Randomness - now with proper and consistent capitalization.

It seems like this blog's schedule is turning into a weekly one, rather than the multiple-times-a-week one that it was for oh so many years, and I've decided I'm OK with that.

It's better than the not-but-once-in-a-big-fat-who-knows-how-long one that it was for a while there, so that's good.

Also, we got a new keyboard so that I can capitalize things properly and, for that, we can all give Bubba a big inappropriate hug or high five or whatever other virtual thing you can manage because you know I'm not letting any of you whores near the awesome keyboard-replacing Bubba.

HA! I kid. I won't stop you. Unless you're a verified whore. In which case - stay back, nasty.

Whatever - it's that time of the week when I have two minutes to scrape together and since I have this nice keyboard with a fully functional shift key and I'm wearing my new hoodie that has thumbholes and isn't worn thin in most areas so it's keeping my fingers warm enough to type - I'm posting.

Because I'll tell you what - next week is not going to happen blog-wise. Or maybe even survival-wise since I have shit stacked up from the moment I finish this post until the Sunday following Thanksgiving and if I don't have a stroke, I'll be damned impressed.

So let the randomness abound, I say!

Random Thing #1

The bees are smarter than me

The first one of you that "Yeah, duh"s me is getting a kick to the throat, by the way. 

Meanwhile - yes, the bees have outsmarted the bee "escape" that I added to their honey super (the box on top of the boxes that hold the babies...oh fuck, just read this and then remember the other times I've told you what a honey super is) and so each of the three times I've gone in there to take the super off and then collect the small but mighty harvest (it's the first season for this colony, so I'm not really supposed to have any honey at all), I've found those bitches just still wandering around, stowing honey and having some sort of MIND YOUR BUSINESS party in there. 

It's annoying. 

I want that super off, the honey in jars, the wax in lip balm and the bees in a big clump around the queen right in the center of the brood boxes. 

But no. These whores are all, "Um, we'll do what we like and don't tell us our business."

Better keep away from Bubba is all I'm saying here. OH YEAH - and also - GET OUT OF MY SUPER.

Random Thing #2

My mother-in-law is coming to stay with us for Thanksgiving and my house is like the mother fucking Addams Family lives here

So, as you likely know, I have a cleaning lady. Her name is Flora and she is very sweet, the dog loves her, she does not know how to close a pocketknife once she's opened it out of what I'm assuming is curiosity, and she really doesn't know what the fuck a cobweb is. 

Or a spider web. Or a line drawing of a spider web. Or tela de arana. Even though that is Spanish for spider web and she is a native Spanish speaker.

So, since our beloved Flora won't clean the spider webs because of her not knowing/full knowing and not wanting to get near them, we're doing it. 

Because I can't roll the dice on her finally realizing what cobwebs are on Monday, when she's scheduled to "clean", and then actually cleaning them. And I can't risk my sweet and proper Southern mother-in-law being swallowed up by a spiderweb upon entering our house - the smaller and better lit Addams Family mansion.

So, Bubba and I are cleaning this week and it's an annoying task that makes me want to forget what spider webs are, too, so suddenly I understand what's going on there.

Random Thing #3

Because I like things in threes even though that makes me sound like an OCD psycho

I'm registering for the final semester of my horticulture degree right now and that was WAY too fucking fast. 

Yeah. In just a few short months (though I can't bear to count it - so you can if you want. I graduate in June. Go nuts.) I'll have my horticulture degree and be launching myself off in the direction of the low-paying-though-hopefully-highly-satisfying-or-at-least-mostly-enjoyable field of horticulture. 

What will I be doing? Not being a fucking farmer, that's for damn sure.

Well, not in the traditional sense, that is.

And I realize that this is sort of a big bomb to drop as a random #3 line item at the end of a random post about bees and low-performing cleaning ladies, so I promise to come back to this at some point in more depth, but for now just know - that whole thing about "I quit my job and I'm going to be a farmer" is not happening the way I imagined it would.

Like, I'm no longer planning to find some land somewhere, get a tractor and a crop rotation plan and start building beds for field crops.

No. There will be no field crops in the future of farming for me, but I'll go into why and why not and what there will be instead in a future post. I also promise to be more focused and sense-making in that future post.

OK, OK, OK - no. I'll try to be more focused since I'll admit to kinda liking this whole random thing. As long as it's still in bulleted list form. 

That's as random as I'm willing to get.

This just in - I'm old as fuck.

Yeah, so, the SHIFT key is still not fixed on this recalcitrant keyboard, so it'll probably fuck up and not capitalize things the way I'd like, but i can't be going back every two seconds to slam down the SHIFT key to make it work, so let's just all be grown ups and ignore my capitalizing errors.

Even though I totally judge myself and others for any grammatical and spelling errors in writing. There. I said it. I judge you. At least i judge myself, too, so there's that. And - hey - there's a big old uncapitalized "i" back there for you all to judge along with me.

WOO ISN'T THIS FUN? Probably, not really.

Anyway - I'm apparently old as fuck.

Remember when I busted both big toes doing stupid Crossfit? I did. I sprained both big toes while lunging too enthusiastically with the overhead bar.

I don't know why I was so enthusiastic about it, but I'll just go ahead and assume it was the atmosphere of enthusiasm and the 60+ year old woman next to me overhead pressing triple the weight I had on my bar.

