I know. It sounds like a stretch. It feels like a stretch.
It's a stretch.
But - I'm doing it. Because Africankelli thought I should by taking part in her annual Calculated Acts of Kindness thing.
It has to do with Lent and Easter and things that don't normally even hit my radar, but it is mainly about making an effort during a certain period of time to make this place better. And I decided that this place is my neighborhood. I'm not going big and shooting for Making The World a Better Placeness because that seems out of my reach in any 40 day period, so I'm just taking on my neighborhood. And only in a minor way.
Anyway, she can explain it better than I can, all I know is that when one of my deep down best friends asks me to be a part of some nice thing that they're doing for the good of mankind and could you just be nice for a few days instead of your same WTF?! self, I feel inclined to do so.
If only so that this friend won't think that I'm rotten to the absolute core.
Just maybe to my asthenosphere or something.
So, what is this big Me Being Nice thing that I'm doing? I'm sure it won't surprise you that it involves swearing.
The nice thing I'm doing involves shit.
I'll pause while you collectively murmur your "Of course it does"es.
But when I say that it involves shit, I mean that the nice thing I'm doing for CAOK involves other people's dogs' shit.
Because people EVIDENTLY do not know how to pick up their dogs' shit and it pisses me off to high heaven.
I'm out there walking the dog twice a damn day, picking up her shit twice (at least) a damn day, I pick the shit up in my yard that other people's dogs leave because they are assholes, I pick up my own dog's shit that she leaves in the yard - I PICK UP A LOT OF SHIT.
And do you know why I pick up a lot of shit? Because it's fucking gross to have shit lying around on the ground, is why. Also, disease and stench and having to rinse your shoes off in the yard even though you're late to leave for your flight and so on.
I just don't feel like I should have to remind people of this. I mean, obviously not you people, because you plainly know that shit doesn't belong just lying on the ground in and around where people live and walk, but you know what I'm saying. Other people leave their dog's shit on the ground and it burns me, man.
So, during this 40 day period of Me Being Nice in one singular way, when I walk the dog, I'm not just picking up her shit, but all of the shit that I see during the duration of her 2x/day 30 minute walks.
I'm not going to lie - it's a lot of shit. BUT - there is less superfluous shit to pick up each day because of my previous day's picking up, so at least there's that.
I will say that the 2 days/week when I run the dog, I'm not stopping to pick up shit. That's just dumb. BUT - when we stop for the scheduled mid-run potty break, I pick up any extraneous shit that's lying about when Jada makes her deposit at the Valero station on the corner.
I feel like it's appropriate that the dog's mid-run bathroom is in the grassy strip in front of the gas station's exorbitant prices and I expect you to agree with me.
Anyway, if any of you all have a personal grudge that you might like to tackle during the next however many days there are until Easter - go on and do it. And maybe the world, or just your neighborhood, will be a little bit better by the time kids are running around hunting for eggs in their shit-free yards.