Wednesday, October 22, 2008

It's starting early

Gird your loins. The bitching begins now.

So, this house is wrapped in plastic "bricks" and I'm not sure whether it's supposed to be spooky because bricks are scary or spooky because the fucking walls billow and snap when the wind blows.

What I am sure of is that it looks retarded and and I don't really find these gray bricks any spookier than the gray paint underneath. Maybe they can rake their leaves onto the plastic when Halloween is over or something. Not that this would make it SPOOKY over there, but at least it wouldn't be a total waste of time and resources. And then maybe I would give them a few points for recycling and hate them a teensy bit less.

Ok, no I wouldn't. But still, it's a thought.

What they'll do with that fake rickety fence is another mystery altogether. I mean, sure, the dogs will have a blast pissing all over it (we have some male dogs in our neighborhood with incredible skills, just ask my street tree) but after that? Well, it seems obvious to me that this is something that will awkwardly take up space in the garage and likely come crashing down on someone's head every time they go out to get another Crunk from the garage fridge.

Which you know they totally have.

It's killing me, though, that they realize only during Super Duper Ugly Decorating Season that their yard would look good with a couple trees and then they buy and put up two ugly fake trees made out of rebar, or some such filth, instead of spending this money on real trees that might actually make their house look decent year round.

'Spose the real leaves on real trees might get in the way of the spookiness. Or something.

There's really so much I could say here, but I don't want burn out my kvetching muscles (even if they're in really good shape) before the real season of bitching arrives. And my neighbors seem to think that this season is nearly upon us.

Typically, as some of you may be well aware, I wait to talk shit about my neighbor's decorations until they're at least Christmas ones. But this year the decor is getting busted out so early and with such misplaced enthusiasm that I have made a special exception to say something.


And really, this is me still restricting myself somewhat because this particular neighbor started putting their Halloween stuff out IN SEPTEMBER but I was so not ready to say anything holiday-ish (even by using swears) at that point that I let it slide.

I pretended my September was safe and that was wrong. Please forgive me.

Ah, September, that glorious month that I cherish with all my fibers because there aren't any major decorating holidays to speak of and so it is my last respite before Super Duper Ugly Holiday Decorating season gets into full stupid swing.

Up until this September of course, when people like this decided that oh why should we wait ALL the way until October - let's start Halloween now! Conveniently forgetting, of course, that Halloween doesn't fall until the very last day of October and WHOOPSY our "spookiness" will be sitting out there just waiting to get kicked down by our crabby neighbor for 30+ days or whathaveyou.

Not that I've kicked any decorations or done anything other than bitch and give the evil eye to people with Wal-mart bags full of orange plastic this and black Styrofoam (DIE) that.

No. They're safe. For now, anyway, since there are other people on my street with signs much more ugly and offensive. Now THAT is a scary decoration.



  1. Incredibly ugly and offensive.

    Any chance of steering the neighborhood dogs to the haters' signs for their target practice?

  2. Plastic brick sheeting? Now that is a new one on me. I can't even stand those wretched plastic pumpkin things. And don't even get me STARTED on orange lights. As a Halloween decoration? Really? In the shape of skulls? Are these people retarded?

  3. It's the most wonderful time of the year!

  4. bah hum bug!

    They probably have kids that get a kick out of it.

  5. First of all- I *love* these anti decoration posts. So this is a great season for me. LOL And, I really thought the "recession" and economic downfall would cause people to cut back.

  6. So, I guess everyone deals with being on the verge of the next Great Depression in different ways. Some save their every penny. And others blow every last penny on WTF is that bullshit. Paper bricks? I would seriously question the sanity of the inhabitants of said house. Sigh. They're probably related to the people in your hood who stuck the free cement out on their front lawn. Not that your hood is ghetto or anything. Just a few freaks of nature here and there. < /bitch session >

  7. Anon - Now THAT is a good idea. When I see my friend with the German Shepherd I will ask her nicely and then point her over there.

    Kristin - Yes, I'm pretty sure they are.

    Knittah - And we're only just getting started!

    Mom Taxi - Yes, I know and no they don't. Just wait until Christmas.

    Jane - THANK YOU. I expected the same thing. But as Shelley pointed out, and has been my theory for some time, when people are depressed about the state of The State, it seems like holidays become their Happy Place and the celebrating of which comes early and often and in the shape of fake trees and plastic skulls.

    Shelley - Nuff said. And you'll be interested to know that the free concrete is gone. Whether someone scooped it up FOR FREE or whether it was carted off to the dump (obviously), I don't know. But it looks less like a junkyard over there now. Not 100% less, but less.

  8. There's a house up the street that has "ghosts" hanging by ropes from their huge tree. I don't look at that and think "spooky Halloween," I think "terrifying Klan meeting."


[2013 update: You can't comment as an anonymous person anymore. Too many douchebags were leaving bullshit SPAM comments and my inbox was getting flooded, but if you're here to comment in a real way like a real person, go to it.]

Look at you commenting, that's fun.

So, here's the thing with commenting, unless you have an email address associated with your own profile, your comment will still post, but I won't have an email address with which to reply to you personally.

Sucks, right?

Anyway, to remedy this, I usually come back to my posts and post replies in the comment field with you.

But, if you ever want to email me directly to talk about pumpkins or shoes or what it's like to spend a good part of your day Swiffering - shoot me an email to finnyknitsATgmailDOTcom.