Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Slowly becoming infertile

I will just never get used to the pantsless screaming coming from across my street.

At this very moment my neighbor's two boys are chasing each other, pantsless with a broom, while one wears an earflap hat (this is July here) and the other screams at the TOP of his lungs.



Mom prunes the tree and enthusiastically ignores the whole thing before suddenly commandeering the broom to sweep the sidewalk.

This scenario then repeats itself with the exception of the Item of Great Desire, which becomes the earflap hat. They both want to wear a wool hat with earflaps while its nearly 90 degrees outside.

I'm contemplating tossing a dead squirrel across the street to see if they'll fight over that for a while. At least it would entertain the dog.

This goes on all the live long day. And night for that matter.

Continual screaming and no pants wearing while Mom and Dad saunter across the street to lecture us about the care of our street tree and ask us why we haven't had kids yet and OH MY GOSH when are you going to have kids.


I have to assume that they are masters of ironic humor and can't possibly be serious. I mean, they have to raise their voices over the incessant squealing of their own two angelic offspring just to pose the question.

The only other option is that they are looking for someone to create an Item of Great Desire for their boys to fight over away from their own house. And perhaps two other people who can watch them do it (read: sweep the street and ignore them completely) while they sit out back drinking iced tea, cackling at their collective evil genius.

"We suckered another one, Pa."

"That's right, dear. We are the masters of off-loading our banshee spawn."

*Together* "Muhuhuhahahahaaa!"

I'm wise to their game, damn it, and will not be swayed.


  1. dying with laughter over that one - somedays i am you and others your neighbours - although I never ask why people don't have kids - I KNOW

  2. Ha ha ha! Your neighborhood sounds like mine :) I think if one more neighbor asks us when we are going to have kids either my husband or I will punch them - he he he.

  3. First of all, I have 2 kids and they never would be allowed to behave like those two (not that they haven't tried) and second of all, if someone is ignorant in social graces enough to ask someone elsse why they don't have kids (doh!), then I'm not surprised their kids are setting a bad example for all the cool kids that are out there! I suggest that next time she asked you such a rude question that you fire back, though sweetly, with a "Because we're so afraid our offspring wouldn't be quite as SPECIAL as yours!"

  4. The question of the day. At least. I am asked by complete strangers, neighbours and friends. Close friends and family already know the answer and don't ask. Some friends think they know, but have never actually asked. I love it when they think we can't hear, and someone says , "do you think Rachael and hubby will ever have kids?" Then the friend answers, blah, blah, blah." It's so off base and I've know idea where they got that idea from, but they are so confident they are right and they give the impression they have discussed it with us numerous times. It's interesting to listen to them. I learn something new everytime!

  5. You have a neighbor who sweeps the street?


  6. So funny. I used to call any kind of outlandish display of out of control kid behavior "birth control" as you have kind of alluded to in your title. It works!

    Also, why is it ok for couples with kids to pester couples without about why/when etc.? It's not like couples without kids go around asking "Why'd you go and have kids, anyways?" right?? ;-)

  7. Sharon - I'm sure that on the days when you are "them", the "me's" of the world are equally annoying.

    kirsten - You should punch them. And then go, "Why are you having kids?! Stoppit."

    jen- I will do just that. With emphasis on the SPECIAL part.

    tinkerblue - I haven't come up with a perfect answer yet, but starting to retch seems to be doing the trick.

    erin - I love how you can see to the heart of the matter. If only she'd sweep the gutter, then we'd be getting somewhere.

    shelley - the next person who asks me is going to get that response. And if I hear "because its so fun" I'm going to kick their legs and call them a filthy liar.

  8. Seriously, do people actually bug you about having kids? When I see people without offspring, I'm jealous. (And we even have good kids.) We've got neighbors just like yours, though. Actually, playing bongos in the backyard at 6:30 in the morning!

    The question we always get is when we're going to get married. I prefer living in sin. But I know what you mean about the irritating questions.


[2013 update: You can't comment as an anonymous person anymore. Too many douchebags were leaving bullshit SPAM comments and my inbox was getting flooded, but if you're here to comment in a real way like a real person, go to it.]

Look at you commenting, that's fun.

So, here's the thing with commenting, unless you have an email address associated with your own profile, your comment will still post, but I won't have an email address with which to reply to you personally.

Sucks, right?

Anyway, to remedy this, I usually come back to my posts and post replies in the comment field with you.

But, if you ever want to email me directly to talk about pumpkins or shoes or what it's like to spend a good part of your day Swiffering - shoot me an email to finnyknitsATgmailDOTcom.