Monday, June 04, 2012


Remember, like, six years ago, when I was all, "I'm going hybrid and I'm never going back!" and all that?

Apparently I lie.

I think by "Hybrid", I meant "Turbo".

Yeah, so, the whole hybrid thing was nice for a while. I cruised the carpool lanes by myself and sometimes also with actual other people in my car. I got a steady 50 mpg. I reveled in the super technologicalness of its navigation system, back up camera and integrated phone. I petted the contradictory leather upholstery. I felt like a responsible citizen of earth for investing in green technology. I didn't get any speeding tickets.

I also avoided driving in any weather conditions that even vaguely threatened to drop below freezing, hydroplaned on painted highway lines during light mists, was routinely dusted off the line by cyclists, cautiously approached every speedbump lest I scrape the low-riding chassis, stared whimsically at the opaque ceiling longing for sunshine on my shoulders during craptastic commuting gridlock, got successfully blocked during competitive merging situations by underpowered beer cans, shuddered at the thought of having to haul around more than two suitcases and their owners, never overtook even a slow-moving RV and basically pussed about for six years in a car with 110 horsepower and no sunroof or balls whatsoever.

She may be a wagon, but she's got SHNUTS.
So this winter, after getting cock blocked more than a few times from getting to Tahoe by sudden snowstorms (Bubba already ahead of me with the 4x4), I called it.

The time for hybrid had passed.

The time for turbo and horsepower and some semblance of clearance and all wheel drive and the biggest sunroof in all of creation was upon us.

Just watch the fuck out, already, people.

And did I mention the MASSIVE SUNROOF because yay.
Yeah. There were some bittersweet moments when I peaced out of the Prius and launched myself out of the dealership by way of the 243 horses under the hood of this turbo charged beast, but I daresay that the first time I downshifted in preparation for an ass-spankingly good overtaking on Highway 17, it just became friggen sweet.

Love you, Leeloo, but I gotta go. FAST.

Now, yes, there are some very obvious drawbacks to driving an all-gas vehicle that annoyingly calls for premium rather than "Just Whatever They've Got At The Pump or Banana Peels" like the Prius, but I will get over it while I'm hauling butt up to Tahoe regardless of weather or the presence of slow-moving recreational vehicles with the help of the all-wheel-driveness, carrying capacity and the Badass button.

Subaru is so edgy.

I even got to try out the baddassery of this car within 24 hours since we drove up to Tahoe the morning after I brought her home and LO it was snowing on the pass.

In May it was snowing.



But at least we weren't all holding on to the ironic leather in the Prius with our bungs pinched down on the seat hoping we weren't going to slide off of Echo Pass into the never-never.

Instead, the only seat pinching going on was that of our bungs as we snipped around tight turns and overtook THE PANTS OFF everyone between us and South Lake Tahoe because Duchess is one bad ass mama.


  1. I have an Outback and I have never been more in love with a car than I am with my Subbie. I love her. Almost as much as my Nissan Pathfinder. Did you know that their unofficial nickname is "lesbarus" since so many lesbians drive them? Well at least that's their nickname in New Mexico:):) Hope you enjoy your Lesbaru:)

    1. Yeah. Didn't really know about the Lesbaru situation until I told a friend I was in the market for an Outback and she asked me if I was coming out of the closet. Hilare.

  2. YAY for new vehicle! Subaru's are kind of bad ass and Matt says anyone with any sense drives those in areas with say... mountains. I really want to get rid of my van and get a crossover so I look more badass and not like I'm in my 30s with two kids, but Matt says no. Asshole.

    1. I agree with Matt, for once - they ARE badass. Especially with the turbo. In my mind, it ceases to be a BLECH Station Wagon when it has 243 HP and a 5 speed turbo trans.

  3. So you didn't name your car after my dead grandmother (who's nickname was Duchess)? Shocking.

    Welcome to the Subaru wagon club. It's a good one. And one of the best features? The headlights can stay in the on position all the time and when the car turns off, the lights go off. No dead batteries. Rock on.

    Oh, and the whole staying on the road thing does not suck either.

    1. Well, it sounds like Duchess was quite the spicy gal, so maybe I *did* name it after her. OK, I didn't, but it still would work ;)

  4. Oh shit. Whose, not who's. Is it bedtime yet?

    1. I'll assume that by "bedtime" you mean cocktail time.

  5. I lived in North Lake Tahoe and drove a Subaru. I'd not get or drive anything else to those Mountains. Plus, any car that comes equipped with a badass button?!?! Done deal.

    Besides, six years in a Prius - you've done your debt to the environment. Go forth and reek environmental havoc. (Says the environmental science professor...shhh)

    1. I will take that 100% to heart. I've EARNED my turbo charged engine. Awesome.

  6. I hate to break it to you, honey, but my sunroof is bigger than yours.
    Other than that though, well played, missy. Well played.

    1. I believe that's because it's called a CONVERTIBLE.


      I just love our topless cars ;)

  7. Oh come on. Does that really have a Badass button? I LOVE the Duchess! Congrats!


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