Glow-ish

You might remember my hot date with the dudes at the fly fishing store.

It was spicy - Gore-tex, sticky rubber, straps, laces...they told me how small and rare a creature I was. They were excited to dress me. It was all very self-serving yet awesome and I bought a lot of high-end special for women fishing gear with my "oh, you're too kind" voice.

Then I went home and pined for it. It all had to be ordered from the far off fishing land where women cast actively alongside their mens rather than here where women apparently just stay home and nag their husbands about all the "Damn fishing" they're doing instead of spending time with their families or whatever.

This was something of a conversation piece for them and the reason, as they tell it, one guy doesn't have a girlfriend and the other guy never gets to fish even though he runs a fishing shop.

Tortured lives.

Anyhoo, my waders and boots arrived a few short (long) weeks later and, despite the near 3-digit temps and lack of AC in my way-old house, I immediately came home from the shop and put on my whole rig so that I could pretend I was fishing in my living room while attempting to also sweat through Gore-tex from the inside out.

Yes. I agree. My life is verrrrrrrrrrry glamorous.

Then, sadly, I realized that my calendar was booked solid for about two months and I wasn't going to be able to put on my waders for anything more meaningful than the mandatory fashion show for Bubba any time soon.

Boo.

All the fabulous lady-specific fishing gear and not a single free day to put it on and go stand in a river. *Sad* I felt like a big loser taking my brand new and extra fancy gear out to the garage just to fold it up and put in the fishing tote for future use. Like getting a new convertible and just parking it in the garage because it's raining out. I believe I said goodnight to my waders three times before I finally shut the lid.

That was two months ago.

This weekend was the first time I was actually able to break the seal on my new boots and waders in a setting that did not involve hardwood floors or pretend casting over the back of the couch.

Out on the river I went! Fully rigged and ready to catch some shrubs and sunken tree trunks!

And oh the childish glee and excitement that comes from freely and, without fear of bone-chilling dampness, striding out into a rushing stream/river without worrying "OMG are my pants getting wet" because HA HA you are wearing waterproof pants that go up to your armpits. I had a brief moment of "what am I doing" when I first stepped out into the water, trying not to splash and all, but that quickly gave way to "hey! look at me! I can walk way out until the water's all the way up here and wait a minute this river is moving kinda fast and SHIT I better walk back toward the shore a bit", etc.

In sum, it was kick ass.

But I'll save you the suspense; I didn't catch anything - technically. I did get a couple bites - but because I am a novice loser, I wasn't fast enough to set the fish and, therefore ended up landing nothing more than a very annoying log which I eventually marched over to (thank you waders for going all the way up to my armpits) and relocated to a faraway place so far downstream that I wouldn't possibly be able to cast to it.

See, sometimes it pays to be lame.

My big glory moment came when I got a fish on hook and yanked part of the way out of the water. Then it got wise to my beginner-esque shenanigans and hopped back into the river from whence it came. I spent the rest of the day trying to lure him (or, really, any other fish retarded enough to approach my fly) back out so that I could go home not feeling like a very overdressed swimmer, but it was not to be.

However, I'm holding on to that one shiny moment (I remember *exactly* what that fish's silver belly looks like) as justification for buying the extra fanciest gear because *obviously* I need it for my very professional level fishing exploits. You can't just be barely catching fish all day in run-of-the-mill waders and low-end boots without the stickiest rubber soles can you?

No. No you cannot.

And you can't really be tripping over your own stupid feet (and a big pointy rock) in sub-par gear before you dive backward into the river trying desperately not to get your sleeves wet per orders from your experienced fisherfriend if you're not wearing the best of the best. That would be silly.

So, that's that. I went for a nice swim in my waders (for the record though - no water got IN the waders, so I consider that a success) this weekend for the very first time and it was fab. Next time I hope to reel in an actual fish so that I have a photo of me with a fish rather than me with the car.

When I am wearing waders I feel happy.
(FYI: I have hair, but it's a ponytail under my hat where I can't catch it with my very talented casting.)