Monday, February 18, 2013

Me being nice.

I know. It sounds like a stretch. It feels like a stretch.

It's a stretch.

But - I'm doing it. Because Africankelli thought I should by taking part in her annual Calculated Acts of Kindness thing.

It has to do with Lent and Easter and things that don't normally even hit my radar, but it is mainly about making an effort during a certain period of time to make this place better. And I decided that this place is my neighborhood. I'm not going big and shooting for Making The World a Better Placeness because that seems out of my reach in any 40 day period, so I'm just taking on my neighborhood. And only in a minor way.

Anyway, she can explain it better than I can, all I know is that when one of my deep down best friends asks me to be a part of some nice thing that they're doing for the good of mankind and could you just be nice for a few days instead of your same WTF?! self, I feel inclined to do so.

If only so that this friend won't think that I'm rotten to the absolute core.

Just maybe to my asthenosphere or something.

So, what is this big Me Being Nice thing that I'm doing? I'm sure it won't surprise you that it involves swearing.


The nice thing I'm doing involves shit.

I'll pause while you collectively murmur your "Of course it does"es.

But when I say that it involves shit, I mean that the nice thing I'm doing for CAOK involves other people's dogs' shit.

Because people EVIDENTLY do not know how to pick up their dogs' shit and it pisses me off to high heaven.

I'm out there walking the dog twice a damn day, picking up her shit twice (at least) a damn day, I pick the shit up in my yard that other people's dogs leave because they are assholes, I pick up my own dog's shit that she leaves in the yard - I PICK UP A LOT OF SHIT.

And do you know why I pick up a lot of shit? Because it's fucking gross to have shit lying around on the ground, is why. Also, disease and stench and having to rinse your shoes off in the yard even though you're late to leave for your flight and so on.

I just don't feel like I should have to remind people of this. I mean, obviously not you people, because you plainly know that shit doesn't belong just lying on the ground in and around where people live and walk, but you know what I'm saying. Other people leave their dog's shit on the ground and it burns me, man.

So, during this 40 day period of Me Being Nice in one singular way, when I walk the dog, I'm not just picking up her shit, but all of the shit that I see during the duration of her 2x/day 30 minute walks.

I'm not going to lie - it's a lot of shit. BUT - there is less superfluous shit to pick up each day because of my previous day's picking up, so at least there's that.

I will say that the 2 days/week when I run the dog, I'm not stopping to pick up shit. That's just dumb. BUT - when we stop for the scheduled mid-run potty break, I pick up any extraneous shit that's lying about when Jada makes her deposit at the Valero station on the corner.

I feel like it's appropriate that the dog's mid-run bathroom is in the grassy strip in front of the gas station's exorbitant prices and I expect you to agree with me.

Anyway, if any of you all have a personal grudge that you might like to tackle during the next however many days there are until Easter - go on and do it. And maybe the world, or just your neighborhood, will be a little bit better by the time kids are running around hunting for eggs in their shit-free yards.


  1. I left you something special in the front yard this morning.

    It rhymes with soup.

    1. YAY! I've always wanted a hula hoop! I hope it's an orange one. And I hope it's not next to that coil of poop that I saw near the drivewayohwaitthat'swhatyoumeantdamnit.

  2. ROFL Andy!!!

    This can't end well...

  3. I'd feel your pain but as a shelter volunteer by day pretty much involves picking up shit several times a day. Plus cleaning cat boxes.

    1. Your kindness is spread so widely at this point, that you needn't worry about such things. Plus, also you're amazing to clean so many cat boxes. I would very much rather scoop out my eyes with spoons.

  4. I don't think I could walk a dog and pick up poop. I have kids and I can't even handle their poop and they were birthed from my vagina, so you'd think I'd be a little more OK with their poop. But that's not true because I deal with a lot of Olivia's poop. I can tell you all about what people poop should look like but don't ever expect me to clean it up. Oh no. That's why Matt has a cell phone. Anytime we have a poop situation, a puke crisis, or a cat has created a mouse death crime scene, he gets a call and we all drive around the hood until he deals with it. He is a happy, happy man I tell you.

  5. Well Shit. I don't even know what to say. ;-D

  6. That is nice of you. Especially because it's definitely something you're not going to get any thanks for.

    I'm no longer a practicing Catholic and so Lent is no longer a part of my life, but when I did still observe it, I was always much more on board with the concept of doing something rather than giving something up. I'm pretty sure giving up chocolate for forty days is not as close to Jesus' message as doing something for your fellow humans.

  7. Kristin - I LOVE your comment - that's exactly my feeling too - and my personal opinion is if it's something you give up cause it's "so bad" then why do you go right back to doing it after Lent?? But....I'm not Catholic so I wasn't raised that way. And Finny - you are one of my heroes!! You in all your kick ass, balls to the wall, who gives a fuck about my language, shit loving glory:)

  8. I wish you would have come by here before my kid stepped in some shit and got it in my CAR!! I cleaned it and it still smells :(


[2013 update: You can't comment as an anonymous person anymore. Too many douchebags were leaving bullshit SPAM comments and my inbox was getting flooded, but if you're here to comment in a real way like a real person, go to it.]

Look at you commenting, that's fun.

So, here's the thing with commenting, unless you have an email address associated with your own profile, your comment will still post, but I won't have an email address with which to reply to you personally.

Sucks, right?

Anyway, to remedy this, I usually come back to my posts and post replies in the comment field with you.

But, if you ever want to email me directly to talk about pumpkins or shoes or what it's like to spend a good part of your day Swiffering - shoot me an email to finnyknitsATgmailDOTcom.