Seriously - these people are crazy in shape. When they're not terribly injured, that is.

So yeah, I sprained both big toes doing these stupid lunges and the result of which was the overly enthusiastic growing of bone in the joints of my toes to replace that which was fucked up during the injury.

The doctor referred to it as "trama related bone development" or something similarly fancy and non-swear using, but you get my meaning.

I sprained the toe. The toe tried to heal by making more bone. I now have too much bone there. It hurts.

When pressed for more info and Xrays and referrals to a doctor who could help me walk like a normal human girl again, I heard more doctor-y words that confirmed that i am, in fact, 110 years old or some shit.

Words like, "Degenerative Joint Disease" and "Bone Spurs".

Awesome. I'm degenerating.

AKA - I'm dying. From the feet up.

Splendid.

Then Bubba was searching around the Internets for whateverwhoknows and came upon some info about gout.

Have you heard of gout? The disease that afflicts people who don't ever drink water, eat tons of salt, don't exercise regularly and get horribly swollen and painful joints and then have mind-bending pain when doing something like, OH I DON'T KNOW, trying to bend their toes to walk?

Yeah. So, Bubba thinks I have gout now. Even though I drink water constantly and exercise daily (hourly? I mean, it's nearly constant at this point). And honestly, I don't think he's far off since my dad has gout and it apparently runs in our family and OH YAY gout is hereditary.

Good times.

Another affliction that sounds old and awful is probably in my feet.

So, there's your weekly I Throw random Information At Your Face with Irregular Capitalization and, to bottom line it for you, I'm old as fuck.

Let's party.

just to prove to myself that I'm not ready for a wheel chair and a diet of prune pudding, here's a photo from my bike ride the other day during which time I traveled into the Forest of Nisene Marks by way of the mountain bike and I'll tell you that I used half of that fork's travel, so that means I can't be all of my 110 alleged years just yet. Right? Right.

The new way we're doing shit around here

Just a picture of a cute dog about to eat a squirrel in the woods

So, i have all of these random things i keep wanting to tell you guys about but i get all, "Oh that can't be a post, it's just like one thing about lettuce." so then i keep it in my head until i have more things i can add to a post so that it's not just about lettuce or how this fucking keyboard's shift key is broken but i don't have time to fix it so I can't reliably capitalize things and keep my posts all nice and accurately capitalized and shit and oh here we are.

so instead of waiting until i have time to fix the keyboard or collecting any other items about which to post so that i can appear coherent in any way, i'm just forging ahead with what will likely be a very disjointed and most certainly ill-capitalized post about lettuce so that we can hang out again.

hey, friends! i grow lettuce now.

i mean, yes, i grow it at home in the garden because that's where we eat salad, of which lettuce is a main ingredient, but what i really mean is that i grow aquaponic lettuce (meaning it grows in water that's enriched with the power of fish poo) along with my other crops in the college greenhouse now and it's rad.

And because i've been so nerdy about introducing you to all of my other crops, i thought i'd at least keep some semblance of a theme, here.

Everyone, this is lettuce. Lettuce, this is everyone. and hey! the shift key worked, like, twice right there.

so, yeah - lettuce. i grow it all hydroponic-like in our greenhouse and then when there are a bunch of baby seedlings left over, i bring them home to my garden because i don't know when to just knock it the hell off.

one week's worth of leftover lettuce seedlings and then OH HEY here are some seeds that were donated to the program/my front yard meadow.

turns out that the hydro lettuce also likes soil growing because it's flexy that way.

Also from the world of I Miss you guys So i'm posting even though my Shift key doesn't work fOr shit - i'm not doing NaNoWriMo again this year.

i mean, i just don't see any way that it could happen. even if a hungry wormhole opened up and swallowed half of the projects i'm working on right now, i'd still be a bit frantic to be putting down 1,667 words a day.

So, boo. next year I hope to get back at it - writing stories about purple alien boyfriends with three dicks and such. which, yes, i did write about in year 1 and no i don't actually plan to revisit. it was sort of...how you say...absurd. perhaps i was drinking when i set out on day 1? i mean, maybe.

And while we're getting used to the new format of I Blast Randomness at you In the Name of Us All still hanging Out - here's some shit from the last month that i've wanted to post about but failed to find the brainpower/time/energy for. in bulleted list form because, hello, we've met...

• my neighbors started putting out Halloween stuff in September and then had their thanksgiving stuff out while there were still Halloween candy wrappers on the ground
• there are still Halloween candy wrappers on the ground in my neighborhood this morning when i walked the dog. CLEAN SHIT UP YOU ASSHOLE KIDS.
• i'm still getting As in my classes despite the mind-scrambling chemistry and math that has been foisted upon my brains
• I got suddenly and grossly ill a few weeks ago and had to cancel all my commitments in order to effectively curl up into a ball and try my best to die for two days which sucked
• The winter garden is totally in and i THINK that this year i'll actually have a good crop of onions for the first time ever so WOO (used the CAPS LOCK for that one)

And then i'm sure there are a million more random things that i could throw at you, but i'm really sick of looking at this poorly-capitalized post with all of its lowercase letters that should be uppercase, so i'm going to leave you with this.

this being the new format of finnyknits in which i blast random thoughts at you without any regard for the formatting of the post. so, you know, it's like most of the internet now.

Chat soon, my lovelies.