Duchess

Remember, like, six years ago, when I was all, "I'm going hybrid and I'm never going back!" and all that?

Apparently I lie.

I think by "Hybrid", I meant "Turbo".

Yeah, so, the whole hybrid thing was nice for a while. I cruised the carpool lanes by myself and sometimes also with actual other people in my car. I got a steady 50 mpg. I reveled in the super technologicalness of its navigation system, back up camera and integrated phone. I petted the contradictory leather upholstery. I felt like a responsible citizen of earth for investing in green technology. I didn't get any speeding tickets.

I also avoided driving in any weather conditions that even vaguely threatened to drop below freezing, hydroplaned on painted highway lines during light mists, was routinely dusted off the line by cyclists, cautiously approached every speedbump lest I scrape the low-riding chassis, stared whimsically at the opaque ceiling longing for sunshine on my shoulders during craptastic commuting gridlock, got successfully blocked during competitive merging situations by underpowered beer cans, shuddered at the thought of having to haul around more than two suitcases and their owners, never overtook even a slow-moving RV and basically pussed about for six years in a car with 110 horsepower and no sunroof or balls whatsoever.

She may be a wagon, but she's got SHNUTS.

So this winter, after getting cock blocked more than a few times from getting to Tahoe by sudden snowstorms (Bubba already ahead of me with the 4x4), I called it.

The time for hybrid had passed.

The time for turbo and horsepower and some semblance of clearance and all wheel drive and the biggest sunroof in all of creation was upon us.

Just watch the fuck out, already, people.

And did I mention the MASSIVE SUNROOF because yay.

Yeah. There were some bittersweet moments when I peaced out of the Prius and launched myself out of the dealership by way of the 243 horses under the hood of this turbo charged beast, but I daresay that the first time I downshifted in preparation for an ass-spankingly good overtaking on Highway 17, it just became friggen sweet.

Love you, Leeloo, but I gotta go. FAST.

Now, yes, there are some very obvious drawbacks to driving an all-gas vehicle that annoyingly calls for premium rather than "Just Whatever They've Got At The Pump or Banana Peels" like the Prius, but I will get over it while I'm hauling butt up to Tahoe regardless of weather or the presence of slow-moving recreational vehicles with the help of the all-wheel-driveness, carrying capacity and the Badass button.

Subaru is so edgy.

I even got to try out the baddassery of this car within 24 hours since we drove up to Tahoe the morning after I brought her home and LO it was snowing on the pass.

In May it was snowing.

SNOWING.

Ridiculous.

But at least we weren't all holding on to the ironic leather in the Prius with our bungs pinched down on the seat hoping we weren't going to slide off of Echo Pass into the never-never.

Instead, the only seat pinching going on was that of our bungs as we snipped around tight turns and overtook THE PANTS OFF everyone between us and South Lake Tahoe because Duchess is one bad ass mama.