No I did not go on a zipline tour so please do not even ask.

I didn't realize until I started planning this trip that everyone in the whole wide world except for Bubba and I associate Costa Rica with zipline tours.

Seriously. Everyone I mentioned this trip to immediately asked with rapt and breathless excitement OH MY GOD ARE YOU GOING ON A ZIPLINE TOUR?! And then sometimes they'd add BECAUSE IT WAS THE BEST THING I DID IN COSTA RICA AND IT WAS SO FUN!

As though I need to go sliding through the jungle canopy like so many pounds of flailing tourist with a harness digging into my lady parts.

As though.

Also I'm pretty sure they don't let you zipline while drinking a G&T, which made the possibility of it happening pretty damn slim given our daily routine which went something like this:

Wake up at a random hour.


Caffeinate.
Walk to the beach.


Swim around.


Walk back to the house.
Take a shower.
Eat an enormous breakfast courtesy of The Vacation Breakfast Chef also known as Bubba.


Take a nap while pretending to read my book.
Eat an enormous lunch courtesy of The Vacation Lunch Chef also known as me.
Sit on the balcony with my book until the afternoon storm rolled in indicating Cocktail Hour (approx 2pm).


Enjoy an enormous cocktail (or two) courtesy of The Vacation Bartender also known as Bubba.
Watch the storm while pretending to read my book.
Eat an enormous dinner courtesy of The Vacation Dinner Chef also known as me.


Watch some tube en espanol or last season of Dexter on DVD.
[CENSORED]
Go for a nighttime swim.
Bed time.

See? Where would one fit in zipline tours or any other "Vacation Activity"? Simply put, there's no time in our busy vacation schedule of lazing about for things such as this.

Plus, we don't like to talk to other people when we're on vacation and those kind of activities always involve some overweight psychopath in a Hawaiian shirt describing in great detail how he goes diving and lures fish toward him by carrying orange slices in a waterproof cigarette case. For example.

We have plenty of crazy to share between the two of us, so you can just keep your activities to yourself and I'm so glad that zipline touring changed your life, yippie wippy wippy.

We just prefer our own brand of vacation activity-ing and we realize that it is unconventional and, to everyone else, it seems pretty boring and weird.

For instance, we played a very heated game of Surface Tension whereby I was forced to stealthily slurp my orange juice without spilling it after someone filled the glass to its super-fullest. For the record, someone spilled his juice all over the counter whoopsy I feel so bad:


Then we totally dominated the game known to us as Final Feast where we spend the last day of vacation eating every last thing in the fridge so that we don't leave it for the sexy Mexican maid:


And we also had a knock-down drag out battle of Bs&Gs which I summarily lost because I am not from the midwest like someone who has been building up his stamina for this sport of biscuit and gravy eating since youth:


Don't get all WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM THEY'RE ON VACATION JUST PLAYING STUPID GAMES or anything - we did some normal stuff.

Like we swam around some beaches other than just the one right down the path from us and had a nice anniversary dinner at a restaurant where there were other people so that I could have lobster and we could watch the sunset and then we drove around to some of the recommended locations to see how AWESOME they were.

This was the AWESOME BEACH YOU HAVE TO SEE IT.

And so that I don't close out this post with a picture of the dead fish on the AWESOME beach, see if you can find the rainbow in this picture because I took a hundred shots trying to get it and, well, they didn't turn out so hot which is probably because I was taking them from the car and it was raining.


Thank you, Costa Rica, but we're glad to be home. Mama can't eat another plate of Bs&Gs and hope to fit into her 7's.