CHRISTMAS SHOPPING?
No. No one likes these things. They are horrible, frigid, damp, dark, yucky things that I refuse to believe will be here before I know it so I'll thank you to stop referring to this time of year as "Almost Fall" or worse, "Almost Winter".
Because you know what happens in fall and winter? All the Christmas decorations that have FINALLY come down from the eaves of my neighbors houses go back up.
Halloween tips them off that Holiday Season is coming and every flashing, swirling, blinking piece of crap they've stored up in soggy boxes in their attics comes crashing down in their front yards and they spend all weekend tacking it all up without a care in the world so that we can all stare in nauseous awe at the craptacular they've created on their homes.
Please! I can not bear the sight of crooked light-up candy canes yet! Or the incessant flickering and "Boo"ing of those tree ghost things that my neighbor hangs from the big sycamore two doors down.
Sure - I want to flaunt my giant pumpkin in front of all the neighborhood kids and make their stupid small pumpkins look small and stupid, but I'm waiting until it's ACTUALLY FALL.
Until then, I will be flaunting my flip-flop feet and hand tan for everyone to see. Because it's summer, and that is what you do in summer.