Maybe I *am* the boss of this yarn after all.

We can all thank Zarah for this post.

So, after seeing my failure right there in black and white (and orange), I think you know I had to have a little coming to Jesus with myself.

The kind where I malign myself for being such a loser, and then publicly admit defeat to a skein of yarn and then resolve to just go beat that yarn at its own game by knitting this "very easy" summer scarf properly.

Yeah! I'm going to beat that yarn's ass!

No. That makes no sense.

But, basically, that's the feeling I had churning inside of me when I sat down, yet again for the fourth time, with the pattern all right there in front of me and the yarn in my hands and NO COCKTAIL WHATSOEVER to cast on this scarf one final time.

I looked that yarn in the eye, and then realizing it had no eye, I sat it on top of the pattern so that I could deliver my warning equally, and basically told them both how it was going to be. Specifically, that we were going to knit this scarf whether we liked it or not and if any stitches went missing, I was going to hold them both personally responsible.

It is true that sometimes knitting makes me a crazy person.

HOWEVER, I'm about 3/4 of the way through this SO SUPER EASY FUCK YOU scarf and, you know what? I really like how it's coming out. Like, I can see myself wearing this thing. Which is nice, given all the stupid work I've put into bringing it into this world.

Of course, the moment I realized I liked it, I began thinking that it'd make a good gift, since it's all not jacked up and everything, so perhaps I stow it away and give it as a gift that will hopefully please the receiver of the gift while also making me seem, if only remotely, like a capable knitter.

That'd be something, wouldn't it? We'll see.

And, while I was hoping to post the scarf today in all its finished glory, I decided that I would rather focus all my attentions on The Venture Bros. last night after knitting for about an hour, so put down my needles and spent some time mimicking Werner Underbheit and The Monarch because that's what you do when you're a grown-up. You drink cocktails while lying prone on your couch and take turns with Bubba going, "Vy vould wittle old me cauz any trrrrouble?" while pretending to take off my metal jaw bone so my giant tongue could roll out.

Yes, that is what you do as a grown-up. Make a note of it.

So, while I can't present you with a finished scarf, I can present you with a nearly finished scarf and also a pinkie swear that I'll have it all finished up nice by 8/1, which is when we'll get new projects for the Craft: along and also when I hope to have the Tshirt Turned Swimsuit Cover-up finished as well as my first pickle chips canned and my first food processor white bread baked by way of my New Big Ass Cuisinart 14 Cup Food Processor.

Please note the even width of this scarf. That was done by magic, apparently.

Other things might happen by then, too, but I can't be putting myself out there too much. That could get dicey.

Also, and I don't want to get you too excited, but if you're anxiously awaiting hitting Zero Barrier on the Garden Tracker, well, you're about to be completed as a person.

Once I get home and can enter my handwritten weigh-ins on the tracker. Because LO I picked a random assortment of vegs last night and I'm pretty sure we're in the black now, which WOO! But I'll get into that in a separate post.

Eat my profits, beotch.

For now, I'll just focus on keeping my stitch count even and getting this scarf finished. Because, you know, there's nothing else you need more during 90 degree summer weather than a scarf.