Institches: August (already)

Dear Donk,

You're pretty bold for someone half-maimed from self-abuse.

Good thing you posted on some drunken giraffes, it distracted me from being snotty. And you KNOW I've done that before. Namely, gotten halfway through a project only to realize that the fabric isn't lining up right and whoops I guess I should have figured out what "enough fabric to account for pattern centering" meant.

I'm especially familiar with the decision to leave the seams where they are and come up with a fun reason why the pattern is jacked and not doing what it's "supposed" to be doing.

Why, of COURSE, the little zigzags on this skirt should be going in a million merry directions - it's ART, people. Scary art.

I'll be excited when the day comes and I'm able to summon the energy/brainpower/patience to cut pattern pieces, cut fabric, follow detailed pattern directions, adjust for sizing, do two tons of pressing with a naughty hot iron AND account for pattern centering. It'll be the same day that I have a rock hard six pack and a basement filled with hundred dollar bills.

See? Good day!

Until then, I muddle through and hone my "reasoning" skills, along with an annoyingly smooshy mid-section and stinky empty basement.

But that's not why we're here, is it? No, we're here to talk August Projects. Specifically the one *I* want to do. And because *I* am in the midst of Pieing Season and because *I* have managed to scorch the ever-loving crap out of my hands when removing said pies from my oven because my favorite pot holders keep getting crudded up and thrown in the wash and are never there when I need them oh my god where are my GOOD potholders damn it I think we know where this is going.

Let's call the August Institches Project: Square Potholders

and The Theme: Happy Hands

Don't worry, this is not porno. Just make up your fancy ass potholders in whichever creative way you like and then use them to keep your hands happy - and take a picture.

Perhaps your hands are happiest when they're not clutching a searing hot steering wheel during a Phoenix summer (for instance, Donk) OR when they're easily sliding a fresh blackberry pie from the oven WITHOUT shrieking with fresh hot pain (for instance, Me) OR when re-potting a cactus without getting repeatedly stabbed with a million spines. All ideas, here.

So, there, GO!

And, I like your toiletries bag. Before the slaying of a thousand duckies, I was thinking along similar lines. If you need more stuffin's for your successfully executed baby bags, let me know. I was unreasonably optimistic when planning the Vinyl Disaster of 2007 and pre-purchased some of Johnson & Johnson's baby business.

Ha on you.

xo
Finny